The New America

[worknk9s]

My Fellow Americans:

As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.
Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain , Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany , and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York

A special note to our neighbor.
Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.
We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism.. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet.

It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America . It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America.

To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget. To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.

God bless America. Thank you and good night. If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.

(I wish this was an actual speech!)

[Cris1102]

Lol...Where did you get that?

[worknk9s]

Lol...Where did you get that?

From the press secretary. :p

Nah, someone emailed it to me. :D

[acreature]

I remember that from the first Gulf War

[ObMax1212]

It would be nice, but it won't happen. We should stop the foreign aid whether they helped or not.

[ChesCopPodz]

I don't know if I agree with that. Strong allies are always a good thing to have.

[future5.0]

I don't know if I agree with that. Strong allies are always a good thing to have.

HOOAH!

[Movementarian]

Wow. That has to be one of the most uninspiring things I have ever read. There are many things in there that I disagree with, but I am just going to deal with one.

American Isolationism - World War I
American Isolationism - World War II

See the theme there?

It is all well and good to say that we should take ourselves off of the world stage and focus on our internal problems, but it would come at another devastating cost. I am not saying that if we chose to be isolationist there would be another World War, because as we all know that danger was there for a large part of the post-war era. I am saying that if we take ourselves out of the loop, we can only deal with the consequences. If we remain plugged in, we have a say in the actions.

[Welpe]

No more World Cup Soccer in America? :(

[chiefhuntr]

Wow. That has to be one of the most uninspiring things I have ever read. There are many things in there that I disagree with, but I am just going to deal with one.

American Isolationism - World War I
American Isolationism - World War II

See the theme there?

It is all well and good to say that we should take ourselves off of the world stage and focus on our internal problems, but it would come at another devastating cost. I am not saying that if we chose to be isolationist there would be another World War, because as we all know that danger was there for a large part of the post-war era. I am saying that if we take ourselves out of the loop, we can only deal with the consequences. If we remain plugged in, we have a say in the actions.

We better do it sooner rather then later. We need to worry about us and let the rest of the world think about themselves. If we take away the funding, they will have to take some time to think about how they will get by.

The heck with mexco. Oil in alaska, I say go for it.

[jamez]

No more World Cup Soccer in America? :(

Is it really worth the sacrifice? Just had to ask, if this were a real speech.

[1depd]

Wow. That has to be one of the most uninspiring things I have ever read. There are many things in there that I disagree with, but I am just going to deal with one.

American Isolationism - World War I
American Isolationism - World War II

See the theme there?

It is all well and good to say that we should take ourselves off of the world stage and focus on our internal problems, but it would come at another devastating cost. I am not saying that if we chose to be isolationist there would be another World War, because as we all know that danger was there for a large part of the post-war era. I am saying that if we take ourselves out of the loop, we can only deal with the consequences. If we remain plugged in, we have a say in the actions.

Dude, it's a joke. Lighten up a little.

[mxwelch]

Wow. That has to be one of the most uninspiring things I have ever read. There are many things in there that I disagree with, but I am just going to deal with one.

American Isolationism - World War I
American Isolationism - World War II

See the theme there?

It is all well and good to say that we should take ourselves off of the world stage and focus on our internal problems, but it would come at another devastating cost. I am not saying that if we chose to be isolationist there would be another World War, because as we all know that danger was there for a large part of the post-war era. I am saying that if we take ourselves out of the loop, we can only deal with the consequences. If we remain plugged in, we have a say in the actions.

First of all take Spain off of list #1. They caved in at the first sign of trouble from the throatcutters.

Secondly I understand the above logic and it made sense for the time period. Hitler, Hirohito, and Mussolini were coming to America if they had been left unchecked in Europe and Asia. I don't believe that's the case now. Another big sticking point is that the countries during WWII actually wanted our help and were true allies. Other than England, Australia and a few others who can we say that about now?

[Penguin]

It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America . It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America.

LOL- HOLY CRAP! That's funny. I only wish that would actually happen. And soon.

[Welpe]

Is it really worth the sacrifice? Just had to ask, if this were a real speech.

Sacrifice what? Do we really want to come to the point where we aren't even playing sports against other countries? Might as well pull us out of the Olympics while we're at it.

A completley isolationist America has never suited us well and especially in this day and age, the world is far too small to ignore the rest of it. Many countries on the "second list" are big political players in the world stage and considering the number of goods our country imports and our dependence on imported resources...well I think the conclusions can draw themselves.

Now I'm NOT saying we should always bow to world opinion! We need to stand up for ourselves, especially when it comes to matters of our national security. I just think it is not feasible to exist in our own bubble.

Edit: Besides my reply was in regards to an e-mail over a ficticious event that we'll never see happen anyways.