Just a few questions ?

[brunaleski]

Hi, my name is Kim. I posted here a few months ago explaining my situation with my current boyfriend and asked some questions. I'm not sure if anyone remembers that, but here's the long story short:

I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years. A year into our relationship we moved in with his father. After about 3 months, his father kicked me out. After I moved back in with my parents, he made up lies about me saying I stole from him, that my family spray painted my boyfriend's car, and that I tried to cash his checks at his bank to try and pay for my family's mortgage. I know there's no way I can prove I didn't do any of this - I'm just going to have to ask for your trust. When I initially explained all of this I asked if any of it was plausible if I had never been contacted by the authorities about those alleged incidents.

Moving forward, it has now been almost 7 months since I was kicked out of my boyfriend's father's house, and we have been secretly dating that entire time, and meeting up with each other without his father knowing. Also, throughout the 7 months, we have been saving up for an apartment to move in together and we will soon be doing so.

The thing is, I'm scared about how his father will react. He despises me, obviously. Soon after I got kicked out, my boyfriend tried to come visit me at my house, and his father threatened to call the police and have me and my boyfriend arrested. He tried everything to make sure my boyfriend didn't see me. We are both 21 years old.

I guess my question is, when my boyfriend tells him that we are moving in together, and he goes to try and call the police to stop him, what will the police do? Also, if he tries to physically stop him from living with me, or physically hurt me in any way to try and prevent us from being together, is there anything I can do? I am very scared of this man but there's no way I could put a restraining order against him or something because he's my boyfriend's father. I also haven't told him how scared of him I am because I don't think my boyfriend realizes what his father is capable of.

I'm just concerned about how we should approach moving in together, and what will happen when he calls the police.

[icu650]

Hello, You have just described a whole lot of very, very detailed allegations of which you say you did not commit any. Most people that make up allegations will say general terms and not be as detailed as to "cash my check and try to pay for her family's mortgage." This had to come from somewhere. We are missing important details.
You and your boyfriend are both 21 years old. You can do anything you want. Tell your boyfriend of your fears and make him "man-up" to his father. Does your boyfriend think that you had anything to do with any of the allegations?

[retdetsgt]

If you didn't do any of the things the father is accusing you of, then I assume he would have no proof. Therefore you have little to fear from the police. If you did some of those things, then it's a different ball game.

The real decision you need to make is whether or not you want to remain associated with this family. The father is likely to never change and as icu650 said, if your boy friend can't deal with him, what do you think your future with him and his father is going to be? The son will have to disavow any relationship with his father to have a decent one with you. Is he wiling to do that? Probably not.

[brunaleski]

I didn't do any of the things he said, and all the proof he has I assume he's made up. I mean, he's even come up with a "letter from Quakertown National Bank" stating that they had video evidence of me cashing the checks. My boyfriend asked to see the video evidence and they said the police wouldn't let them see it. But it described me "perfectly." I'm not afraid of police involvement because of any possibility of me being guilty. I'm afraid that there is some possibility that the result of police involvement will prohibit my boyfriend and I from being together. I mean, he wanted to call the police and have us both arrested just because he wanted to come see me at my house.

[mcsap]

If you DID anything that you have been accused of, than you have something to fear.

If you did NOT do any of these things , than you do NOT have anything worry about.

You are legal adults and can do as you wish within the confines of the law , not his dads wishes. if his dad keeps up the bit about the crimes you committed , tell him to have the police contact you. Put up or shut up time.

You of course will probably forever be persnona non-grata as the dads home. Is that OK with you ? Will it be OK if your BF runs home to visit but you can't go along ? Will it be ok if your BF is invited to family outings with them but you are not welcome ?

What do YOUR parents think of this mess ? Do they blame your BF or are they totally blaming his dad ? Can you take your BF to your parents home or is he not welcome due to the drama ?

How many people will you alienate if the two of you get together and will you care ?

[brunaleski]

I don't have any problem with him seeing his family if I'm not welcome. It's his family, he should be able to. His mother still likes me, I still have her. His brother I can probably win over again. It's just his father that hates me.

He is completely welcome at my house, my family loves him. They are mad at the things his dad has said and made up about me, which is completely understandable. They do think he should stick up for me and just man-up to his father like the previous poster said. But it's not that easy in this case.

And to assume that I'm alienating anyone was a rather mean comment. The only person who would be alienated in this instance is the father, and by my viewpoint he deserves it.

[retdetsgt]

And to assume that I'm alienating anyone was a rather mean comment. The only person who would be alienated in this instance is the father, and by my viewpoint he deserves it.

I would really suggest you and your boy friend go to a counselor and work out what kind of future you will have and what HE is willing to do to protect you. Otherwise, this will always be a mess.

