What constitutes as rape? Is there a set definition? Was this rape?

[Alexsa]

*Sorry if this is too graphic, ill try and make it so that it's not soo graphic*

I went to a local bar, and saw an acquaintance there (my girls ex bf.) He took my drink and poured it in a glass, I though he was just being nice, even-though I didn't want it in a glass, I didn't make a big deal out of it. I only had two drinks before I couldn't stand still on my own two feet anymore without running into everything around me. I was naive to think that I actually took it too far and drank way to much. The bartender wouldn't let me drive, so my girls ex took over and drove my car back to his house.

I was laying on his bed as I couldn't really be anywhere else (it was his parents house) he asked If I wanted to take the rest of "that drug," which came as a shock to me. I had no desire to do drugs what so ever, the fact that he would even suggest it to me, really upset me. Later on, It clicked in my mind that when he said "the rest" of that drug, meant that I had already taken some of it.

I told him I felt sick and that my head was spinning, he took my pants off "to make me feel better" more "comfortable," I still had my panties on. I threw up preeety much..... all over his floor. I felt too "lazy" to move, I just felt so out of it.

He got ontop of me and kept rubbing his *** on my *** and I told him to stop, he tried to push it in, and I tried to block my *** with my hand so he wouldn't go in. He kept reminding me that we weren't having sex. He kept trying and trying and trying. I kept saying stop, and I had probably said it about 5 times, and got the "it isn't in yet!" response back all 5 times. I got enough strength to sit myself up so that I wasn't laying down, and he still kept trying. I said "stop, I mean it" in a loud serious tone as to "threaten" to wake his family up, thats when he gave up.

I talked to him about this, after the incident and confronted him, he told me he saw that "hurt" look on my face and the fact that it wasn't going in, is why he had stopped... which leads me to believe that he wouldn't have stopped if it did fully go in.

I don't know if it was "in" or not. I don't know if anyone can picture trying to force a *** into someone that's completely uninterested and has no desire to have sex (for lack of a better word) but I hope someone gets the point.

I really don't know what to make of this. Since Im finding it hard to come to terms, If I lost my virginity or not, I'd like to know if what he did is legally considered rape?

[marinepilot]

Alexsa,

What you have described is known as Sexual Battery in Florida, and it is most definitely a crime. I don't know about the laws where you are from because I don't know what state you're in, but I would guess that it's something just like the same crime here. Rape is kind of an antiquated word, and most laws are written as Sexual Battery now. For instance, the law in Florida is:

794.011 Sexual battery.—

(1) As used in this chapter:
(a) “Consent” means intelligent, knowing, and voluntary consent and does not include coerced submission. “Consent” shall not be deemed or construed to mean the failure by the alleged victim to offer physical resistance to the offender.

(d) “Offender” means a person accused of a sexual offense in violation of a provision of this chapter.
(e) “Physically helpless” means unconscious, asleep, or for any other reason physically unable to communicate unwillingness to an act.

(h) “Sexual battery” means oral, anal, or vaginal penetration by, or union with, the sexual organ of another or the anal or vaginal penetration of another by any other object; however, sexual battery does not include an act done for a bona fide medical purpose.
(i) “Victim” means a person who has been the object of a sexual offense.

(4) A person who commits sexual battery upon a person 12 years of age or older without that person’s consent, under any of the following circumstances, commits a felony of the first degree, punishable as provided in s. 775.082, s. 775.083, s. 775.084, or s. 794.0115:
(a) When the victim is physically helpless to resist.

(d) When the offender, without the prior knowledge or consent of the victim, administers or has knowledge of someone else administering to the victim any narcotic, anesthetic, or other intoxicating substance which mentally or physically incapacitates the victim.

The statute is much longer, but I've edited it down to the parts that seem to best fit your story.

My advice would be to call your local law enforcement agency, or the agency that covers the area where the bar and the mans house are if you are in a different community, and report this and charge the guy. If he's done it to you, he's done it, or WILL do it, to others. You could be the straw that breaks this camel's back.

Also, try to seek counseling as sexual battery can be a life altering event. If you don't talk with someone about it, it could eat at you for the rest of your life.

[Alexsa]

So there really is no such this as "rape" when it comes down to it?

This was in MO (I'm sure it doesn't make a difference) but im not really looking to press charges. I just want to know for the sake of knowing, for myself because it is eating me away.

Thanks.

[mcsap]

I agree. You are the victim of a sexual assault. You should report this to your police as soon as possible.

[marinepilot]

So there really is no such this as "rape" when it comes down to it?

This was in MO (I'm sure it doesn't make a difference) but im not really looking to press charges. I just want to know for the sake of knowing, for myself because it is eating me away.

