Best Cop/lawyer stories...

[MPI1]

Tonight I was reading a advice thread on a law enforcement website. This advice thread was based on "How to testify in court" and one of the officers on that thread gave this little tid-bit of what he had said on the stand before:

Lawyer: Do you think my client was intimidated by you and five other officers dressed all in black coming to his house in the middle of the night?
Me: I can't say whether your client was intimidated or not.
Lawyer: Well, if that many cops came to your house would you be intimidated?
Me: I've had that many cops at my house before and was not intimidated.
Lawyer: Well, what if they were attorneys.
Me: Depends on whether they are prosecutors or defense attorneys.
Judge: Let's move along gentlemen.

So my question to you ladies and gents, what is your most memorable/funny court room "examination" where you and a defense attorney have "gone toe to toe."

Look forward to the responses.

MPI1

[Outshined]

One of my DWI trials.
This came after a long back and forth while he was trying to discredit me and claim that I was unfair to his client.

Lawyer: So Officer you usually have the suspect perform the finger to nose test 3 times with each hand, but for some unknown reason you only gave my client the opportunity to touch his nose one time with each hand, could you explain to the jury why you would not afford my client the same opportunity to prove he wasn't intoxicated that you give to everyone else, we all want to hear.....

Me: (turning to the jury to look at them directly) Because Mr. ##### Fell into the ditch after performing the finger to nose test the first time.

[1depd]

My partner and I caught two juvenile males stealing bicycles from a 55 year and old condo association we had in the city. It went to court and as with most juvie cases it was heard by a judge and no jury was convened.

Lawyer: Officer describe what happened the night you believe you encountered my client.
Me: My partner and I were working a detail where we patrolled higher crime areas operating one of our unmarked units. At approximately 0200 we turned into a 55 and older condo association we have had problems with car thieves leaving stolen vehicles. Under a street light, at the end of the parking lot I observed two younger looking males. <fast forward> I looked at your clients face and memorized his features. Your client turned and ran approximately 100 yards through the lighted parking lot then turned behind the condos.
Lawyer: Officer, was it dark?
Me: Yes, it was 0200, although we were under a street light.
Lawyer: When you were looking at the person you believe to be my client did you obtain a clothing description?
Me: No.
Lawyer: Why not?
Me: Most people have several sets of clothing, and with the expression on your clients face, I figured he was most likely going to run. I figured I had plenty of time while chasing your client to see what he was wearing and only a few seconds to see his face.
Lawyer: But how could you see his face it was dark.
Me: As I've explained a couple times now, we were under a street light.
Judge: Ms Defense Attorney, it has been made abundantly clear by this officer and <his partner> your client was standing under a street light. It appears to the court there was sufficient light to see your client. Please move on to your next topic.
Lawyer: Yes your honor. Officer, what made you think the person you believe to be my client was suspicious.
Officer: The first thing that made me suspicious was the condo association had rules limiting the age of it's occupants to 55 years old and older. Typically there would be two reasons for someone in their 20's or late teens to be in the complex. They are visiting family or friends or they are there to commit a crime. We check everyone we encounter, who looks too young to live in the association. The second circumstance that made me a little suspicious was when you client ran.
Lawyer: Did you think that maybe the person you believe to be my client was going out for a run. Since it is much cooler at night and this is Florida.
Me: Since your client was wearing blue jeans and a long sleeve button down shirt and most people wear t-shirts and shorts when they run. No I did not think he was getting his nightly exercise.
Lawyer: Officer, you stated you did not obtain a clothing description.
Me: No ma'am, I stated I did not initially get a clothing description while your client was under the light when we made first contact, because I believed there would be plenty of time to obtain a clothing description while I was chasing your client. I was correct.
Lawyer: This was at 0200, and by your own testimony it was dark out. How could you obtain a clothing description after the person you believe to be my client left the light.
Me: Since the condo complex is occupied by elderly persons there are street lights every few feet in the parking area, to discourage criminals from waiting in the shadows to attack the residents and so the residents can see where they are walking.
Lawyer: You stated my client ran behind the buildings. Are there lights back there?
Me: No.
Lawyer: How were you able to obtain a clothing description if the person was running through the shadows behind the buildings.
Me: There was plenty of time to obtain a clothing description, when your client ran the approximately 100 yards under the street lights.


Needles to say this attorney lost. She seemed to be fresh out of law school, because she had no idea how to examine an experienced witness, or as can be seen by the last two questions an inexperienced one.

