Seventh-day Adventist question...Family problems; Need help, advice, info etc PLEASE

[Hockey9019]

Please please please please please DO NOT turn this into an argument


Can someone please describe this religion please...


Are they cult like?

I know they act almost as Jehovahs Witnesses (Go door to door)


They can't eat pork, shellfish, catfish, crabs etc (anything that is "dirty")

They can't wear jewelry (including wedding rings)

On Saturdays, they cannot work, prepare meals, go shopping, and the day is completely spent for the church....

I'll explain more when I have time whats going on, but basically my mom is finally getting married after 10 years pretty much after my parents divorce (my dad has been remarried for some time)

The guy she is marrying is a really nice guy...I get a long just fine the few times I've met him...

Well...she has always been Catholic and he is the SDA religion. She never was a practicing Catholic. Well they finally agreed to get married once she got baptized or whatever they call it to his religion.

Now shes VERY deep into this religion and its really starting to effect myself and my brother and sister (I'm not Catholic or any other religion-my parents could never agree on what to baptize me which I'm glad for)

I agreed to come down this weekend and help her move. However, she said we can't move anything into his house on Saturday (but never said anything about moving her stuff out of her house even though I know she never thought of that yet)

The problem is, my brother, brother and law (sister can't shes pregnant and far along) and I are taking time out of our schedule to help her move. I live about 100 miles away from her house so its not like I can just come down in the middle of the week.


This is aggravating...extremely..I'm not one to judge religions but when you start taking it to an extreme, I have a problem. I poke fun and ask her when they are going to make them drink the Kool-Aid but she doesn't find much humor in that. I took everyone out to eat tonight and honestly...it felt really uncomfortable. She has tried to push the religion on me and I tell her to back off. Same with my sister. (both siblings are older)

I asked her to come and see my new place but she says she has no time...with planning the wedding (end of this month...) When she told me when they were getting married (last month) (orig date of October (end of month) but they moved it to the end of this month. When I asked her why the rush, she said well its not like we have to plan a bunch of stuff like you and her (my fiancee)....well now she sees for what she wants, its taking a lot more. Either way, she still hasn't came up here (she says she doesn't have the time for it...)


I understand the whole she's happy so let it be...but come on...

Telling us that we can't move her on a Saturday because thats what her religion says but wants us to work around her IMO is just selfish

I know that SDA's are extremely against getting married to another denomination


I'm trying my best to just keep my mouth shut but its hard. My fiancee knows something is wrong (and she sees what we're all talking about) with me and its bothering me...my mom and I used to be REALLY close...but shes so wrapped up with this anymore..I hardly hear from her...

I call and ask her for information about FAFSA, and she just tells me to call back later when she has more time...I know I did it at the last minute but I've been so stressed with everything...I can't put my dads information down because he makes so much more money and I have a better chance to get FA using my mom (even though I never do) (No I don't receive any support from either parent)

I've tried to talk to my mom before and she just says maybe one day...I'll open my eyes to this...

Its just hard...seriously...I've had so much just fall apart lately...if its not one thing...its another...there's a point where you wonder how much more can happen...

Sorry when I meant to say I'll explain more when I have time I guess I had more time then I thought...


I am just so stressed, and I try to not let it bother me but it does...before this, it was no work anywhere near my town, not having money for my house...ugh.. :(


This is really personal, and would appreciate any help...

I just really needed to post this and see what others have to say and offer any advice, suggestions, information, any dealings with this religion/cult etc blah blah blah

[TNCJGA]

Did my graduate thesis on this subject. You have two options, the first is to accept it and let her go be supportive and hope she will come back. Or confront her and watch her leave you. From what you have said, shes past the point of bein talked out of it. She now sees the world from the church's point of view. Since this group is a recognized religion and does not knowingly practice illegal activities help will be hard to find. Only a bad experience or her own choice to leave will turn this around. I'm sorry.

Check out: www.rickross.com
Once my ETD becomes available i will give you the link to that if you would like.

[mxwelch]

Personally I think SDAs are crackpots but then again I bet they think the same thing about me. This is an easy one.

"Mom, I can't make it down on Wed so you'll have to find some help or hire a mover. Sat is the only possible day I can do it."

You have to let her live her own life dude. If she wants to join the SDAs then there's nothing you can do to stop it. You have to ask yourself if you can come to terms with it. Sit her down and tell her it not open for discussion and if she wants a normal relationship with you she'll respect your wishes.

[manahmanah]

Call this lady, she can help.

[GoDirectly2Jail]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seventh_day_Advantist

Offshoot of the Protestant denomination that's been around since the 1800's.

Their biggest claim to fame is the assertation that Saturday is the "official" Sabbath, but they are no nuttier than your average Baptist, Presbyterian, or Episcopalian.

Certainly not in the same league as something like Scientology or others that are way "out there".

[Ispbear]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seventh_day_Advantist

Offshoot of the Protestant denomination that's been around since the 1800's.

Their biggest claim to fame is the assertion that Saturday is the "official" Sabbath, but they are no nuttier than your average Baptist, Presbyterian, or Episcopalian.

Certainly not in the same league as something like Scientology or others that are way "out there".

Beat me to posting the link.

