looking for honest feedback....

[SANE-A30]

Ok my husband's job sucks really bad that I will agree with, so he wants to quit he has not discussed it with me but has been looking for other jobs....and telling everyone in his family he is quitting ( which would mean that we would have to relocate). my thing is who really wants to work my job sucks too sometimes but I do it. I guess what really irritates me is it could be ALOT worse if the tables was turned, BE THANKFUL you have a job.... my dad has been out of work for almost two years now he just got a job making 12$ an hour they barely have enough to live on, hence one of the reasons why I'm not crazy about moving..if it should come to that..I try to help them as much as I can ....plus school....just really torn on the whole idea and a little irritated..... what would you do?

[Cat_Doc]

I would never quit a job until I was sure I had another one. If your husband justs wants to quit, move and look for another job he is being irresponsible to the family which is his obligation to care for.

[SANE-A30]

I would never quit a job until I was sure I had another one. If your husband justs wants to quit, move and look for another job he is being irresponsible to the family which is his obligation to care for.

he could get another job easy and he would NEVER quit without another one the issue is the moving and not discussing it... well and I guess the quitting too..... not to mention you've told everyone EXCEPT the person that it will affect the most...... I guess I'm having a hard time with it b/c seeing my parents struggle the last two years.....if that makes sense...his job pays for almost all of our finances. he is a lead water plant operator.

this will be the third time we have moved in 7 years if we move.

[SHH 1313]

I would never quit a job until I was sure I had another one. If your husband justs wants to quit, move and look for another job he is being irresponsible to the family which is his obligation to care for.

Exactly and double ditto! That is a no brainer.

[Cat_Doc]

You really should be discussing this with your husband, not us. (Honest feedback)

[SANE-A30]

You really should be discussing this with your husband, not us. (Honest feedback)

True, just wanted to see if I was being logical before I cause a unnessary argument.. thanks.

[Cat_Doc]

Of course you are being logical. Quitting a job, moving and starting a new job is about as stressful as a death of a loved one or a divorce. He should be discussing this with you at every turn to make sure you both are on the same page and united in mission.

[Joeyd6]

Men have to take care of their family.

I wanted to be NYPD when I was growing up. I did it and I LOVED every day at the NYPD. I never complained. I worked two extra side jobs and was never hom. I workerd seven days a week. I NEVER complained and loved it.

My wife on the other hand, did not! She wanted me home a little more and was driving 50 miles each way to work due to NYPD residency requirements and working OT every other weekend to supplement my pay.

What did I do? I found a job that would let me be home a little more, doubled my pay and would allow us to move closer to where my wife works. Did I want to? HECK NO! I still miss it to this day. She never asked me to do it and never pushed me away from the NYPD. Her support no matter what helped guide me.

I am a firm believer of the concept "us" is more important than "me" for making a marriage work. Are there times it will be "me," you bet, but never with anything that involves putting a roof over our heads, paying our bills and feeding everyone. Sit him down...set him straight and let him know you appreciate the sacrafice and right now with the way things are, it is not the time. Then come up with a plan to make it work in the future or promise to make it up to him.

If he doesn't see the light, bribe or deprive him of the one thing women have men want....that always works in my house!

[MikeG]

he could get another job easy and he would NEVER quit without another one the issue is the moving and not discussing it... well and I guess the quitting too..... not to mention you've told everyone EXCEPT the person that it will affect the most...... I guess I'm having a hard time with it b/c seeing my parents struggle the last two years.....if that makes sense...his job pays for almost all of our finances. he is a lead water plant operator.

this will be the third time we have moved in 7 years if we move.

You should hold it all in until it creates an unbearable wall of mistrust and anger. Then have it all explode in a fit of rage and non-sequitir rants. It's even better if this is what's upsetting you but you pretend it's babysitting the rambunctious nephew and go ballistic over trivial things.

Or you can talk to him. Maybe he just doesn't want you to worry about moving 3 times in 7 years if it doesn't happen. Maybe he doesn't want to argue about moving (step 4) when he isn't even sure about getting a new job (step 1).

But it's pretty clear that lead water plant operators are on the way out. He should be looking for unleaded water plants. Lead causes brane damajes.

[txinvestigator1]

what would you do?

I would talk to my spouse and not a bunch of strangers on the internet.

