Husband headed off to academy...

[bleedsblue]

My husband is preparing to head off to the academy. I'm no stranger to the effects police work has on the family. My father was an officer, and many people who played a huge role in my life growing up were officers. I spent much of my high school years volunteering at the precincts, and for the longest time was preparing myself to be a cop. Strangely enough, my husband is the reason why I haven't gone into the field myself.

My husband will enter the academy about three weeks after our second child is born. He will be living there monday through friday, and I fully expect that when he comes home he will have studies to focus on. I guess what I am looking for is some advice/support on raising our two sons essentially by myself for 26 weeks and trying to be a supportive and helpful wife to my husband. I've seen too many marriages fall apart, with the blame often on the type of work and emotional strains police work entails, and I don't want to see the same for our little family. When my parents got married, my dad had been an officer for a few years, but I know it wasn't always easy for them still while we were little. Does anyone have any advice on how to both find a way to help schedule some family time while he is home on weekends and be supportive of his duties, but how also to survive a single parent type lifestyle while he is in the academy?

[Ispbear]

The academy that I went through was Monday through Friday where we stayed at the base. On weekends we didn't have studies, it was our free time. Hopefully this will be the same for your husband so you can spend some family time together. Just remember, it will be just as hard if not harder on him that it will be on you. Not only will he be missing his family and even some guilt for not being there for you but he will be enduring the stress of the academy on top of it. I suggest that when he's home, don't tell him how bad or hard of week you've had. Let him know your doing fine and then give him encouragement and support. If you need to vent about the stress of being a temporary single mom, do it to your parents or friends. I've seen several good recruits leave an academy and their dream because of the guilt. Utilize family and friends when you need a break or even time to catch up on sleep.

[Samuel]

Did you talk to your mom yet?

[retdetsgt]

On weekends we didn't have studies, it was our free time. Hopefully this will be the same for your husband so you can spend some family time together.

That was my experience, I didn't find the academy all that academically challenging. My weekends were my own. What studying I had did, I did in the evening and that was for the college classes they gave us on abnormal psychology, writing and some sociology class (I don't remember the name of it). The shift work and OT later was harder on my family than the academy.

One thing that's not talked about much is the fact a lot of people become more self confident and assertive after they've been a cop for a while and that creates problems in relationships. I noticed it more when women who are already married when they become police officers. The survival rate for those marriages isn't very good from what I've seen over the years, but it also happens with males. That new self confidence required for the job isn't always all that welcome at home.

Does your husbands academy have some kind of support system for spouses? Mine did clear back in 1970. It wasn't all that great, but it was something. Wives of older officers met with academy wives and gave them some morale support if nothing else.