This amazing thing we call life.

[Outshined]

Have you ever noticed how unpredictable life is?

One minute you're 18, drinking for the first time legally, and the next you're burying loved ones.

One thing about this life is it never stops. It is always moving forward. It is moving fast. So fast, if you are not careful you will miss it.

If you have a family, kids, wife, mother, father, don't take them for granted. You have a good job, don't toy with it.

I am shocked ever day and a little nervous about what will come tomorrow. Will it be a good thing, or a bad thing? We never know.

I have found that if we dwell on it, it will drive us crazy.

Simple things like, will I cut my finger tomorrow or later today, or will someone I love die tomorrow.

People on this forum wonder will they ever get a Police job, and then they are looking back at a 25 year career. Seeming like it went by so fast, it is unreal.

And have you ever wondered, why am I still here? Why wasn't it me?

My wife died Feb 4 2009, and it just doesn't seem real to me. I have been thinking about it alot lately.

2 years ago, I had plans, now I have none.
I was busy, now I am not.
I had 2 sons at home I was taking care of, now I don't.
I cared about what vehicle we had, now I don't.
I cared about my weight, now I don't.
I worried about the future, now I don't.


Two years people, in two short years, everything can change. Keep that in mind when you kiss your wife or husband tonight, and tuck your kids in.

PS NOT looking for sympathy here, just posting some thoughts.

[Buffboy]

Have you ever noticed how unpredictable life is? YUP

One minute you're 18, drinking for the first time legally, and the next you're burying loved ones.

One thing about this life is it never stops. It is always moving forward. It is moving fast. So fast, if you are not careful you will miss it.

If you have a family, kids, wife, mother, father, don't take them for granted. You have a good job, don't toy with it.

I am shocked ever day and a little nervous about what will come tomorrow. Will it be a good thing, or a bad thing? We never know.

I have found that if we dwell on it, it will drive us crazy.

Simple things like, will I cut my finger tomorrow or later today, or will someone I love die tomorrow.

People on this forum wonder will they ever get a Police job, and then they are looking back at a 25 year career. Seeming like it went by so fast, it is unreal.

And have you ever wondered, why am I still here? Why wasn't it me?
YES. NOT MY/YOUR TIME YET.

My wife died Feb 4 2009, and it just doesn't seem real to me. I have been thinking about it alot lately.

2 years ago, I had plans, now I have none.

MAKE SOME PLANS. Like you said, life goes on, with or without your plans, but it usually goes much better when you are taking the initiative.

I was busy, now I am not.

See Above

I had 2 sons at home I was taking care of, now I don't.

I cared about what vehicle we had, now I don't.

It's a car, a thing, you shouldn't care about it

I cared about my weight, now I don't.

This you should worry about, but if you make plans it will work itself out

I worried about the future, now I don't.

Make your future, you are going there whether you are trying or not, it might as well be your way. At least then, it is to your plan, success or failure, not someone else's. You'll get back to worrying about that soon enough.


Two years people, in two short years, everything can change. Keep that in mind when you kiss your wife or husband tonight, and tuck your kids in.

PS NOT looking for sympathy here, just posting some thoughts.

Part of my thoughts are embedded, not answers, think of them as suggestions as answers can really only come from yourself.

I kiss my wife before she or I go anywhere and temper my actions to be there for her but, as you said, life is unpredictable. I only hope I can live up to my own suggestions if/when I have to face that agony. Thank you for your thoughts, you've given me much to think about.

[1depd]

I marvel about the speed of life everyday. Six years ago my wife was healthy an fine. Five years and 11 months ago me wife was diagnosed with a brain tumor and 2 weeks later it was taken out. The odds of it progressing and coming back are very high, so we go to the doctor every six months for an evaluation and dread the day when he says it's back. It is nearly always fatal after a long struggle when it comes back. The median life expectancy after this type of tumor is removed is 8 years. Now we pretty much live six months at a time. We try to plan farther out, but it doesn't normally pan out.

