Military stuff

[retdetsgt]

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.

One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it ?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling ?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make ?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference........
If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
If it's a Marine Corps aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.
If it's an Army aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."
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During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another jeep stuck in the mud with a red-faced Colonel at the wheel.
"Your jeep stuck, sir ?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "yours is."
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Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new Colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the Colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want ?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook-up your telephone."
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Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer ! Now, let's try it again !"
Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR !"
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Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party ?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine ?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
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An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after- shave to slap on their faces.
The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me ! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse !"
The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on me. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
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"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."
"Not me, Chief !" the Seaman replied. "Once, I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!

[Sherlock Holmes]

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An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after- shave to slap on their faces.
The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me ! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse !"
The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on me. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

Brilliant.

"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."
"Not me, Chief !" the Seaman replied. "Once, I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!

I legit lol'd at this.

[retdetsgt]

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer ! Now, let's try it again !"
Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR !"

That was my favorite. I spent two years enlisted and four as an Army officer. I can imagine that conversation really happening!

[Aussie George]

An Army Private was using the urinal when an officer stood beside him and did the same.

Once the Private was finished he buttoned up his pants and walked out without washing his hands. The officer finished shortly after, washed his hands and left the ablution block.

Outside the officer saw the Private and approached him.

Officer: "Private, I am an officer and a gentleman. I have spent the last nine years in education and training and underwent extensive officer training. During that time I learnt to wash my hands after going to the toilet."

Private: "Really, Sir. I spent 6 months in boot camp and we learnt not to pi$$ on our hands."

[Sherlock Holmes]

An Army Private was using the urinal when an officer stood beside him and did the same.

Once the Private was finished he buttoned up his pants and walked out without washing his hands. The officer finished shortly after, washed his hands and left the ablution block.

Outside the officer saw the Private and approached him.

Officer: "Private, I am an officer and a gentleman. I have spent the last nine years in education and training and underwent extensive officer training. During that time I learnt to wash my hands after going to the toilet."

Private: "Really, Sir. I spent 6 months in boot camp and we learnt not to pi$$ on our hands."

Enlisted FTW!