Help me keep my son safe!

[bigworm]

My son is 6 and I have shared custody. His mother is a drug user and alcoholic and she takes my son with her to see her user ex when he's with her. I know she's driving under the influence and whenever I confront her, she denies it and has my son lie about it. He's going to end up badly hurt and no one will do anything about what's going on, i.e. CYS, local police, etc. I just need some advice on what I can do before the unthinkable happens. FYI, she wasn't a drug user or alcoholic until she started dating this ex she keeps going back to. Also, he's beat her up several times including once where my son called police. I can't take anymore and my son doesn't want to be around her, someone please help.

[Citicop]

Get a lawyer and go back and get the custody agreement amended.

What evidence/proof do you have that she is driving under the influence and/or doing other things that make her unfit?

[bigworm]

That's the problem. Evidence. She's the luckiest person on earth and she never gets caught doing anything. Child and Youth Services has investigated her numerous times and she has declined the urinalysis. They say they can't make her test unless there was a conviction or some other reason. It's so hard because I know all this is going on, yet I can't provide the proof necessary. Her and the ex drive past the local police station nearly every day and my son even knows she doesn't leave home with less than a 6 pack and half the time he is at the dealers house when she's buying. He knows street names for drugs and there's no way he should know that! It is heart wrenching to see what he is going through and I feel so helpless.

[Samuel]

Re-talk to your local LE, CYS, and especially your lawyer. No one here can help you.

[bigworm]

Thanks. That's pretty much how everyone else blows me off. So much for "protect and serve". If something happened to an innocent child, would you be happy with that useless advice?! Have a great night, sir.

[bigworm]

Citicop, thank you for listening at least and not being so quick to kick me back out to square 1.

[txinvestigator1]

Thanks. That's pretty much how everyone else blows me off. So much for "protect and serve". If something happened to an innocent child, would you be happy with that useless advice?! Have a great night, sir.

No one here is on duty or sworn to help some unknown person on the internet. Everyone is off duty and here to socialize and answer questions. He answered you, and he is right, no one here CAN help you. You are going to have to stay on your locals.

[txinvestigator1]

Citicop, thank you for listening at least and not being so quick to kick me back out to square 1.

How did some stranger typing words set you anywhere? Perhaps you should not be so over dramatic.

[bigworm]

It seems you have that attitude that you're better than your average person. Who are you to judge who I find helpful and not. Clearly you're not helpful. I was commending the first reply for not telling me to "piss off" like you are doing. I never said anyone on here was sworn to help any stranger off the internet, but perhaps the ones that don't have helpful replies need NOT reply. Can you fathom such an idea? Or does your bloated ego need to see your name attached to as many threads as possible? In fact, I'd rather no one have answered my question here than to have pompous jerks putting their 2 cents in. How many of your 15,702 comments were snide remarks to tear someone down? I know of at least 2. How's that for drama?

[Samuel]

Wah wah wah help help me someone please help me because I can't handle my own business. Oh, and before you say anything make sure you're nice to me because I can't handle the TRUTH - that my situation is MY OWN FAULT and I can't get it through my bone head that the best people to contact would be LOCAL resources - some of which I already have, like a lawyer. Oh and someone else, please buy me a Drama King shirt because there's nobody else who deserves one like me...

Welcome to IGNORE...

oh and btw, nice Loser screen name...

[Citicop]

Thanks. That's pretty much how everyone else blows me off. So much for "protect and serve". If something happened to an innocent child, would you be happy with that useless advice?! Have a great night, sir.

What do you want us/the local police to do?

Our society has a founding principle of "innocent until proven guilty."

If you have no evidence, it's just an accusation with nothing to back it up. It's not that the police WON'T help, it's that they CAN'T.

I want to protect children. But I can't just take custody away/arrest someone because their ex makes a claim of illegal activity with noting to back it up.

-Citicop.

[bigworm]

I'll make one more comment before I deactivate this account;

Unfortunately, I don't have the resources and the knowledge of the law that some may have. The reason I joined this forum was to communicate with those who might help and offer tips on what the laws may be. I'm an educated man, there is a lot that I DO know. One thing I know is that if you had this to deal with and it was your child or grandchild, maybe you'd see it in a different light. That's what this was about, not to get into an argument. I apologize for my passion, but this is my little boy that is being abused and scarred and I need to fix it.

