You have the bladder capacity of five people.
Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery at shift change.
You call for a criminal background check on anyone who seems remotely friendly towards you.
You think everyone is automatically lying unless they can prove it to you.
Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal.
You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.
You believe that "shallow gene pool" is sufficient grounds for arrest.
You believe the government should require background checks and permits prior to reproduction.
You believe that unspeakable evil will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, it's really quiet tonight."
Your diet consists of food that has gone through more processing than a computer can actually track.
You believe chocolate is a food group.
You believe that "too stupid to live" is a valid verdict.
You think caffeine should be available in I.V. form.
Your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.
When you mention "vegetables" you're not referring to the food group.
It occurs to you one night that you really have entered "The Twilight Zone."
You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.
You are told to deliver a human body part to the lab and you find youself talking to it in the car.
You are the only person introduced by profession at a social gathering.
You walk into places and people think it highly comical to seize a coworker and shout, "They've come to get you, Frank!"
People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room in uniform and they think they are being hysterically funny AND original.