what are my options?

[WONDERLANDSMILE]

my husband and I moved into his parents basement about 2 years ago to assist my father-in-law with his health issues. We pay a monthly rent to help with utilities and what not. About a year after we moved in, my husband's oldest child moved in. His room is located on the main floor between my mother and father-in-law's rooms, while my husband and i rent the basement.

My stepson is 19. We recently found out that he is using marijuana, cocaine, and herone. Ok the marijuanna we have know about for some time. We are contatly telling him it is not ok for him to do that at the house and he needs to quit or take it someplace else.

Things are getting worse and, as his parents, we have told him to move out if he is going to continue using drugs. This is where we run into an issue. Since the house is technically my in-law's house, we are told everytime that we cannot evict anyone out of the house. My father-in-law is always stepping in and taking my stepson's side by believing the lies he has been feeding them.
Just in the past 3 weeks, my stepson has taken their car for 24 hours or longer two times, told them a cartel gang member is going to come to the house and shoot everyone if he didn't get $300 - which they not only gave him, but they took him to the meeting to pay off his drug debt, stolen money and belongings of others, and was caught rith a "foil" that he had been using to smoke heroine from.

What can I do? We can't move and leave my 80 yo in-laws to fend for themselves, as we do the maintenance and upkeep of the house and yard, and assist my father-in-law with transportation to doctors and hospital visits. When we say we are going to call the police, they take the phones and get mad that we would turn their grandson in for anything. Then the fighting starts and my husband is afraid the stress will kill his father.

Any advice on how to handle this would be great. We have 2 other minor kids that visit contantly and we need to think of their safety as well.

[retdetsgt]

I'm afraid there's no magic answer. It's your father in law's house and as you said, he had control. If he refuses to evict him, I'd tell the father in law that it's either the stepson or your family. And yes, you can leave them to fend for themselves. If they can't live in the house w/o you, they can look at selling it and moving into assisted living. People do that all the time, I may be doing that in 10 years or so. Your husband needs to stand up to him and tell him that. The old man shouldn't have that much control over your lives.

If it were me, I'd tell my spouse that the other children are more important than the old people and the stepson and you have a responsibility to them. And I sure as hell would live where gang bangers are coming around to collect money. There's a point where you have to take a stand and I think you've more than reached that.

BTW, there is no police answer, all those options have been ruled out by the old man.

Sorry.

[Ispbear]

You have a sit down with them without your stepson present and tell them either he goes beacause he is a no good drug addict or you guys move out and they can try to take care of themselves. Of course the boy will bleed them dry by stealing from them but if they want to enable him they can deal with the results. If they refuse to kick him out, Leave!

[WONDERLANDSMILE]

We have had a couple of "sit-downs" with the in-laws. Honestly, it is like talking to a couple od kids. They nod their heads and agree with all we say. They promise to buckle down and let us handle our child and to now give in to the BS that our child is doing. Then 15 minutes later they are letting him take the car to go pick up, giving him cigarette money and gas money, and ignoring what was just said. When we confront them they yell at us and say we just don't our son and we are being unfair by restricting him so much. It is a yo-yo. I feel we are stuck. My father-in-law is very frail and sick and needs to go to doctor appointments almost daily. My mother-in-law works part-time to supplement income and to keep her busy. Our son will not be responcible enought to make sure appointments are kept, medications are bought, meals are fixed, etc. So it is find a way around it, live with it, or abandon an 80 year old couple to the mercy of a 19 year old drug addicted manipulator....tough choice.

[WONDERLANDSMILE]

Do you think if I spoke to a local police officer and explained the situation - in person, because I have tried the annonomous tip line and disbatch - they could put him under sevailence or something? You would think they could and would want to because he could lead them to dealers for all kinds of drugs from pot to heroin. I really feel that our son will not "man-up" until he is placed into a real situation of facing jail time. The thinks he is invincible. And, if I do speak to an oficer, it would have to be without my husbands knowledge and it could come back to destroy my marriage. But, I am getting desperate. Our son's actions are destroying an entire family and I seem to be the only one that feels that you need to "cut off the hand to save the body".

What can I do to help the police. I found a chewed up and burned pen shell and foil with charred lines on it out on the back porch of our house. I gathered it all up and handed it to my father-in-law saying "this is your grandsons". He asked our son what it was and he told them that a friend ame over last night about 1:30 in the morning and it weas his. They believed him and said don't let it happen again. Can they be going crazy in their old age? Or are they really just that ignorant?

[retdetsgt]

If you cooperate with the police to get him arrested, it will come out in court. Count on it.

And some people, young and old refuse to face reality when it comes to relatives.

The police just can't solve complicated family matters like this.