" The Right To Carry"..... my rough draft paper I wrote for class

[SANE-A30]

I'm going to redo this to make it more indepth but this is my start... if you see any corrections please send them my way Thanks



She was sitting at the table in the campus library her palms were sweating , her hands trembling with fear. As the tears flowed down her face he stood over her dominating her with his anger for society his hand on the trigger he leaned in whispering in her ear, "Do you believe in God" ? When he received no response he quickly aimed toward her head pulling the trigger with no remorse . The assassin was a corpse of emotions, the only expression he felt was immodesty. last week the " Right To Carry" law was discussed in class should guns be allowed on college campuses ? If this law had been passed would there be less victims of school shootings? would the number increase? Would Cassie Bernell still be alive today or would she be just another statistic ? These are questions that remain unanswered and skeptical. In office one can expect this discussion to become a very heated and a controversial subject due to all the anti-gun laws. The primary focus should be that a assassin will not abide by any rules despite their principle if he wants to bring a gun to campus and use it to his advantage he will, should we remain defenseless instead of increasing our chances of survival from a psychotic madman , it seems ludicrous to me that this would even be a questionable solution.
I believe in today's society the " Right To Carry" law should be established nationwide because it has become a predominate necessity . The "right To Carry " law includes allowing a person with the proper permit to carry their gun on college campuses but the gun must be in plain view, I do not agree with the carrying of the weapon in plain view simply because if you were an assassin you would not take a person with a gun clipped to their belt as a hostage by passing this law as such this will enable the assassin to know who to target once again giving them a much higher advantage. This law being passed would also confirm my feelings of being in a much safer and stable environment knowing that someone in my class has the advantage of protecting me against an assault if one should arise. In the united states we have the rights to our freedom and our education do those same rights not apply to our safety? With the economic crunch increasing more and more people will be seeking other avenues for survival some will pursue a new career, some will turn to violence to survive, the person sitting next to you is a stranger, the person watching you from their car knows your schedule, you easily become a victim in your own familiar surroundings. times are changing and becoming more and more increasingly dangerous with lives continually being destroyed by campus violence, I feel the answer to passing this law is already there legislators and the public must accept the fact soon this will be our way of life with the society we live in. People have forgotten what it is like to be human their only perception now is gaining more and giving less they are overcome with wrath and greed and in turn this leads to not only self-destruction but the destruction of fellow man as well. Without this law being passed we are left defenseless against the malicious massacre attacks of those that feel manipulated and scorned, in their minds there life is already over and now it is time to end yours. They do not weep they have no remorse only retaliation . Why do we continue to choose to give them exactly what they crave, a victim.

[Norm357]

paragraphs!

[SANE-A30]

paragraphs!

lol it is broken up in word 7 but not on here

I'm going to redo it to make it better this just my thoughts thrown together in about ten minutes
other then that do you think it is passable ? does it make sense what i'm trying to say?

[Joeyd6]

What class is this for? What is the purpose of the assignment? What level class is this?

Grammer wise it is a mess with improper capitalization, missing punctuation and run-on sentences.

You make personal ponts without a sound argument. If it were my class I would call this a very rough draft.

[SANE-A30]

What class is this for? What is the purpose of the assignment? What level class is this?

Grammer wise it is a mess with improper capitalization, missing punctuation and run-on sentences.

You make personal ponts without a sound argument. If it were my class I would call this a very rough draft.

Yes it is a very very rough draft ( written literally in ten minutes) just posted this to see if it was a go before i finalized- meaning edited it....it is for my Humanities class we have to write 4 journal entry's by March.. this was discussed in class the other day

[SANE-A30]

Yes it is a very very rough draft ( written literally in ten minutes) just posted this to see if it was a go before i finalized it....it is for my Humanities class we have to write 4 journal entry's by March.. this was discussed in class the other day

will you explain the sound argument? how should I fix it?
more examples to support my opion?

thanks for the feedback!

[Sgt. Slaughter]

Do your own homework!

[JoetheGI]

will you explain the sound argument? how should I fix it?

While I'm not familiar with how a "journal entry" should be structured, it seems that an argumentative essay would be an appropriate method to convey the ideas you are trying to express.

Check this out: Purdue OWL: Essay Writing

[SANE-A30]

Do your own homework!

ummm I did... and apparently i need a writing tutor lol...not wanting you guys to "write" my paper just your opion if it makes sense....Geeze... go eat a sandwhich and get happy :D

While I'm not familiar with how a "journal entry" should be structured, it seems that an argumentative essay would be an appropriate method to convey the ideas you are trying to express.

Check this out: Purdue OWL: Essay Writing

thanks!

[SANE-A30]

that is a really great website thank you!!

[canuckofapeach]

will you explain the sound argument? how should I fix it?
more examples to support my opion?

thanks for the feedback!

ummm I did... and apparently i need a writing tutor lol...not wanting you guys to "write" my paper just your opion if it makes sense....Geeze... go eat a sandwhich and get happy :D

SANE, the forum does allow posters to ask questions about policing and law enforcement issues which can be briefly answered by LEO's. However, we do not encourage requests for lengthy critiques of study assignments.

[SANE-A30]

SANE, the forum does allow posters to ask questions about policing and law enforcement issues which can be briefly answered by LEO's. However, we do not encourage requests for lengthy critiques of study assignments.

gotcha... sorry, I sent you a pm check your inbox

[Joeyd6]

It doesn't matter what YOU THINK, it matters what you can prove. "I think" and "I believe" are great in philosophy. But if you want anyone to believe you are "right," you needs some cold hards facts or data from a reliable source. Like comparing crime stats from the FBI for an area that has open carry vs. one that does not.

[MikeG]

Umm yeah. I have trouble reading this. It's a mish-mash of personal points, anecdotal stories, third and first person, etc, etc.

Here's tried a true 5 paragraph essay.
Intro Paragraph: 2 to 3 sentences that defines exactly what you are going to say. i.e. "Concealed carry inside classrooms should be the law of the land. Students, teachers and visitors will be safer. School shootings will go down. Crime will go down."
Paragraph 1: "Students, teachers, visitors will be safer because XXX. Studies done by YYY show ZZZ. Some argue that it won't be because AAA but study BBB clearly shows CCCC.

Paragraph 2: School shooting will go down. Recent shooting suggest DDD and expert EEE says FFF.

paragraph 3: Crime will go down. You get the point (safer studies, crime reduction, open carry refuted, etc)

Conclusion: It's clear that concealed carry should be allowed in the classroom. reiterate conclusions, etc. Reemphasize intro.

Done. Works everytime.

[SANE-A30]

thanks for ALL the advice above I appreciate it.