Warning harsh language but worth it.

[Norm357]

The following is taken from the "Dennis Miller Live" show -

Boy, I don't envy cops. A cop is a person who leaves every day for work
and doesn't know if they'll ever make it home alive. In other words,
they're just like any other person trying to earn a living.

Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but the glamorous and
exciting image of cops we have from TV shows and movies gives you as
accurate a picture of reality as watching a Bill Clinton press
conference dubbed in Swahili while you're high on amyl nitrate poppers.
Or, for that matter, a Clinton press conference under any circumstances.

Now, before I criticize how other people do their jobs, I always ask
myself, "Could I do it?" And the answer here is no, because the job of
cop can be more foul than George Kennedy without his Breath assure. Hey,
I just don't have the temperament. The first time some Chiclet-brain I
pulled over for a traffic ticket gave me that "Hey, I pay your salary,"
rap, I'd be too tempted to flip him a quarter and say, "Here's a refund,
fuckwad," and then I'd drag his *** out of the car and start beating on
him like he was a Hitler piñata at a Mossad picnic. Yeah, if I were a
cop, I'd go through stun guns like Bing Crosby after noticing his kids
weren't playing with their new toys on Christmas morning.

Cops day to day have to deal with more violence than Tina Turner did
when Ike lost the Grammy. And they have to deal with the same violent
criminals over and over again. The greased pneumatic tube that we
laughingly refer to as our legal system has criminals back on the
streets before the arresting officer can finish the K-2-sized mound of
paperwork on their original arrest.

It's frustrating for cops. It's like when I make jokes about Newt
Gingrich being a big fat *******. Just when I think I'm done with him,
he becomes an even bigger, fatter *** crater and I have to do even more
jokes about him.

By the way, did you know that cops in England don't even carry guns? All
they have are those wooden sticks. And do you know how difficult it is
to toss a bullet up in the air and then use a stick to smack it into a
criminal? Pretty difficult.

But back to the good old U.S. of AK-47. And how about a mention for the
most unheralded cop of all -- the police dog. Super group of selfless
little pooches, there. Working long hours all day looking for drugs and
not even getting a chance to sniff a nice butt, and when they go home to
the doghouse, they're under too much stress and strain to even be able
to eat their kibbles or mount their *****. Thank you, dog cop.

This is not to say there aren't some bad two-legged cops out there. For
instance, when the police kick open the door and catch you and your wife
fixing the camshaft in the methamphetamine lab, why do they always
scream, "Freeze motherfuckers!" Hey, a simple "freeze" will do,
guttermouth. My wife is in the room and the kids are sleeping in the
back. Show a little respect for the family unit, please.

But these are quibbles. Ninety-nine percent of the time, my allegiances
lie with the men and women in blue. The rights of the criminal should
never supersede the rights of good, decent, hardworking people. As far
as I'm concerned, the rights of the criminal begin and end the moment a
criminal is caught in the act.

Sometimes I yearn for the simpler days, when cops didn't have to be so
politically correct and touchy-feely and compassionate. Like Kojak. He
was just a crazy, bald son of a ***** who didn't give a ****. Like when
this couple from the Midwest whose daughter moves to New York and
becomes a prostitute gets murdered, and they're in the station house
sobbing and Kojak walks in and says, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, she was Mom's
apple pie, the Fourth of July ... SHE WAS A HOOKER!" Telly, we hardly
knew ye.

Now we've gone to the other end of the spectrum, where the police have
to drive alongside the armed fugitive, placing themselves and innocent
civilians in harm's way until PCP boy runs out of psycho gas. It's true.

One phenomenon currently taking place in the city is the fully televised
high-speed prime-time chase that all the local television stations
insist on carrying in its entirety. Hey, Airwolf, blow the fucking tires
out and put Frasier back on, okay?

Sure, I think cops can be brutal sometimes, because it is a brutal world
we live and make them work in. But while we're sleeping in our homes,
they're out on the dirty boulevard trying to make it safe for us in the
morning.

And for all you ACLU members out there without A-C-L-U-E: When you hear
a noise outside your house in the middle of the night and you fear for
your life and call 911, just be glad it's cops who show up at your front
door and not Alan Dershowitz, because, believe me, if it was Dershowitz,
you'd end up more fucked than a tour group in Amsterdam led by Wilt
Chamberlain on Spanish fly.

Of course, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.

[yahcanmicrowave]

Dennis Miller is a big time phoney. After being fired by Monday Night Football he realized his career was in the ****ter so he had better come up with a better act. The act was to transform his his act into a "America, you are either with us or against us". More phoney bull**** from Hollywood. I consider this worse than the lefty Babs as Miller is just patronizing the right.

Screw him - go back to your hole Dennis where you came from. You are not very funny anyway.

[mcsap]

"without A-C-L-U-E " now that was funny !! With a little clean up this would be great for broadcast TV.

[Norm357]

Originally posted by yahcanmicrowave
Dennis Miller is a big time phoney. After being fired by Monday Night Football he realized his career was in the ****ter so he had better come up with a better act. The act was to transform his his act into a "America, you are either with us or against us". More phoney bull**** from Hollywood. I consider this worse than the lefty Babs as Miller is just patronizing the right.

Screw him - go back to your hole Dennis where you came from. You are not very funny anyway.

Screw you, I thought it was a great read.:D

[yahcanmicrowave]

bite me baaby. And bite me hard

[Jynkxxie]

After reading that I have a differnent take on him, as I to never much cared for him. Good Read Norman.

[Norm357]

Originally posted by yahcanmicrowave
bite me baaby. And bite me hard

:D

[coucousis]

Gee Norm you are into the mooood...

Good writting and very true...

I would post it at work... but ... everybody speaks french so.... I'll keep it for me..

(No No we are not Freedom fries)...

[mcsap]

I can't verify for his sincerity ( don't know enough about him) but the fact based entertainment value is there. I'll take good press ( for the police) from just about anyone. We can always use it.

[metallicat]

Dennis Miller is the man, plain and simple. Thanks for posting that.

[locokarma]

Excellent post, Norm!

[tommygenewoolworth]

thanks fo rht efine post from DENNIS MILLER he is the man.

tommygene

[bucknutz30]

"By the way, did you know that cops in England don't even carry guns? All they have are those wooden sticks. And do you know how difficult it is to toss a bullet up in the air and then use a stick to smack it into a criminal? Pretty difficult."

I actually laughed out loud at that one. Good read.