Something else I started noticing, as I listen to the 90's channel on Sirius. For various reasons I often check when songs were released. Many are 15-20 years old, yet they seem like they were released only a couple years ago. 15-20 years is almost a career where I currently work (my current plan is to retire at the 20 year mark). My kid is about half way through required school. In 5 years he will graduate. In a couple years he will be old enough to drive. Then I think back five years. Hurricane Katrina was just over five years ago.

Time is amazing and fast, you are correct.

[SANE-A30]

Shine,

I think these very same thoughts quite often because of the type of work I do. I am grateful for my job b/c it keeps my feet on the ground I don't take the little things for granted, you would be surprised how many patients ,terminal ill patients I have that their families don't come visit because it is an hour drive :(
I had one lady last week tell me on the phone she was not going to come visit her mom b/c her mom has been refusing to eat?? the thought crossed my mind hmmmm maybe that's why she isn't eating b/c she never sees her family and being the foot in my mouth person I am I said it... because I felt that she was being blind to the fact tomorrow might not come. then i have the little eighty year old man that comes everyday fighting the fight of survival with his wife he brings her socks to wear a clean blanket from home and sleeps in the recliner beside her bed, these moments make me think also......... thanks for sharing this because a lot of people neglect these thoughts... my prayers are with you.

[SANE-A30]

I marvel about the speed of life everyday. Six years ago my wife was healthy an fine. Five years and 11 months ago me wife was diagnosed with a brain tumor and 2 weeks later it was taken out. The odds of it progressing and coming back are very high, so we go to the doctor every six months for an evaluation and dread the day when he says it's back. It is nearly always fatal after a long struggle when it comes back. The median life expectancy after this type of tumor is removed is 8 years. Now we pretty much live six months at a time. We try to plan farther out, but it doesn't normally pan out.

Something else I started noticing, as I listen to the 90's channel on Sirius. For various reasons I often check when songs were released. Many are 15-20 years old, yet they seem like they were released only a couple years ago. 15-20 years is almost a career where I currently work (my current plan is to retire at the 20 year mark). My kid is about half way through required school. In 5 years he will graduate. In a couple years he will be old enough to drive. Then I think back five years. Hurricane Katrina was just over five years ago.

Time is amazing and fast, you are correct.

my prayers are with you too I know all about the every six months check ups I just had mine done waiting on the results...it is a hard and scary wait...I have one more appt after this one and I might be deemed as being able to live my life worry free.... this has been since 2001! So I feel your pain. when i was first diagnosed I found this poem it is taped to my locker and every now and then I take it down and read it to my patients if it fits the situation...

What Cancer Cannot Do

Cancer is so limited....
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the Spirit.

Author Unknown

[retdetsgt]

When I was a fairly young detective and first assigned to homicide, my partner and I were sitting with a deputy chief having coffee. We had been discussing a case we were working that was getting a lot of publicity and there was some political crap going on. But after we finished, the D/C asked me how many homicides we had so far this year (it was in the middle of December) and I told him 48. He replied that we will no doubt hit 50. At that point, my partner chimed in, "I wonder what number 49 and 50 are doing right now that they think is so f*****g important". We laughed at the time, but I got to thinking about that.

And the more I thought about it, the more I realized I needed to change my priorities in my life. I started ratcheting down work and started concentrating more on my family, especially my two daughters. Fortunately, they were still young. They became much more of a focus in my life and I started looking at my job as just that, a job.

And that entailed sometimes telling my bosses that I didn't want to work overtime when one of my kids had something planned. I turned down assignments that would have made me work nights and be away from them too long. In fact, I left homicide not too much longer after that and didn't go back until my oldest daughter was in college and I need the OT money for her. I'm proud to say that she graduated with both of us debt free. A couple of times when I was working drugs, I told my Lt. that I was working too many hours and I wasn't going to do that anymore. If that didn't work out for him, feel free to transfer me, but I was missing too much time with my kids.

