Schools and Facebook

[MPI1]

Hey everyone,

Yesterday I was called by the Principle at my daughters middle school. He had called my daughter into the office because of something she had posted on facebook about one of the girls that goes to her school. The post was "Your ugly and I hate you" NOWHERE did she say the name of the other girl, or even the sex of the person. The only reason she got called in is because the mother of the other girl called the school and screamed cyber bullying.

The mom of the other girl has it out for my daughter. This is the second time she has called the school on my daughter for stupid crap. The first time was because my daughter called the other girl a freak, thats right a freak. She called her that because the other girl forced my daughter to rub her vagina, and then kissed my daughter by grabbing her head. When my wife and I confronted the other girls mother with this incident, she said that her daughter wouldn't do anything like that to another girl. She is one of those parents that think her kid does no wrong.

So the principle is having both of the girls come into the office and sign a "contract" stating that they will not talk about each other, and that if they do, they can be given detention, suspension, or even expulsion. We personally don't think our daughter did anything wrong here. We are the first people to say when she does something wrong, but "Your ugly and I hate you" is FAR from bullying when she doesn't even say the person's name. So we told her not to sign the contract and if the principle has any issues with it to call us.

So what do you guys think? Is "your ugly and I hate you" without anyone's name involved considered cyber bullying?

[pafindr]

I'm really offended. It's "you're" not "your".

But on a serious note:
IF your daughter was telling the kids at school that the post she made WAS about that particular girl then it really doesn't matter whether or not she had the name on Facebook. Everyone knows who she was talking about.
Kids don't always tell their parents everything, especially if it will lay blame on themselves.

IF your daughter said nothing to any one then there is really nothing to go one except the fact that she doesn't like the girl. That's not enough to go on. Kids hate lots of things and think lots of things are ugly.

The real question is why wasn't something done immediately about the girl trying to get your daughter to touch her?

[retdetsgt]

The touching should have been a police issue, not just confronting the mother. Of course the mother is going to deny her princess did anything like that.

It's also a good opportunity to teach your daughter about the power and the consequences of the Internet. Never put anything here you don't want to be in tomorrow's headlines.

[MikeG]

Meh. I'd ask the principle to go farther and add "No Contact." This isn't a "I'm right they are wrong so they need to be punished," it's a "they are crazy and I need protection so I want no contact and I want it enforced."

Not a LEO but in Arizona, I believe the sexual assault you describe is a "mandatory reporter" type offense. If the principal of the school heard that report, they would be required to report it to authorities - they are in the deep doo doo if you reported it to the principal and they only drew up a "contract" and treated it as "cyber-bullying." Technically, as a parent, you would also be a mandatory reporter. If the school has a resource officer, explain it to them and you will see what the process should be. If the principle was also informed but didn't report, explain that to the resource officer as well.

[retdetsgt]

School officials are mandatory reporters in Oregon too.

[JustJoe]

How old is your daughter and the other girl in question? I was thinking they were pretty young, but you have to be 13 years of age to have a Facebook. Personally, I think that everyone (no matter what age) should be careful about what they post on social networking sites. Even if you think you are "safe", because everything is set to private...you could be wrong! Just be careful, you never know who could be reading what you write.

[MPI1]

My daughter is 13, as for why the touching wasn't immediately reported, well that would be because my daughter didn't tell my wife until about 4 days ago and it happened 3 years ago (roughly).

Just an update, my daughter decided to sign the contract with the principle and she made that choice so now she will have to deal with those actions and follow the contract going forward. I guess what really makes me mad is that the other girl was talking bad about my daughter AGAIN yesterday even after the contracts were signed. My daughter went to the principle and he did NOTHING. I guess a parent needs to call and complain to get anywhere in this school district. I have a meeting with the principle at noon today so we will see how it all goes.

I don't have a problem with my daughter signing the contract, she knows what it says and what is expected of her. I do have a problem with the school making my daughter out to be a bully and then going back and letting this "victim" do the exact same thing but my daughter is supposed to just take it.

Just venting here guys/gals. Thanks for all the input!

[ET109]

My daughter is 13... decided to sign the contract with the principle and she made that choice so now she will have to deal with those actions and follow the contract going forward.

Last time I checked a minor can't enter into a contract

I have a problem with schools getting involved in out-of-school conduct. I guess it might be happening because parents are disengaged, but I still am disturbed by the way a kid can't have any aspect of their life unregulated by officials. I'm also not a big proponent of worshiping on the alter of anti-bully. There were some damn good generations that didn't have this hysteria. I suspect my views are in the minority, though...

[explcdt8]

The schools "justification" is that it could spill over into the school building. Personally I find it is BS. That is like saying you as an LEO can make an arrest or investigate a crime 20 miles outside of your jurisdiction because it "could" become a problem in your town/county/state.

Plus, I think any officer should be wary of school officials doing any kind of investigating, especially in this economy. Places are laying off officers, yet letting untrained principals and "anti-bullying specialists" conduct investigations into essentially juvenile crime.

Just my opininons.

[Joeyd6]

No.....you daughter did nothing wrong IMHO.

This country is raisng a bunch of wimpy pansies who can't even take somebody saying anything about them or others they don't approve of.

I wold not let my kid sign any contract. I would take my kid to the police station and file a report of sexual assault. I would advise the principal of the failure to report and head over to the next school board meeting. They want to make something over nothing....you have every right to make a mountain out of something legitimate.

[icu650]

Ditto.....

[Aussie George]

... you have to be 13 years of age to have a Facebook. ...

My dog has a profile on Facebook...he's not 13.

The rules of FB are not Policed, and not enforced.

FB is a cop's worse nightmare. NOT DIRECTED AT THE OP's PROBLEM ...Just a rant against FB.

I remember when FB was for grown ups and kids stayed on Myspace.

Not a day goes by when I don't get some parent come in and tell me their kid was bullied on FB. And 99% of the time when I look at the print outs of the "conversation" no doubt one of the parents have got involved in the mud slinging. Reallly? Grow up!!

When I was at school, kids called each other names and that was it. Parents stayed out of it and it was sorted out and everyone moved on.

If you choose to let the school yard crap come into your house via the internet, then live with it. There is always the option to block people and the massive radical step of deactivating your account and finding a life.

[Andrew G.]

If you choose to let the school yard crap come into your house via the internet, then live with it. There is always the option to block people and the massive radical step of deactivating your account and finding a life.

Aussie Georgepot is on! The incident involving your daughter is very unfortunate, but at the same time the internet becomes a nuisance to EVERYONE at times. You can block/ignore/whatever people who annoy you via internet. What happens when she gets into the REAL world & there is no school system to "protect" her?

The mom of the other girl has it out for my daughter. This is the second time she has called the school on my daughter for stupid crap. The first time was because my daughter called the other girl a freak, thats right a freak. She called her that because the other girl forced my daughter to rub her vagina, and then kissed my daughter by grabbing her head. When my wife and I confronted the other girls mother with this incident, she said that her daughter wouldn't do anything like that to another girl. She is one of those parents that think her kid does no wrong.

I would be pursuing this. Forced sexual contact is a serious, serious matter, unlike jabs made on the internet.


Both of my sisters (even I) have had a bad experience in HS. High School students for the most part, are disgusting, vile, highly immature creatures & the schools (parents included) stand behind them in an effort to just make the problem simply disappear.