[SANE-A30]

You should hold it all in until it creates an unbearable wall of mistrust and anger. Then have it all explode in a fit of rage and non-sequitir rants. It's even better if this is what's upsetting you but you pretend it's babysitting the rambunctious nephew and go ballistic over trivial things

Or you can talk to him. Maybe he just doesn't want you to worry about moving 3 times in 7 years if it doesn't happen. Maybe he doesn't want to argue about moving (step 4) when he isn't even sure about getting a new job (step 1).

But it's pretty clear that lead water plant operators are on the way out. He should be looking for unleaded water plants. Lead causes brane damajes.

maybe so... it's not LEAD like the element, it's LEAD like leader top dog the boss etc...

I would talk to my spouse and not a bunch of strangers on the internet.

100% agreed however sometimes a strangers input can make you realize if YOU are right or wrong....thanks for the honest feedback

[S-99]

Men have to take care of their family.

I wanted to be NYPD when I was growing up. I did it and I LOVED every day at the NYPD. I never complained. I worked two extra side jobs and was never hom. I workerd seven days a week. I NEVER complained and loved it.

My wife on the other hand, did not! She wanted me home a little more and was driving 50 miles each way to work due to residency requirements and working OT every other weekend to supplement my pay.

What did I do? I found a job that would let me be home a little more, doubled my pay and would allow us to move closer to where my wife works. Did I want to? HECK NO! I still miss it to this day. She never asked me to do it and never pushed me away from the NYPD. Her support no matter helped guide me.

I am a firm believer the concept "us" is more important than "me" for making a marriage work. Are there times it will be "me," you bet, but never with anything that involves putting a roof over our heads, paying our bills and feeding everyone. Sit him down...set him straight and let him know you appreciate the sacrafice and right now with the way things are, it is not the time. Then come up with a plan to make it work in the future or promise to make it up to him.

If he doesn't see the light, bribe or deprive him of the one thing women have men want....that always works in my house!

^^ Wow, you sound like a great husband. If you had done that and resented her for it, it would not have helped your marriage though.... you are very generous.

maybe so... it's not LEAD like the element, it's LEAD like leader top dog the boss etc...

100% agreed however sometimes a strangers input can make you realize if YOU are right or wrong....thanks for the honest feedback

SANE, honest feedback: I think you need to be directly honest with him. If (in the name of getting honest feedback from strangers), your husband aired his complaints about you on a public Internet site (without first trying to resolve them with you), how would you feel about that honey?

[SANE-A30]

^^ Wow, you sound like a great husband. If you had done that and resented her for it, it would not have helped your marriage though.... you are very generous.



SANE, honest feedback: I think you need to be directly honest with him. If (in the name of getting honest feedback from strangers), your husband aired his complaints about you on a public Internet site (without first trying to resolve them with you), how would you feel about that honey?

I have tried to talk to him kind of... I told him if he wanted to switch jobs to try to get a job locally and basically he said it's his decision, and "I" did'nt have to move so he pretty much gave me a ultimatum without a discussion... trying to see if I am being unreasonable before I move to option B... I do get what you guys are saying about this but I needed UNBIASED input... there is a lot I'm leaving out... just wanted to see if the sake of the argument was logical..or if I was being unreasonable. hope that makes sense??....

[Joeyd6]

^^ Wow, you sound like a great husband. If you had done that and resented her for it, it would not have helped your marriage though.... you are very generous.

Thanks for the kind words but I am not really that great. Between my NY attitude and cnyical cop humor, most call me words thatcan't be posted here. I look at lifes big picture. I set a goal/dream and achieved it. Would I have liked to experience it longer than I did? Sure. Would I like and endless supply of Reese Peanut Butter Cups? Yep....but I know a point will come where I will want no more and end up sick. I figure better to leave wanting a little more than hating it for some other reason. It was a great time. But on the other hand, I now make double, work M-F with holidays off, have a take home car and do some pretty cool stuff I otherwise would have missed out on. Generous? Na....just a man who reasoned things out , and made sure "us" was better than "me."

My dad told me the day I got married....."A happy wife equals a happy life." He is right!

[SANE-A30]

I do appreciate all of the honest responses and your time and I will heed to the advice, honesty is the best policy...even if it sucks sometimes...thanks.