Bad days at work and family/friends.

[imalazypup]

I've seen a lot of disturbing things since being hired at my FD. Despite the nature of these "bad" calls that i've been on, I haven't lost any sleep over them. What I have noticed is that my attitude has changed with my friends and family.

I don't feel like I could talk to them about the calls i've been to nor do I want to , and I'll become aggitated with them if they press the issue.

I can talk with my coworkers about the calls we run with no problem though.

Has anyone here experienced anything like this? Particularly early on in whatever service they were/are in?

(crap, i meant to put this in GT II)

[AnthonyM83]

I was merely an explorer, but the same thing happened to me. Except I didn't have coworkers to talk about it with...

I'd like to know more about how that works psychologically, though. All the articles I've read only mention the basics of it, not deeper theory.

[Wombat311]

Don't be too hard on them. They are interested in what you do. Emergency services work is fascinating to people. A lot of people can't understand why we do what we do. Have a bit of patience for them and try not to snap at them.
It can be difficult to talk to people outside of the line of work about things because, quite frankly, they don't understand.
I'm selective in what I tell friends/family, becuase it's easier to say it was a quiet day at work than to try and explain the triple fatal accident. It's easier to talk to your coleagues about it, because they were either there or have been to those jobs before.

Don't let the job consume you and alienate you from your friends. Tell them the good stuff, the funny stories (although a few of those are 'in' jokes too) but otherwise, my adivce, you had a quiet day.
It's much easier than having to constantly answer 'how do you do it...' or 'did it freak you out?' 'were you scared?' and other crap like that.

[MORA Ranger]

I hate even telling people what I do sometimes because I can't stand getting the "You ever shoot someone?" question. I like being a "park ranger" and I don't often mention that I'm an LE ranger. Let them assume I'm the ranger giving the program around the campfire or taking people on walks to talk about the flowers.

As for talking about bad calls, I haven't had one that bothered me in several years and since most of my friends are in a similar field, it's no big deal.

I don't talk to my family about what I do. No sense getting my mom all worried about me by telling her about when I've drawn my gun, gotten in fights, or snuck around in the woods going after the dope growers and poachers. We'll just keep that a secret. For all she knows all I do is ride horses, hike, and write a few tickets now and then.

[Oldbillplod]

Personally for me it's easier to talk with colleagues because they are on the same wavelength as you and you don't feel as if you have to be careful as to what you tell them.
With friends and family they don't fully understand and never will what it's like in your chosen career and quite often ask daft questions that often do irritate even if asked in good faith.

[Nuklhed]

I have had that problem you are talking about. Wombat said it perfectly.. I had a quiet day. Even though you had a foot pursuit, a fight, etc. It is just easier.

[chewy]

I agree as well, a lot of people (family and friends) dont always understand the stress these things can put on you so they ask stupid questions or when your all stressed out and tell them they don't always understand why. Remember also that you have to get these things off your chest. Bad calls, shootings, chases, all these stress situations are accumulative and just pile ontop of each other, if you have too many situations that bother you and you don't "vent" or get somekind of release of them they will keep building and can be very unhealthy. I had this happen to me and I eventually went to a therapist just to have someone to talk with about it all and get an objective point of view. Most agencies have somekind of assistance program for this type of thing.

[Stump]

They ask you stuff and think that you talking about will not effect your emotions. For them it is kind of like reading it in the newspaper, and they don't realize that a situation has directly touched you.

Yes, it will happen that you get irritated, but as time goes on, you will learn how to balance the two, and know what you can and can't say.

[sgtbear111]

Peer Suppport or having a trusted friend can make a difference. If your spouse is that trusted friend, you both are fortunate.

[imalazypup]

Hey wow thanks for the responses! It's really good to know that there isn't just something wrong with me and that this is a normal experience

[Babysmamadrama]

Hey wow thanks for the responses! It's really good to know that there isn't just something wrong with me and that this is a normal experience

Nah, you are still crazy. Just a good crazy like the rest of us. You got to be screwy to eat smoke for a living. Or drive fast to the sound of gunfire. :D

[sbrad]

I used to tell my wife everything I did.
Now I just answer, "good" or "boring" or "tiring" whenever she asks about how my night went. Occasionally I'll tell her about something, but not very often. It's really hard to communicate how you were feeling when something went down to someone who hasn't been there.
Besides, since starting this job I find it hard to describe a call I was on without lacing it with vulgarities. It's amazing how you learn to use the f-bomb three times in a five word sentence.