[mcsap]

I did not intend for my " alienate " comment to be mean.

Rather it was meant to be truthful. If it hurts a little , so be it. Better to be hurt on-line than in person.

You describe a very ODD scenario where a couple of " adults " are somewhat clueless to what they can legally do and are bing " held hostage" by a mean dad. You are 21. You can buy a house , enter into a contract , join the military , leave the country etc etc etc. You are a legal adult who has no legal ties to either set of parents. But someday , that may change. Time and grandkids has a way of doing this.

Not including his dad , will you alienate a bunch of other people in your " Romeo and Juliet " relationship or is HE the only person casting significant apsersions on your romantic wishes ? I asked ebcause if you are so concerned over what one person who has NO legal power of him or you can do , I made the educated assumption that there may be more people / relatives in the mix that may cause the two of you to act and keep acting the way you have been.

I have seen a LOT in 29 yrs of LE but I always run into someone who adds a new twist to the term " domestic entanglements".

[icu650]

When was this check supposedly cashed? After you were kicked out? How long ago did the father say he went to the police? When was your boyfriends car spray painted before or after you were kicked out? When you were kicked out, did your boyfriend stick up for you then or at anytime the father was pitching these allegations at you? When you say we are saving up for an apartment, in percentage values, what percent is he putting in so far?

[brunaleski]

When was this check supposedly cashed? After you were kicked out? How long ago did the father say he went to the police? When was your boyfriends car spray painted before or after you were kicked out? When you were kicked out, did your boyfriend stick up for you then or at anytime the father was pitching these allegations at you? When you say we are saving up for an apartment, in percentage values, what percent is he putting in so far?

It supposedly cashed after I got kicked out. Firsthe said it was at Quakertown National Bank which is about an hour and half away from me, and I don't have a license or a car to get there with. Then he said it was the Perkasie branch of QNB which is the closest to my house but still an hour or so away. He kept adding details to make it more belieavable.

The day after I got kicked out my boyfriend told his father he was moving in with me in my parent's house because he was so angry at him for kicking me out. The day after his car got spray painted and he blamed it on my brother who has had no affiliation with his father whatsoever. He said that the police had proof of it.

He stuck up for me when I got kicked out, but his first intetion was to straighten everything out and get me to move back in. Every time his father made up a new lie about me he never believed it but his father would constantly scream at him to leave me. Which is why we started secretly dating because neither of us wanted him to go through that. I think its a valid point to add that his father did not raise him. He lived with his mother from 8 years old until a year ago. This is another reason why I think he's afraid of him.

I'd say in percentage values its 70% me 30% him due to the fact that he is currently paying off a car and has expensive car insurance because it's his first car. I can put more towards it financially at the moment and that's what I do. He does what he can.

[brunaleski]

Not including his dad , will you alienate a bunch of other people in your " Romeo and Juliet " relationship or is HE the only person casting significant apsersions on your romantic wishes ? I asked ebcause if you are so concerned over what one person who has NO legal power of him or you can do , I made the educated assumption that there may be more people / relatives in the mix that may cause the two of you to act and keep acting the way you have been.

I have seen a LOT in 29 yrs of LE but I always run into someone who adds a new twist to the term " domestic entanglements".

I left it out because I didn't feel comfortable saying it and it didn't seem significant, but you are right. It's his father and his father's husband that hate me. My boyfriend's father is gay. But it's his father who is the one making up stories and such.

But other than that, no, there isn't anyone else, in his family or not, that "is casting significant aspersions." I find it impressive that you could tell it was more than one person, though.

[Ispbear]

Why did his father kick you out of the house and why does he hate you so much. There has to be a reason if he let you move in. That is why all of us are saying that there is more to this.

[retdetsgt]

Well, as far as the police go, you're probably fine. Relationship wise, this probably isn't the best place to go for advice.

[brunaleski]

I'm sorry I left that out. His main reasoning was because I couldn't go on birth control. I was on it for a few months in the beginning of our relationship, but I suffered a blood clot due to it and was told I couldn't take it anymore. When they found this out they were deathly afraid I was going to get pregnant and they thought I was lying about not being able to take it. He thought my entire plot was to get pregnant by my boyfriend.

This was the reasoning he gave me the day I got kicked out but he also implied that I wasn't good enough for his son, including that I was poor and from the ghetto. In my heart I believe that this is the real reason.

[brunaleski]

Well, as far as the police go, you're probably fine. Relationship wise, this probably isn't the best place to go for advice.

Sorry, I was just answering everyone's questions. I did kind of notice about an hour ago it was more of relationship advice than anything to do with the law, lol.