Troubled 16 year old and running out of resources... Help?

[KJMS08]

Hi everyone,

I'm desperate to find a program for my 16 year old son. He's started smoking marijuana, doesn't go to school, is physically and mentally abusing family members etc... His father is a medical marijuana card holder, and I can guarantee that is where he is getting it. When trying to lay down the rules, he says he will just go live with his father. His father has a history of getting his other children involved with marijuana at the same age, and unfortunately none of those kids have finished highschool, and have extensive criminal records now. His father didn't make it past the 8th grade. I don't want that for my son.

The police have been here so much involving my son, that a police officer knows us all too well. My son has been placed in Providence's pediatric psychiatric facility 3 different times for physical abuse behavior. He's also been placed in Albertina Kerr center, but those were more like summer camp for him. He was able to play video games etc...

He has punched holes in the walls (been replaced 3 times), kicked in doors, stabbed his older brother with a pencil (which he was placed into the Providence Pediatric Psychiatric facility for), pushed and hit me, kicked his older sister badly in the stomach etc... None of which the police will arrest him for. My son is 6 feet 2 inches and 260lbs, and if he chooses to be physically abusive, there's no way to stop him.

We've tried counseling, but after a few sessions he refuses to go. We've looked into non-voluntary treatment programs: Northwest Behavioral, but they will only keep him for 45 days and I fear that would make him more mad and he would go live with his father. Teen-challenge, but they will need $2,400 a month for 14 month program... And I really can't afford it.

If I need to get him involved with the juvenile court system, I will. In hopes that it opens his eyes and gives him the opportunity to change before he's 18 and criminal charges stay on his record. However, the police have yet to do this after the several times of being over here.

I'm at my wits end, there are no programs out here that are: non-voluntary, for teens with no criminal record, that hold them for a few months, that aren't expensive.

If anyone knows of such a program, I'm all ears. Is there a "Scared Straight" type program here? Anything???

I am a Clackamas county resident in Oregon, I have Blue cross insurance.

Thank you for any help or information you can provide.

-M

[retdetsgt]

At this point and at his age, there isn't much you can do. He's lost respect for you and the rest of the family and there is nothing you can do about it at this point. There is no magic way to change him at 16. I'm a retired Oregon police officer and there is no program that will work. If Providence didn't help, nothing will.

If it were me, I would let him move in with his father. You need to protect the rest of your family.

[Oregon Officer]

Is a wilderness intervention program like Catherine Freer a possibility? We used that program for one of our teens and PacificSource covered quite a bit of it. Virtually no kid wants to do that kind of program, but most leave it with a much better attitude and a better chance for success. Good luck - sounds like a really horrible situation, especially with a parent who is sabotaging things.

[MikeyD]

Is a wilderness intervention program like Catherine Freer a possibility? We used that program for one of our teens and PacificSource covered quite a bit of it. Virtually no kid wants to do that kind of program, but most leave it with a much better attitude and a better chance for success. Good luck - sounds like a really horrible situation, especially with a parent who is sabotaging things.

Is this a bootcamp type of program? Maybe something like that would be worth it? I would try to pinch pennies to send him if you are serious about saving your son. I don't have kids yet, but I can imagine it's painful to watch your child go down that path. Wishing you good luck and much needed support.

[whatevers]

Ask him why he would hit a wall, when a wall can't hit back. Explain that being competitive is more fair. Of course, it only makes sense to be physical back with people who are physical with you to begin with. If he's bigger, stronger, etc you've got to be more strategic then...

What goes around, doesn't always come around but its a good principle to be instilled...