Joining this forum was obviously an error on my part.

[Citicop]

I'll make one more comment before I deactivate this account;

Unfortunately, I don't have the resources and the knowledge of the law that some may have. The reason I joined this forum was to communicate with those who might help and offer tips on what the laws may be. I'm an educated man, there is a lot that I DO know. One thing I know is that if you had this to deal with and it was your child or grandchild, maybe you'd see it in a different light. That's what this was about, not to get into an argument. I apologize for my passion, but this is my little boy that is being abused and scarred and I need to fix it.

Joining this forum was obviously an error on my part.

I would still see it the same way if it was my child.

I would know that I needed evidence or a court order to change anything. Hence my advice to you.

I'm sorry that we were unable to help you in the way you wanted.

-Citicop.

[Samuel]

You have a lot of patience Citi.

Among other things he doesn't understand is that my reactions/actions/advice as a FATHER might well be very different than my reactions/actions/advice as an LEO. But I'm not going there (as a father) on record...

[MikeG]

I'll make one more comment before I deactivate this account;

Unfortunately, I don't have the resources and the knowledge of the law that some may have. The reason I joined this forum was to communicate with those who might help and offer tips on what the laws may be. I'm an educated man, there is a lot that I DO know. One thing I know is that if you had this to deal with and it was your child or grandchild, maybe you'd see it in a different light. That's what this was about, not to get into an argument. I apologize for my passion, but this is my little boy that is being abused and scarred and I need to fix it.

Joining this forum was obviously an error on my part.

I'm not a LEO, but you can have your lawyer ask for an in-home evaluation if you feel it's not safe. You can probably have the court require your wife to inform you when your child is not staying at the primary residence and if the ex is providing any type of care. But it's going to to be a judge and not the cops unless/until something happens to her. Even then, the police aren't going to do anything except immediately protect the kid or enforce a court order - even if she's arrested for DUI, unless you get a civil order for immediate custody, she'll get him back. MAke sure al your court orders are on file with local police. This is a family court concern, not criminal, which makes everything a civil action.

But the first thing I would do if I suspected someone was smoking drugs around a 6 year old is find out what kinds of drug tests the kid can be given. Urine and hair follicle tests should be 0 for him and nothing stops you from having those tests done when your wife returns him to you. If htey are smoking meth or whatever kind of drug shows up in hair follicles, it will be there for months. They are probably not cheap and you will want them done in a way that the court will accept them so again, your lawyer is the key.

BTW, if your kid has told you where the drug house is (which seems a little detailed for a 6 y/o and sounds like he may be telling you what you want to hear because I don't know much about 6 y/o's ), go down to the local police station and tell them what you know/heard. They either already know about the house and will want to know about when your wife goes there (because it's a nice felony arrest) or they can't do any less than what they are already doing. LEO's don't want to see kids hurt any more than anyone else and in fact, because they see them hurt a lot more than the average person, I suspect they have a lot less tolerance for illegal stuff involving kids.

What's not going to happen is an arrest based on a complaint about what your heard from a 6 y/o or what you think your ex is doing. It's just not the way it works. You can also bet she will claim you are doing something as well if you try to take custody away from her.

But it's your kid. Just like it's your job to make sure his seat belt is fastened and not the cops job to pull over only when they notice it. Her's things you can do:
1. Talk to his school counselor/psychologist. They will talk with your son. They are mandatory reporters and after Penn State, Pennsylvania teachers/counselors will be hypervigilent.
2. Talk to your lawyer about in-home evaluation and if it's worth it.
3. ask your lawyer about residual drug tests and if they have any worth. Not sure if police K-9 can detect residual drugs on clothes.
4. ask/tell your local pd about the drug house location. (not 911 call)
5. ask you lawyer to get order to disclose overnight wherabouts and caregivers to your kids.

But it's all you, not the police. Every call they get is usually the worst day of the callers life and they get that call multiple time a day. don't wait for that call.