slapping...possible DQ?

[reuters]

When I was 20, I slapped my ex-boyfriend when he broke up with me after a 4 year relationship that lasted throughout high school and part of college. The line that did it for me was "I've been wanting to break up with you for the past 2 years, I just didn't know how to tell you..." So, I slapped him about 3 times in the face while crying my little heart out...it left no marks on his face. He then pulled me by my hair, spit in my face, and dragged me out of the car by my arms. He's 6'4'', I'm 5'0''. Anyways, police were not called, we both cooled off and I drove away from his apartment...never to see him again. I'm 24 now, and have been in a steady relationship for almost 3 years.

I have some questions.
1) will this slapping incident DQ me from backgrounds?
2) has anyone ever had their BI contact their ex-boyfriend/girlfriend?
3) do you think the BI will contact my ex over this incident?

Thanks for your input.

[Piggy]

If there were no criminal charges I don't think it would be that big of an issue, but I guess it would depend on the agency.

Most BI's are done by interviewing ex-spouses, but usually not ex-boyfriend/girlfriends. I guess they figure it would be more of a waste of time. How many of us would have an ex that would say something nice about us?

[RO56]

When I was 20, I slapped my ex-boyfriend when he broke up with me after a 4 year relationship that lasted throughout high school and part of college. The line that did it for me was "I've been wanting to break up with you for the past 2 years, I just didn't know how to tell you..." So, I slapped him about 3 times in the face while crying my little heart out...it left no marks on his face. He then pulled me by my hair, spit in my face, and dragged me out of the car by my arms. He's 6'4'', I'm 5'0''. Anyways, police were not called, we both cooled off and I drove away from his apartment...never to see him again. I'm 24 now, and have been in a steady relationship for almost 3 years.

I have some questions.
1) will this slapping incident DQ me from backgrounds?
2) has anyone ever had their BI contact their ex-boyfriend/girlfriend?
3) do you think the BI will contact my ex over this incident?

Thanks for your input.

If you post some pictures, maybe we can ... uhh ... answer your questions more thoroughly ... :D (J/K)

Wives/girlfriends slap their husbands/boyfriends every day. Most of the time, we deserve it.

[phantasm]

In NY, unless you were living together in a "family type of situation" or you have a child in common, then you slapping him is only harassment, which is a violation, which is only enforceable if witnessed by the officer, and then discretion is still allowed. What he did pulling you by the hair, dragging you, etc, is also only harassment assuming no physical injuries or substantial pain. During my hiring process I was never asked about ex GFs, but I was asked about past physical fights (I think). If all you did was slap him 3 times, I wouldn't really worry about it that much, and if there was no police record, then just tell the truth to the BI about the incident.

[Rad Diver]

In NY, unless you were living together in a "family type of situation" or you have a child in common, then you slapping him is only harassment, which is a violation, which is only enforceable if witnessed by the officer, and then discretion is still allowed. What he did pulling you by the hair, dragging you, etc, is also only harassment assuming no physical injuries or substantial pain. During my hiring process I was never asked about ex GFs, but I was asked about past physical fights (I think). If all you did was slap him 3 times, I wouldn't really worry about it that much, and if there was no police record, then just tell the truth to the BI about the incident.

In Florida, as long as ya'll never lived together as a family it wouldn't be no big thing. Watch that temper lil'lady!

[txinvestigator1]

Wives/girlfriends slap their husbands/boyfriends every day. Most of the time, we deserve it.

I don't know where you live, but I have NEVER been struck my a woman I was in a relationship with, nor would I tolerate it for 1 second.

I think her actions show a trait that should be carefully examined before hire.

[mcsap]

I trust that isn't how you deal with difficult decisions ?

[tomahawk134]

reuters

The outcome of a terminated relationship is NO reason to go HANDS ON ... This applies to you and your ex-boyfriend. I have little tolerance for either gender who expresses their emotions with physical violence. Especially men who need to control by force or women because they were emotional.

I trust you are in control of your emotions.

[MetPC]

I have NEVER been struck my a woman I was in a relationship with

Just the waitresses at Hooters huh:D

Reuters, if this was an isolated incident then I don't imagine that it'd impact on your chances too much. It's important, in terms of personal development and for future relationships and stressful situations that you identify what it was that caused you to react like that and to establish strategies to stop it happening again. Getting hand happy over hurtful words is wrong regardless of gender. If it does come up in BI I'd imagine that they'd like to see that you have considered your actions in a mature and constructive way to better yourself.

Good luck with the hiring process.