Thanks.

Rape is an older term that described sex against someone's will. Since it was so strict in it's definition, most places have changed the law to include "union with" meaning that if they touch your sexual genitalia without your permission then that it sexual battery.

As for not pressing charges, that is your choice, but it would most likely make you feel better knowing that the perv that did this to you won't be able to hurt you again, and wouldn't be able to hurt any others again. Who knows, if you report it and he gets arrested, there may be who-knows-how many others out there who come forward that this guy has done this too and they are too afraid to take the first step, just like you are now. It would give you at the very least a feeling that you have taken control of the situation and done something to keep it from happening again to anyone else.

As for it eating you away, that will continue to happen until you get some professional counseling. Coming on here and listening to me type away won't make this any easier to deal with. Go find a professional to talk to.

And involve the police.

[Alexsa]

I'm in denial that he even spiked my drink. As much as I want to believe he did and as many times I can say he did, I can only go off his words, he said that night about taking the "rest" of that drug (which I could easily be misinterpreting.) He's not willing to admit it, and when I kept pushing him to admit it, he admits it then makes up excuses to cover it up. That and the fact that Im pushing him to tell me what I want to hear, it doesn't seem like hes being very sincere about it.

I know nothing will ever happen to me, i've cut him out of my life 110%... as far as the same thing happening to other girls, if I do report it, his friends are going to attack me or just make me even more miserable. This happened months ago, and i've let it go. When I confronted him about it the first time, he had some girl text me all these nasty messages, pretending to be him. He wouldn't leave me alone and started threatening to bring my family into this, and to me it's not worth it.

I just wish I did something there and then. I don't see how a case is going to be built up against him where he gets arrested... it's been months and literally no evidence other then "he said, she said."

I've been hearing that something did happen to him with an underage girl before all this happened and I wish I knew what, I know the cops were called and there's probably a report made about it, would there be anyway, I could get a copy or find out what happened, if it would motivate me to do something? Or is that all private?

[retdetsgt]

Contact your local police agency and make a report. Messing around on the Internet trying to play semantics isn't worth your time. Every state has different laws, but they all boil down to the same thing, nonconsensual sex is illegal.

Even if they can't prosecute at this late date, his name will be on file as a suspect in a sexual assault.

[Cat_Doc]

Even if they can't prosecute at this late date, his name will be on file as a suspect in a sexual assault.

Yep, if he dropped roofie on you, he will do it to someone else.

[missouricop]

Here in Missouri your story would lean more towards Attempted Force-able Rape,
unless there was full penetration then just leave the Attempted off.
This is a very serious crime that happens a lot.
You also have to think, if he did this and admitted he didn't stop only because it didn't go all the way in, who else has he done this to? Who else WILL he do it to? Is it possible if he keeps trying and keeps failing to "get it in" because to much resistance from the female , even when drugged, will he attempt it to find a smaller (younger) victim?
Victim is what what you were in this.
You didn't ask for it or want it and even said to stop over and over.
You were able to stop him. What if the next one can't?
Sorry if I seem harsh, I have had alot of this and most of the guys involved had admitted to doing it before.

[GoDirectly2Jail]

Try to think objectively about this. If you were hearing this same report from your sister or best friend, what would you be encouraging them to do?

You've been very brave and strong, and it's natural to be questioning yourself, but you did nothing wrong. He is a predator and WILL do this again, but you can help to stop him.

[eaglei]

In California it is "penetration, however slight".
We would file it as rape (261 P.C.) Possibly an additional charge for the drugging but without a blood test it might not go.

[Gutwrench]

Hello Alexsa,

I am sorry to read of your experience. I apologize if you mentioned the state in which this occurred. I agree wholeheartedly with retdetsgt in that you should immediately consult your local law enforcement agency. There is not enough information available in your posts to determine the exact crime in which you are a clear victim.

In California it is very likely the crime is positively rape. Rape is the act of sexual intercourse accomplished against the will the will of another. Any penetration, however slight, is sufficient for the crime to be complete. Furthermore as you described what happened it is likely further aggravated by the use of an intoxicating or anesthetic substance.

I urge you to seek out law enforcement without any further delay.

My deep regards to you.

gutwrench

[cntryboy0531]

Yep, if he dropped roofie on you, he will do it to someone else.

Agreed 100%

Either you are his first and he'll do it again, or you are not his first and he will continue to do it. I highly encourage you to make a report to law enforcement. Most agencies have on staff, or have access to a Victim's Advocate service that can help you all the way through the process. Even if they can't prosecute him right now, he will at least be known as a suspect in a sexual assault and it flags all types of things if his name keeps coming up.

Men like this are predators. They will not stop unless caught.