Dear motorist:

[Badgerboy]

Dear motorist:

I am sorry you were more concerned with the call to your friend at work than with driving. I am sorry you plowed into the minivan in front of you and spilled your mocha. When you call, Please refrain from telling the dispatcher "I am hurt and trapped in my car" because you spilled your hot coffee on your knees, panicked and can't get your seat belt off or reach the door lock because you are a bit robust in stature. It doesn't help to hang up after yelling that into the phone.

Please feel free to restart your car and move it out of the roadway. I can look at your crumpled bumper no matter where your vehicle is parked. Blocking two of three lanes in commuter traffic slows my getting there. I am not inclined to put out evidence tents, declare the area a crime scene, take aerial shots, reconstruct your headlight debris, do a crush depth analysis on your "I Love my Siamese" license plate frame, put paint chips in plastic bags with tweezers, call CSI, or outline your vehicle in chalk. I will humor you and push the roll-a-tape around later where the panic-brake- locked-wheel-skid mark ends. Please feel free to wait for me in the giant empty parking lot 15 feet from where you are wandering around in traffic still talking to your friend on the phone.

Sincerely,

Your responding officer.



Dear passing motorist,

I know how cool the pics of this fender-bender will look on your myspace, but please refrain from stopping in the only available lane to snap a pic of my *** on your cellphone. I know how polyester pants and broken plastic scream "Look what I saw on the way to school bro, I was there" but please feel free to pull over and take all the pics you want. When you rear end the photog ahead of you and bring traffic to a standstill, I will be happy to pose for a pic when I tow your Prius.

Also, as much as I would love to stand in the road and tell you what happened, if everyone was alright, who won the football game yesterday, or anything else you thought needed my immediate attention while you blocked traffic to ask me... Please move along so I don't have another accident to write right after yours.

Sincerely,

The guy scowling and waving his arms at you in the picture..




Dear new officer,

Thank you for responding to my collision. When you get there, please feel free to let me know: 1. you are there and 2. it is a fender bender so I can reduce code and avoid causing another 3 accidents. My siren in the distance should be an indicator. It is also polite to let the 24,000 lb fire engine rolling code down the berm know.

I also appreciate the flare pattern even though it's sunny out and traffic is stopped. I know you have been waiting to set a flare pattern since you got out of the academy, but putting them 12 inches apart in a 50 foot line is not helping me. It actually makes me look kind of dumb when I see the smoke halfway across town and tell fire over the radio there is a possible involved vehicle. You are not trying to land a Blackhawk or screen a tank battalion. This is not a KISS concert. The motorists bailing into the parking lot (where the cars should have been moved to,) choking and gagging, should be a clue. Use cones. Cones good.

When I get there, I will be a little upset so don't take it personal. I would have been a little more pleasant had you at least taken the license info for me instead of re-creating the battle scene from the Terminator while the large lady wanders through traffic like an unmoored tugboat with no crew. I will take the paper. Feel free to stick around and hit on the cute ambulance driver before heading to Starbucks, though. I'll put out your flares.

Love,

The guy that is going to cut the lock off of your locker and fill it with used cat litter.



Dear fire department,

Since you are here, please help me put out these !@#$%^&*( flares.

Love,

The angry choking cop.

[Sierra]

Rofl

[Darin]

LMAO


That's a damn good and no doubt true story!


BTW does your FD completely block all lanes of traffic even after being told it's a fender bender?

[Plazoo]

Excellent! If I didn't know any better, I'd think you plunked those thoughts right outta my own head...either that or my tin foil hat has a rip in it again and Big Brother's mind reading ray is getting through again.

[JakeLock]

BTW does your FD completely block all lanes of traffic even after being told it's a fender bender?

The FD here tells us blocking lanes is our job, their $500,000 rigs are just to damn pricy to be used as traffic control! :D

[Creeker]

ROFL...

Safe Anger Management technique, right there!!

Now you won't have to tell your Sgt. where he can stick it... :p

[magicman]

Excellent! If I didn't know any better, I'd think you plunked those thoughts right outta my own head...either that or my tin foil hat has a rip in it again and Big Brother's mind reading ray is getting through again.

+1....... that is exactly what I was thinking :D

[MDEMT280]

BTW does your FD completely block all lanes of traffic even after being told it's a fender bender?

We're just bad at parking, that's all. :D

But seriously, wanna know why we block lanes?

[Aussie George]

We're just bad at parking, that's all. :D

But seriously, wanna know why we block lanes?

Damn I bet that guy in the big rig was cleaning his undies for a while after that!!!

[mxwelch]

You are not trying to land a Blackhawk or screen a tank battalion.

BWHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!:D

[Badgerboy]

BTW does your FD completely block all lanes of traffic even after being told it's a fender bender?

No. They usually only block where they need to work or run lines.

[Dan208]

Damn I bet that guy in the big rig was cleaning his undies for a while after that!!!

You beat me to it. That was the coolest thing I've seen in a long time.

[Big Sexy]

You sir are a poet.

[cntryboy0531]

What I always find odd about traffic crashes...

There is more organization, less emotions, fewer brainless numbskulls, and less angry people at a drive by shooting... Than at a traffic crash. It's somewhat amusing to watch a new guy in training, or right out of training, working their first few traffic crashes. Running around frantically, not knowing where to start, stopping all traffic even though everyone is on the side of the road. Pure hillarity.

[phantasm]

What I've learned is get all info from everyone, especially those injured, and especially those that might go out of the picture.