[RO56]

Wives/girlfriends slap their husbands/boyfriends every day. Most of the time, we deserve it.

I don't know where you live, but I have NEVER been struck my a woman I was in a relationship with, nor would I tolerate it for 1 second.

My statement was full of sarcasm. I guess it wasn't obvious enough, though ...

[Kimble]

I think her actions show a trait that should be carefully examined before hire.

I trust that isn't how you deal with difficult decisions ?

Both of you gentlemen are correct, however, in the defense of the original poster, any male who resorts to the actions the poster described (i.e. "He then pulled me by my hair, spit in my face, and dragged me out of the car by my arms") has earned that slap (though there are certainly better ways to handle the situation).

I'm in full agreement that resorting to physical violence to solve your frustration is both immature and unreasonable. However, I also suspect that this wasn't the first time this "guy" got physical with you when he was angry with you. I've been slapped once when I was much younger for calling a girl a word I shouldn't have used, but I digress. Acts of violence of the magnitude you describe from your ex often don't come suddenly out of nowhere. They usually build up over time and get worse as time progresses. If this is the case, I would recommend that you learn to deal with your frustrations in a non-violent manner AND look for relationships with those who can do the same thing (hopefully your current relationship is more in line with this than your previous one). You can't take out your agression physically on every person you encounter when on duty, and you also don't need to be going out on duty as a LEO (and dealing with all the problems you will encounter from the public, criminals, etc.) if you're getting beat up by your significant other on your time off.

[txinvestigator1]

Both of you gentlemen are correct, however, in the defense of the original poster, any male who resorts to the actions the poster described (i.e. "He then pulled me by my hair, spit in my face, and dragged me out of the car by my arms") has earned that slap (though there are certainly better ways to handle the situation).

Fair enough. I guess I figured that if she admitted to a "slap" right off of the bat that there was probably more to it than that on her part. An assumption yes, but on based on experience interviewing people.

I don't know where you live, but I have NEVER been struck my a woman I was in a relationship with, nor would I tolerate it for 1 second.

Just the waitresses at Hooters huh

Well, I guess that relationship was only in MY mind. :p

[reuters]

I guess maybe I should explain the situation surrounding this incident.

We were having issues for about 6 months prior to the slapping incident, but nothing physical. There was one incident however, when we were arguing and he picked me up against my will, dropped me outside at 2am (he's a foot and a half taller than me...if you want a visual, it was similar to Fred Flinstone picking up Dino, and dumping him outside of the house. :p ), and locked me out of the apartment wearing nothing but my PJs...I ended up sleeping in my car because he had the "courtesy" of throwing my car keys out his bedroom window. He told me the next day he didn't want to argue with me anymore because he wanted to sleep, which is why he dumped me outside. Now, I know you guys are all gentlemen here, and my ex's actions were very un-gentleman, if you ask me. Also, a few weeks prior to him breaking up with me, I caught him getting a phone number of some girl on campus, which only added fuel to the fire. When he said "I've been wanting to break up with you for 2 years..." I felt used and violated physically, emotionally, and financially. I know, he was a loser...thats why I didn't look back when we broke up. I do consider the "slap in the face" an isolated incident, because we had no prior physical contacts before that...and I'm not one who normally loses my temper, my current boyfriend can attest to that. (Yes, my current BF is a total gentleman...after 3 years of dating, he still opens every door for me.)

Of course, I'm not justifying my actions...a slap in the face is battery...I just wanted to explain the cirsumstances a little bit more. I do consider this an isolated incident and I plan on fully disclosing it...I'm just hoping the BI will see it the way I do. I did not slap him as a solution or to cause any harm...I slapped him because it was a build up of emotions. Afterwards, we cooled off and I walked away from the relationship...I have never laid a hand on anyone before or after this time. Its not a representation of me as a person, or how I will perform on a professional level. So anyways, thats the rest of the story. Hopefully it clears things up a bit.

p.s. On a kinda unrelated note, have you guys ever tried breaking up with a girl with the line "I've been wanting to break up with you for 2 years...I just didn't know how to tell you"? I don't know many girls who would take that lightly...:rolleyes:

Edit: Sorry, had to fix Fred's name. I typed "Fled". =)

[Oscarsjava]

I had a girl's father break up our relationship. That was kinda weird. She (the girl) used to punch me, but she was 4'11" so what could I do, ya know?

And, as a side note, some people pay good money to be slapped around by a good-looking 5 foot tall woman. I'm not naming any names, but...

[reuters]

Rofl...