But they are not a cult, as in worshiping a person that is still alive. They live by the Bible but have different interpretations of some things. They believe that Saturday is the Sabbath day and should be devoted to church and family. Your probably not old enough, but when I grew up there were no businesses open on Sunday since it was a the day of Sabbath.
Times have changed but it sounds like they are strict into observing the Sabbath.

Sounds like to me you need to have a talk with your mother. Just explain that you would like to help but if Saturday is the only day you can do it she will have to find someone else to help her. Let her know that you understand the religion choice that she has made but that it is not for you. If you were already planning to make the trip, still offer to come see her and tell her that you can still spend the day with her and have a nice meal or something.

Be nice, be respectful, but let her know that there are boundaries with her beliefs that do not need to be forced on the rest of the family.

[retdetsgt]

There's a SDA church about 3 blocks from my house. They're letting a Presbyterian church that just started up use their facilities on Sunday. That hardly sounds like a cult.

The wife of one of my best friends is a hardcore SDA. My friend isn't a member, but goes with her on special occasions. She has a pretty hardcore interpretation of the Bible, but so do other fundamentalists.:confused: I certainly don't think she's a dingbat. We don't talk religion, but I don't talk religion with anybody if I can possibly avoid it.

I agree with others, you're an adult, so is your Mom. Let it go and let her be happy.;)

[kels]

Religion is like politics.
Arguing about it isnt going to change things.

Be helpful and be supportive, but leave the issue alone.

Give things time

Best wishes

(ps, dont plan on bacon or ham with your eggs for breakfast when you got to visit.
They dont eat pork. My sister in law is a member LOL)

[FutureBlue]

Personally I think SDAs are crackpots but then again I bet they think the same thing about me. This is an easy one.

"Mom, I can't make it down on Wed so you'll have to find some help or hire a mover. Sat is the only possible day I can do it."

You have to let her live her own life dude. If she wants to join the SDAs then there's nothing you can do to stop it. You have to ask yourself if you can come to terms with it. Sit her down and tell her it not open for discussion and if she wants a normal relationship with you she'll respect your wishes.

You took the very words right out of my mouth. ;) +100

[retdetsgt]

Sit her down and tell her it not open for discussion and if she wants a normal relationship with you she'll respect your wishes.

And vice versa. You have to accept her new husband and their religion if you want a normal relationship too.

I think I'd be pretty offended if one of my adult children tried to tell me how to run my life, just as much as if I tried to run theirs. My kids have made several life decisions since becoming adults that I'm not choked up about, but it's not my place to be critical of them. I'd much rather keep them in my life.

[noelchabanel]

Sorry to hear yet another thing has been thrown on your plate.

I have known a few of them, and as a theology major, I have read a little bit about them too. They are generally very nice people. I wouldn't say they are a cult in general (some people in ANY group though can make a cult of it), but they are pretty particular about these things, so you probably shouldn't push it. I think they also believe drinking coffee is a sin, so don't try to make her feel better by bringing over a dozen Dunkin Donuts and Box of Joe ;).

Seriously though, I would just tell her honestly, that helping her on another day is a greater sacrifice than you are able to make. If that is more important to her, she will have to sacrifice and hire someone. Otherwise, she is asking you to make one sacrifice to help her move, and a second sacrifice to help her do it on a day she prefers. That doesn't square well with the biblical ideal of justice. Offering a just personal sacrifice to help others is a big part of most churches' spirituality, and I know it should certainly ring a bell if she was once a practicing Catholic. If you speak to her in that language, she may understand where you are coming from a little better.

As someone who is and has always been an active Catholic, I don't claim to have any inside insight that will help, I just think religious people in general think that way...it may not really apply, and to be totally honest, if she is a bitter ex-Catholic, she may resent my way of thinking.

[Sierra]

Hockey:

If you have specific questions regarding the SDA religion, please PM me. I have not been a practicing SDA'er in about 20 years, but I can probably answer most of your questions.

As I stated before, SDA is not a cult. I must admit, however, that I have never heard them compared to Witnesses (shudder). They do go by a fairly strict interpretation of the bible which includes the seventh day (Saturday) being a day of rest. They follow the Jewish custom of Friday sundown to Saturday sundown for observance.

I am not aware of SDA'ers being 'extremely against' marriage outside the religion unlike some others (such as Catholics). I would say it is more along the lines of preferring it stay within the church.

Like most everyone else, I recommend telling your mom to hire some help based on schedule conflicts.

[Hockey9019]

Thank you everyone for the help

[retdetsgt]

Reminds me of a funny story when I was drinking my way through my first year of college out of high school.

My best friend was a Jewish kid. He told me he was Jewish, but I kinda forgot about it for all intent and purpose.

He was from NY and we were in Arizona. I went back to Texas over a break and took him with me. I never thought to mention anything to my mother so when we arrived, she had a big ham dinner....

I froze for a second and then he said, "Great! Ham! I never get that at home!"

Whew, he really was a good friend......

[noelchabanel]

I am not aware of SDA'ers being 'extremely against' marriage outside the religion unlike some others (such as Catholics). I would say it is more along the lines of preferring it stay within the church.

Just for accuracy's sake (even though it's off topic), that is no longer the case officially for Catholics. That mindset, which was common in other churches as well mind you, went out with the 70's (although I am sure plenty of grandmothers would disagree )