My second writing assignment and general thoughts...

[SANE-A30]

When we hear the term death our mind is usually consumed with thoughts of fear, sorrow, paranoia. Death is not a subject of life that we care to envision or partake to much thought in until it happens. Many people that work in the medical field such as myself often become cold, calloused and immune to death. Over the years while working with the terminal ill I have had many experiences with death some personal, but mostly professional. The question of uncertainty always lies dormant in the back of my mind.

If I should die tomorrow did I live a prosperous life as I could have? This thought usually grasp me while I sit and hold the hand of my dying patient and as I watch their life slowly fade away , in these final moments my own perception of my life flashes before my very eyes. The thought of death leaves me untethered instead it allows me to see the vision for a way to live my life as if tomorrow may never come. I have seen death come in many forms countless times I have met it face to face. I have felt the chill and the sting that death brings as I have held a sobbing mother within my arms. I have also felt the emptiness it leaves behind as I kissed my grandfather goodbye for the final time. I have seen death's wrath and felt it's destruction. Death has become real to me in more ways than just one.

As I scrutinize over the concept of death it amplifies my will to live my life to the ultimate fullest. I believe too often people overlook this concept because they feel they have more than enough time to live their life. What we fail to realize is life is taken advantage of in more ways than just one. Time can quickly become our worst and unmistakable enemy. How long we have to enjoy this life will always remain a mystery but it is not wise to put things off until tomorrow that we could easily do today, we are not guaranteed another chance, death comes like a thief in the night at times and we must always be ready.

What does being ready consist of ? Acceptance? Fulfilling our bucket list? Pursuing dreams? Defining goals? If I should die tomorrow I hope to leave behind a life of a legacy.

I know I have spread my wisdom and advice to those that would appreciate it . I have given my laughter to those who took the time to acknowledge it. I have shared my dreams and goals with those who cared enough to listen. I have lived a life of perseverance and determination when the fears of reality nipped at my heels. I have had the divine opportunity of loving and nurturing a child by being his mother, there is no greater gift in this life, some might believe this is their sole purpose to be of existence. I can all but hope that my wisdom will live on in the life of my child as he grows older.
By being a sister, a mother, a friend and a lover I have been blessed by the opportunity to experience love in many forms . I have helped heal the sick and mend the broken. I have succeeded ,and I have failed. I have laughed, and I have cried .I have been shackled by fear, and at other times courageous. I have been victorious, and at times have found myself to become defeated. life is an array of emotions , moments and memories that death can never steal from us despite how rapid it may or may not come. When this life is over and my life is no more, I hope to not only be remembered by the things listed above but to also be remembered that I never let the fear of death conquer my will and determination to live my life as if today might be the very last opportunity to do so.



* is this morbid to want this read at my funeral* ??

why I chose this subject , it is something that is thrown in my face almost every day perhaps it is my outlet..its the one thing in life we run from but ultimately cannot escape.....