Can police investigate a harassment/blackmail case without telling one's spouse?

[wallyjburger]

I stupidly had an affair 1.5 years ago.

I am now being harassed/blackmailed by this woman.

I am afraid to go to the police as I do not wish my wife to find out.

Is there any way the police can be involved and keep this to just myself?

--W

[Kimble]

I stupidly had an affair 1.5 years ago.

I am now being harassed/blackmailed by this woman.

I am afraid to go to the police as I do not wish my wife to find out.

Is there any way the police can be involved and keep this to just myself?

--W

This is what you call unrealistic expectations of what police are empowered to do. Police are not your private investigators, and if an actual crime happened and it's pertenent to interview your wife for any reason, they're going to do their job (whether that uncovers your infidelity or not).

[retdetsgt]

No. Sorry to sound cold, but that's the price you pay for being stupid. The police will only investigate if there there is a crime that can be prosecuted and that will all be in the public view. They won't go out of they way to talk to your wife unless she had info for the investigation, but they won't shield her either.

[Jim1348]

Did you get a restraining order yet?

[mcsap]

Say the police arrest her. The affidavit and the charges will be a public document. You will have to go to court, probably more than once.

I hope the good times were worth it.

[Jim1348]

Did you get a restraining order yet?

[retdetsgt]

Did you get a restraining order yet?

He can't even to do that in some states. Oregon only allows them against people you have cohabitated with in the past. Of course, he may need one against his wife if she finds out.

[Kimble]

Did you get a restraining order yet?

Did you get a restraining order yet?

A question so nice Jim asked it twice!

[mobrien316]

I stupidly had an affair 1.5 years ago.

I am now being harassed/blackmailed by this woman.

I am afraid to go to the police as I do not wish my wife to find out.

Is there any way the police can be involved and keep this to just myself?

--W

No, if the police get involved other people, including your wife, will eventually find out.

If you are being blackmailed you have three choices:
1. Ignore the blackmailer and be prepared to deal with them going public with the information. (Reporting it to the police falls into this category.)
2. Pay the blackmailer, being prepared to continue to pay and to pay more and more as time goes by.
3. Confess to your wife and everyone else involved what you are being blackmailed over and tell the blackmailer to f**k themselves. (You can also go to the police with the option as well.)

Unless you have an unlimited supply of money, you should go with the first or the third option.

You are going to have to pick one of several unpalatable options, though the second one is the worst of all.

[retdetsgt]

About 6 years ago, a guy here who was my doctor, played slap and tickle with a female patient. She tried to blackmail him to the tune of $25,000. He made a guilt ridden confession to his wife and then called the police. They wired him and he met with her to discuss it. She was arrested and got a couple of years in the joint. Surprisingly, his wife didn't leave him and he voluntarily gave up his medical license. I talked to him several times afterwards and he was realistic about it. He couldn't have hidden giving this woman 25 grand and he knew there would always be more. It cost him plenty, but that's the price you pay sometimes.