what advice would you give?

[SANE-A30]

If you found out that your spouse started taking antidepressant medications ( zoloft & xanax together) behind your back a month ago ? would you be upset? and how would you deal with the situation?

[Reconciler]

I'm not married, but for what its worth....here's my thoughts:

I would start out by finding out why he started taking them. Find out the specific root causes, not just a general I feel sad. Once you know the bottom line reasons for taking the meds then work through alternative solutions. The medication may still be necessary, but hopefully working through the problem(s) will at least alleviate some of the dependence on the pills. Make sure to find out if he has a plan for getting off the medication. Is he relying on the pills to fix everything? Is he taking them for a certain situation and once its over he will stop? Or is he taking them simply because times are really hard and he needs a boast to keep him going for now. Is it a high dosage amount or fairly low? I would work with him on a time table to get off the drugs. The longer he is on them the more dependent he will become.

Yes, I would be upset. I wouldn't expect my spouse to tell me everything, but taking antidepressant meds is a big deal. Its not like he forgot to mention that he bought an extra jar of peanut butter because it was on sale. The big thing is communication....especially for a depressed person. Let him know he is not alone. It appears you may have to be the "rock" for a while. I would not turn this around and start blaming myself. Help where you can, but ultimately it is his choice. He has to have the will power to rise above this.

[canuckofapeach]

If there are personal issues at home or at work, perhaps some face-to-face counseling would be just the ticket. It's just a suggestion, of course, but it has become obvious that there are stressors in your life that might not be remedied here.

Over the months you have told us so much about your personal life, your family, your extended family and your everyday activities that it has become disconcerting and embarrassing to be privy to such info. My spouse would be mortified and I think my employer might be worried.

Please seek the marital counseling that you and your husband are in dire need of and I pray that you will find the solace, peace and validation that you desire.