Today, I'm blessed and I know it. I'm literally dying from emphysema and haven't got a lot of years left, but so what? I have a wife that makes me smile every single time she walks into the room, two daughters I adore and who call me all the time and grandkids that follow me around like puppy dogs. I'm sure grateful that I had that conversation years ago with the D/C because it opened my eyes to what I needed to concentrate on and I am so glad I did what I did. I could have lost all that was truly important.

[FoodStampz]

When I was a fairly young detective and first assigned to homicide, my partner and I were sitting with a deputy chief having coffee. We had been discussing a case we were working that was getting a lot of publicity and there was some political crap going on. But after we finished, the D/C asked me how many homicides we had so far this year (it was in the middle of December) and I told him 48. He replied that we will no doubt hit 50. At that point, my partner chimed in, "I wonder what number 49 and 50 are doing right now that they think is so f*****g important". We laughed at the time, but I got to thinking about that.

And the more I thought about it, the more I realized I needed to change my priorities in my life. I started ratcheting down work and started concentrating more on my family, especially my two daughters. Fortunately, they were still young. They became much more of a focus in my life and I started looking at my job as just that, a job.

And that entailed sometimes telling my bosses that I didn't want to work overtime when one of my kids had something planned. I turned down assignments that would have made me work nights and be away from them too long. In fact, I left homicide not too much longer after that and didn't go back until my oldest daughter was in college and I need the OT money for her. I'm proud to say that she graduated with both of us debt free. A couple of times when I was working drugs, I told my Lt. that I was working too many hours and I wasn't going to do that anymore. If that didn't work out for him, feel free to transfer me, but I was missing too much time with my kids.

Today, I'm blessed and I know it. I'm literally dying from emphysema and haven't got a lot of years left, but so what? I have a wife that makes me smile every single time she walks into the room, two daughters I adore and who call me all the time and grandkids that follow me around like puppy dogs. I'm sure grateful that I had that conversation years ago with the D/C because it opened my eyes to what I needed to concentrate on and I am so glad I did what I did. I could have lost all that was truly important.

That is the most depressing but lighthearted post I have ever read.

[Aussie George]

[S-99]

Outshined, if you've spent your whole life juggling responsibilities, and now you're free, then do something freeing. In a way, it's an opportunity. Seize it. Do something that's just for you. Go visit a place you always wanted to go, but never had the time. Learn a new language (I'm doing that now, LOL, my son is struggling with Spanish so I decided I would just learn it myself and help him). But you could actually do that and go visit, say, Spain, for a week or two. Go some place you always wanted to go but never had the time. Go to the library and get a copy of "Let's Go" (to one of the destinations of your choice). I'd say do it today, but the library is probably closed. So do it tomorrow.

Yes, we can feel sad for what we've lost. But those who've passed on don't want us to stay mired in grief. They would want us to be happy.

[marinepilot]

And have you ever wondered, why am I still here? Why wasn't it me?

My wife died Feb 4 2009, and it just doesn't seem real to me. I have been thinking about it alot lately.

2 years ago, I had plans, now I have none.
I was busy, now I am not.
I had 2 sons at home I was taking care of, now I don't.
I cared about what vehicle we had, now I don't.
I cared about my weight, now I don't.
I worried about the future, now I don't.

PS NOT looking for sympathy here, just posting some thoughts.

Shined,

Not giving any sympathy, just some thoughts on your thoughts.

First off, I would offer my sincere condolences on the loss of your wife. While I have lost people close to me, none have been that close, so I can not imagine the pain that you feel.

But your post came to mind today when I was at block training. We had a class done by one of the Commanders here, and it was called "Happily Ever After". His point was that we have all become "Disneyfied" in that we all expect happy endings like in the Disney movies we see.

