Friends With Kids

[LawGurl32]

Ok ya'll I need some feedback on this one. My friend and I had an argument last night. Here it goes.....


The Background

My friend (19) and her grandmother took custody of their 5 yr old niece (& her sister got the 1yr old baby) because their mother is a crack ***** and stays in jail. On up until recently the 5yr old (to be referred to as Tami) has stayed with her grandmother. My friend is engaged and stays at her fiances house. The child is ADHD (and believe me will aggrivate the pure he!! out of you). The grandmother has congestive heart failure.


What happened last night

Ok, I called and invited her and her fiance to go bowling last night because I had coupons for the lanes. She said they would like to go. I was like yea cool. Well like an hr later it hit me that she might bring the kid along so I called her back and was like "hey dude is Tami going to be with ya'll?" she said yea. I told her that I didnt want to go if Tami was going because I didnt feel like chillin with a 5yr ol tonight (btw, im a substitute teacher on an elementary level and when i get home from work i am drove nuts to the max.. not to mention i have to wake up at 530 to get to work on time) I asked her if she couldnt find a babysitter for her (like her sister or grandmother). She said no cuz she is scared to call her sister (which has no problem dumping the 1yr old off on her) and she claimed her grandmother was so bad off that night she had to call an ambulance on her. When she said that about her grandmother I said "and you left her alone??" She gets pissed and hangs up.

Well Mike (her fiance) calls like 5 min later and is saying she is crying (like no duh.. she has the reputation of being a total drama queen). Oh yea my mom answered that call..... But he was asking what went down or whatever and mom was telling him the same thing. Mike is cool. He understood. Newayz that was the end of that.

So my whole thing I want to ask is that do you think I was wrong asking if the kid was going since I was the one who invited them to go? Do you think it would have been a courtesy thing for her to tell me she had the kid with her instead of assuming that I felt like hanging out with her tonight. Its no different if they asked me to go with them somewhere and they I had someone I wanted to bring. I would ask first. Its a respect thing. So, do u think I should let her get over it, call her, or what? Cuz I really dont know. Imo I think she was trying to get all dramatic and crap so her fiance would hug all on her and stuff.

[greenlead]

The kid needs love. Sometimes they act that way because of the garbage they've gone through and they need attention.

They are doing their best to help the child. It would make me feel very bad if I couldn't go somewhere with my "parents" because someone else doesn't like me and my medical problems. How would that make you feel?

[JCsDarkhalf]

Your friends in a "new" area with the whole I have a kid now so its not as easy to just jump up and go hang out, she might be having a hard time dealing with this and expecting you to understand and know how she feels. You should also understand that it will not be as easy as it used to just to call and expect her to be able to just hop up and come hang out with you. I would call her and tell her that you honestly don't feel like having the child involved on "nights out" and maybe start planning some get togethers for the future, when child care can be arranged better. Your friend also might be having a hard time dealing with her Grandmothers health, her being a drama queen shouldn't matter if you truely are her friend. JMHO

[LawGurl32]

Lol I think u missed the whole point of that one. What im saying is that if I invite someone to go somewhere with me I feel like its there responsibility to say whether or not they are bringing their kid. Its no different than if someone wanted me to go somewhere and I wanted someone else to go. Its just a courtesy issue. In that particular occasion I didnt feel like being around a 5 yr old after I had dealt with them all day at work. My whole thing Im trying to get at here is do I owe her an apology or leave it alone.

[JCsDarkhalf]

Yeah got it, Okay if I were your friend Yes I would have come out and told you that I had the kid and that would be the only way I could come, or if you were my friend you could have said Hey, I'm stressed out from the kids in school today if you can get a sitter would you like to come bowling for a while, that way I'd get the hint that you really didn't want a kid along. I don't think you owe her an apology, but I'd call and try to clear the air about "HOW" the whole thing went down.

[LawGurl32]

ty I apprecieate it. Its all so new. I dont know what to do. haha

[Jynkxxie]

This is just me...But once you have a child...that is your life...so yeah she has a greater responsibility here. What you should have done if you wanted to hang out with her, was ask her fiance if he would watch the child while you two went out and painted the town. Just my opinion. I don't have children, but I do have a puppy which does require some attention and I can't just pick up now a days and go out without thinking about him either. It is not like he knows where the food is or how to use the toilet. He is like a baby. And another thing that comes about with having children is that if these two want to go out they need to find a babysitter..which as I have learned is not the easiest thing to get...especially on a Saturday night when most people either want to go out themselves or just want a break from the work week. If you didn't want the child to go along then I think you should have invited someone who doesn't have that kind of responsibility.

No offense.