UK: Traffic Cops' Top Quips

[Oldbillplod]

Traffic cops’ favourite quip when pulling over a speeding driver is: “Who do you think you are – Lewis Hamilton?”

The joke, an update of one used since the 1950s about race legend Stirling Moss, tops a survey of officers’ favourite opening lines.

Women have been greeted with: “Good evening, Mrs Schumacher”. And boy racers have been told: “Congratulations sir – you’ve just achieved pole position,” or “Did you accidentally fill your petrol tank with nitrous oxide?”

The first Metropolitan Police poll of its kind found other questions asked included: “ How's the audition for Death Race 2000 going?” “ Testing this vehicle for NASA, are we?” “ IS this your vehicle? You’re driving like you stole it” and “ Are you on your way to a funeral? Because it’ll be yours if you keep driving like that.”

A woman speeder was asked: “Is the baby due any moment?”

Drivers pulled over for tail-gating have been asked: “Can I assume you have Hollywood stunt brakes fitted to your car?”

And others caught in a bus lane have faced the put-down: “How much is it for a single to Piccadilly Circus?”

The survey was to publicise the Met traffic division attending MPH motor show at Earls Court starting on October 30.

Insp Mick Dunn said: “Drivers are on edge when they’ve been pulled over, so an opening gambit helps break the ice.

“Some people forget police must uphold the law and ensure the safety of others. Above all, our traffic officers are good guys trying to do a tough job.”

An officer about to tick off a man for dodgy driving ending up delivering his wife’s baby.

The man was dashing his wife to hospital when he “cut up” PC Dan Wells in Fulham, South-West London. As the officer prepared to warn him, he noticed the baby arriving in the car and helped deliver the 6lb girl.

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You know it's kind of funny. Of all the differences in policing style; pulling off a quip 'over here' like those I would have gotten in trouble. lol