When he talked about a couple that he and his wife are friends with tho, I thought of you and this post. He has two children and their friend couple have none. Seems they had a miscarriage some 10 years ago, and to this day, whenever they (both couples) get together, the other couple can not stop talking about it. They even let that setback (albeit a HUGE one) rule their lives from that point on, and never had any children, even tho they both wanted them. The Commander said they were "stuck in that moment" and have abdicated their happiness to one situation in their lives.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's definitely okay to grieve. And your grieving should be as long as you need it to be relative to your loss. Only you will be able to decide how long is long enough, but I believe that most of us on here hope that someday you will allow the grief to subside some. And the way to do that would be to be the opposite of how you say you are now:

make plans
be busy
worry about the future

I believe you're right not to worry about what car you drive as that is just a thing. Your weight you could care about some, but don't let it be overbearing as long as you're healthy, but getting busy or active can help you take care of that. I don't know about the two sons thing, hopefully you mean that they have grown now and you don't have to take care of them. But if they are still young enough that you could be caring for them, then you should be, because they are part of both you and your wife, and in them you can still see the life that she led and the magic that was her.

You say in two short years things can change. I believe your life changed in moments when your wife passed, and you're still grieving about it two years later. Again, you're the one who decides, but someday I hope you'll begin living again. In my honest opinion, it would be the best way to honor your wife and the time you did spend together.

God Bless

marinepilot

[S-99]

Shined,

Not giving any sympathy, just some thoughts on your thoughts.

First off, I would offer my sincere condolences on the loss of your wife. While I have lost people close to me, none have been that close, so I can not imagine the pain that you feel.

But your post came to mind today when I was at block training. We had a class done by one of the Commanders here, and it was called "Happily Ever After". His point was that we have all become "Disneyfied" in that we all expect happy endings like in the Disney movies we see.

When he talked about a couple that he and his wife are friends with tho, I thought of you and this post. He has two children and their friend couple have none. Seems they had a miscarriage some 10 years ago, and to this day, whenever they (both couples) get together, the other couple can not stop talking about it. They even let that setback (albeit a HUGE one) rule their lives from that point on, and never had any children, even tho they both wanted them. The Commander said they were "stuck in that moment" and have abdicated their happiness to one situation in their lives.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's definitely okay to grieve. And your grieving should be as long as you need it to be relative to your loss. Only you will be able to decide how long is long enough, but I believe that most of us on here hope that someday you will allow the grief to subside some. And the way to do that would be to be the opposite of how you say you are now:

make plans
be busy
worry about the future

I believe you're right not to worry about what car you drive as that is just a thing. Your weight you could care about some, but don't let it be overbearing as long as you're healthy, but getting busy or active can help you take care of that. I don't know about the two sons thing, hopefully you mean that they have grown now and you don't have to take care of them. But if they are still young enough that you could be caring for them, then you should be, because they are part of both you and your wife, and in them you can still see the life that she led and the magic that was her.

You say in two short years things can change. I believe your life changed in moments when your wife passed, and you're still grieving about it two years later. Again, you're the one who decides, but someday I hope you'll begin living again. In my honest opinion, it would be the best way to honor your wife and the time you did spend together.

God Bless

marinepilot

^^^ Said so much better than I could.

But around that date, it is hard. We understand. Hang in there!

[SANE-A30]

I actually just wrote a two page paper on this very subject.....perhaps I will post it in another thread to encourage I don't want to hijack shine's thread...I said a prayer for you today too!

[SANE-A30]

^^^ Said so much better than I could.

But around that date, it is hard. We understand. Hang in there!

100% AGREED I would REP all of you but it won't let me :(

[BJJVad]

[1depd]

retdetsgt--I understand where you are coming from. After the wife had her issue, it was a huge wake up call for me. Now I don't do O/T unless I want to and the main requirement is that it can't take time away from family. Much to my kid's dismay, I spend a lot of time with my family. He's 13 and at that age where he doesn't really want to be seen with his family. At least he'll have memories of his family being together a lot, instead of having months at a time where the only time we see each other is for an hour on Sunday.