Texas - Could Use A Little Help With My Fatherly Advice

[gibbster19]

My daughter is dating a young man in college who has plans to become a police officer in Amarillo, TX. My concerns are:

• He has depression and anger management issues.
• He is not taking depression meds due to a lack of money.
• My daughter doesn't like who he is without depression meds.
• She tolerates the relationship, waiting on the day he starts taking meds.

My concern is that he will not seek the treatment that she is waiting for as that disclosure may jeopardize his chances of becomming a police officer. In my research I could not determine if depression is an automatic disqualifier, or if it merely hurts your chances of acceptance.

Realizing that depression is often a hazard of law enforcement as it is, I am worried that his lack of disclosure and treatment would only be compounded as a result of his duties. Untreated, I would not want him in a uniform. The depression and anger management issues seem to be a recipe for disaster for the general public, the department and for my daughter in the role of his wife.

I apologize for the length of the message and hope I am not breaking any Forum rules. I suppose what I am asking for is your opinion of my theory that he will not want to disclose current depression treatment when applying. Is it a disqualifier or merely a red flag?

I thank you in advance for any help you may send my way. If there are other issues that I have not thought of, kindly let me know.

[Samuel]

Personally, I would focus first on your daughter's relationship with this guy and the potential problems/hazards for her and your family.

If he makes it into the background phase of hiring, there will likely be an opportunity for you to express your concerns to the department, especially if he and your daughter are still seeing each other...

[L-1]

I wouldn't worry too much about him slipping past the screening process.

Most states require that every law enforcement candidate be evaluated to determine if they are free from any emotional or mental condition that might adversely affect the exercise of the police powers and to otherwise ensure that the candidate is capable of withstanding the psychological demands of the position.

In my state the exam is administered by a psychologist and comes in three parts. First there are two written exams. One identifies patterns of abnormal behavior while the other assesses normal behavior. The tests ask the same questions several times over but in different ways, making it difficult to outguess the test. The third part is an in person interview with the psychologist and is based on the results of the written tests. If the applicant has emotional difficulties or if off his meds, it should show through.

However as the others have said, I would be more concerned with gently encouraging your daughter away from what sounds like someone who may present a lifetime of trouble.

Best of luck.

[mcsap]

Someone having depression ( even if they are on their meds) is not a great candidate for a position in law Enforcement. It would be difficult to entrust someone with the ability to make life and death decisions who is medicated ( or maybe they aren't taking their meds ? ).

He will have quiet the uphill battle to get hired until he is symptom and med free AND the Police Dept. doctor believes this.

[retdetsgt]

Who cares about his job opportunities? If I were her father, I'd be worried about him jeopardizing my daughter.

If he's dependent on meds and decides to quit taking them after they've had a couple kids, what then? He's got anger issues???? I would be worried about my kid. People don't change just because of a relationship or job. Your daughter is a huge potential victim of domestic violence. If they're just dating right now, you can be he's doing his best to hold it together, if they get married or even move in together, there is little doubt that there will be an escalation. I've seen this way too many times.

I have two grown daughters, both have been married a long time. I've had a couple of sit downs with each over men/boys they were dating. All I did was point out some concerns and asked them to think about them. My daughters are extremely important to me, the last thing I want is them being married to some loose cannon who requires meds and has anger problems.

[Cat_Doc]

Who cares about his job opportunities? If I were her father, I'd be worried about him jeopardizing my daughter.

Ditto!

[icu650]

Ditto,Ditto

[gibbster19]

Samuel...I agree with your suggested primary focus. Young love seems blind to reality at times and has difficulty projecting the future. It didn't occur to me that I would have the opportunity to be interviewed during the background phase. While I hope their relationship is undone before then, it makes me feel better that my wife and I may have a chance to share our insight should it get that far. Thank you.

[gibbster19]

I am comforted by the thoroughness of the psychological examination as you have kindly explained. It sounds like you have parenting experience as you understand that my concern for my daughter needs to be expressed to her in a manner which is, "gently encouraging". I thought parenting was hard when she was a toddler. Thank you for your response.

I wouldn't worry too much about him slipping past the screening process.

Most states require that every law enforcement candidate be evaluated to determine if they are free from any emotional or mental condition that might adversely affect the exercise of the police powers and to otherwise ensure that the candidate is capable of withstanding the psychological demands of the position.

In my state the exam is administered by a psychologist and comes in three parts. First there are two written exams. One identifies patterns of abnormal behavior while the other assesses normal behavior. The tests ask the same questions several times over but in different ways, making it difficult to outguess the test. The third part is an in person interview with the psychologist and is based on the results of the written tests. If the applicant has emotional difficulties or if off his meds, it should show through.

However as the others have said, I would be more concerned with gently encouraging your daughter away from what sounds like someone who may present a lifetime of trouble.

Best of luck.

[gibbster19]

I completely agree with you in that someone with depression is not a good candidate. Of course, my main concern is for my daughter but as a citizen, the thought of it is alarming. I personally have clinical depression and have been functioning relatively well these last 15 years. Though under control, I still have bad days when my fuse gets shorter or I may get a case of the "I don't care". I can get by with this as an unarmed civilian but I shudder to think of my potential with a badge and a gun(s). Your response is appreciated.

Someone having depression ( even if they are on their meds) is not a great candidate for a position in law Enforcement. It would be difficult to entrust someone with the ability to make life and death decisions who is medicated ( or maybe they aren't taking their meds ? ).

He will have quiet the uphill battle to get hired until he is symptom and med free AND the Police Dept. doctor believes this.

[gibbster19]

You are so right in that, "People don't change just because of a relationship or job". My wife and I have both expressed to her that when dating, this is the best that it gets. This is the time when both parties are on their best behavior and trying the hardest. Your point about him doing his best to hold it together is well taken, and I will work those words into my appeal.

You have succeeded in putting into words a gnawing feeling that I have had but couldn't pinpoint when you raise the domestic violence issue. The proverbial light bulb went on when I first read your words, thinking, "That's It!". I know that in law enforcement you are constantly exposed to the worst of our society and I implicitly trust you when you said that you have seen this way too many times. I know that he has yelled at her before but he was quick to apologize and blame his lack of meds.

Thank you for your generosity in responding and know that it was helpful.

Who cares about his job opportunities? If I were her father, I'd be worried about him jeopardizing my daughter.

If he's dependent on meds and decides to quit taking them after they've had a couple kids, what then? He's got anger issues???? I would be worried about my kid. People don't change just because of a relationship or job. Your daughter is a huge potential victim of domestic violence. If they're just dating right now, you can be he's doing his best to hold it together, if they get married or even move in together, there is little doubt that there will be an escalation. I've seen this way too many times.

I have two grown daughters, both have been married a long time. I've had a couple of sit downs with each over men/boys they were dating. All I did was point out some concerns and asked them to think about them. My daughters are extremely important to me, the last thing I want is them being married to some loose cannon who requires meds and has anger problems.