Military Christmas OPORDER

[mace_man]

TO: ALL Soldiers

Subject: OPORD 20081222

REF: Official Visit of LTG Claus.

1. An official staff visit by LTG Claus is expected at your house on 25
Dec. The following directives govern activities of all young soldiers,
during the visit.

a. Not a creature will stir without permission. This includes Warrant
Officers. Soldiers may obtain special stirring permits for necessary
administrative action through the Battalion G-1. Officer stirring
permits must be obtained through the Deputy Post Plans and Policy
Office.

b. All personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap NLT 2200
hours 24 December. Uniform for the nap will be: Pajamas, Cotton, Light
Weight, General Purpose, OG, and Cap, Utility woodland pattern, with ear
flaps in the extended position. Equipment will be drawn from the supply
room prior to 2130. While at supply, all personnel will review their
personal hand receipts and sign a Cash Collection Voucher, DD Form 1131,
for all missing items. Remember, this is the "season of giving."

c. Personnel will utilize standard "MRE" ration sugar plums for visions
to dance through their heads. Sugar plums are available in "MRE"
ration sundry packs and should be eaten with egg loaf, chopped ham, and
spice cake to ensure maximum visions are experienced.

d. Stockings, Wool, Cushion Sole (1 each), will be hung by the chimneys with
care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fires caused
by carelessly hung stockings. 1SGs will submit stocking handling plans
to G-3/Training prior to 0800, 24 Dec. All squad leaders will ensure
their subordinate personnel are briefed on the safety aspects of
stocking hanging.

e. At first sign of clatter, all personnel will spring from their beds
to investigate and evaluate the cause. Immediate action will be taken to
tear open the shutters and throw up window sashes. On order OPLAN 7-98
(North Pole), para 6-8 (c)(3), dated 4 March, this office, takes effect
to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. NCOs will be familiar
with procedures and are responsible for seeing that no shutters are torn
or sashes thrown prior to official commencement of clatter.

f. Prior to 0001, date of visit, all personnel possessing Standard
Target Acquisition and Night Observation (STANO) equipment will be
assigned "wandering eyeball" stations. The Company Master Gunner will
ensure that these stations are adequately manned even after shutters are
torn and sashes are thrown.

g. The G-4, in coordination with the National Security Agency and the
Motor Pool will assign one each Sleigh, Miniature, M-24, with eight
reindeer, tiny, flying, for use by LTG Claus. The assigned driver must
have a current sleigh operator's license with roof top permit and
evidence of attendance at the winter driving class stamped on a current
DA Form 348. Driver must also be able to clearly shout "On Donner, On
Dancer, etc...."

2. LTG Claus will initially enter your quarters through the chimney. All
houses without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M6A2 for use during
the visit. Chimney simulators must be requested on DA Form 2765-1 which
must be submitted in four copies to the G-4 prior to 24 Dec. Personnel
will ensure that chimneys simulators are properly cleaned before turn-in
at the conclusion of visit.

3. All NCOs will be rehearsed in the shouting of "Merry Christmas and
Happy New Year" or "Merry Christmas To All and To All a Good Night."
This shout will be given upon termination of the visit. Uniformity of
shouting is the responsibility of each 1SG.

CLAUS

LTG

Not so OFFICIAL:

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

[Control372]

LOL cute. Thank you merry Christmas!