[retdetsgt]

The best tip I ever got on testifying was from a defense attorney.

The first thing to do is make sure you know the attorney's name. As soon as the DA turns you over to them for cross, smile your most friendly smile and say something like, "Good morning/afternoon Mr/Ms Whoever".

It will often unnerve them for a moment or two and if they start to get hostile, the more pleasant you are, the better you look to the jury. I've had more than a few defense attorneys mention in closing statements that the jury should not judge the defendant on the actions of their attorneys. Which made me fairly confident that they realized they came across as @sses and were trying to do damage control.

If you can make a good jab, that's great, but don't let it get into a pissing match and you lose your composure. It will hurt you in the long run.

[Piggy]

This was my favorite for a poss. of mairjuana.

The first occupant testified that there was three adults, no children in the car.
The second occupant testified that there were two adults in the car
The third, the defendant, testified that there were two adults and a baby in the car. We were all scratching our heads trying to figure out where the baby was stored.

So the court appointed defense attorney is trying to coach this kid out of testifying that there was a baby in the car, because we just got done watching a video where there was no baby. He asked the defendant three different ways if there was a baby in the car, and the kid was positive there was. Then the kid admits he had marijuana but said he didn't think it was right to search with the baby in the car.

The defense attorney was a good guy, court appointed and it was his turn. In the middle of the trial, he turns over and starts talking to the prosecutor. He said, "you know, I had three guys this morning who I thought for sure were going to trial and they ended up taking a plea. I finally get the kid who should take a plea and he wants a trial. I'm supposed to be a defense attorney and I have no idea how to defend this kid as he's doing a better job prosecuting himself than you".

Everyone in the court, including the judge started laughing. The kid got found guilty.

[MPI1]

THESE ARE GREAT! Keep them coming and hopefully one day I will have a couple of my own to add.

[marinepilot]

Mine isn't so exciting or funny, but it felt good when it happened.

Sent to a Domestic Violence call, dispatch says female complainant says a male hit her and is still there. Get there, talk to female first, then as I'm talking to male, female won't shut up making it VERY difficult to talk to male. Finally, my backup officer arrests said female for obstructing my investigation.

She takes it to trial and I get called to stand. On cross the defense attorney gets around to this:

Def Atty: So, Deputy XXXX, you were called to the scene because my client stated so-and-so slapped her face, and she was the one arrested?
Me: Yes, sir, that is correct. May I expound on my answer?
Def Atty: No, you may not. No further questions.

Now I look at the young prosecutor and he's just bouncing in his seat, can't wait to get to redirect. Judge asks him if he has any and he about flies up to the podium!

Pros Atty: Deputy XXXX, would you please expound on your answer from Def Atty's question?
Me: (looking direct at jury) The rules for domestic violence in State of FL say that if I can determine a primary aggressor, I must make an arrest. In this case, I had the Defendant accusing so-and-so of slapping her, and so-and-so accused Defendant of slapping him. I did not see injuries on either, so I couldn't determine the primary aggressor, so I did a report on it. Defendant, however, made my investigation almost impossible by screaming at so-and-so, so my backup officer arrested her for interfering.

She was found guilty.

Like I said, not that funny, but you would have had to see the young ADA!

[icu650]

Supposedly based on a true story concerning an attorney I happen to know. The attorneys' name is Ray. This incident occurred on Long Island, New York and involved attorney Ray and Highway Patrol Officer Mark.
Ray, the attorney, was a very colorful man standing at 5'7" with a very thin build and short black hair. Ray always sported a colorful bow tie worn with his deep dark black suit. Ray was a very good defense attorney in all matters from DMV to criminal. One problem is Ray loved to drink after the court day was over. He would sit at the bar with other attorneys', cops, Judges and many others that worked in the court system. Ray used to talk to Mark (the highway patrol officer) in the bar and discuss legal stories.

One day Ray was driving home from court and had not been drinking. He didn't want to drink because he had to take his wife out for dinner and wanted to be sober when he got home. He was in a rush, however, and blew right passed Mark at 75 mph in a 55mph zone. Mark had one of the best radar guns and had just calibrated it . Mark also taught this subject to new recruits.
Ray was still traveling south on the roadway when Mark pulled behind him and turned on his lights. Ray pulled over only to find out that it was Mark. After the initial hellos and how are things doing conversation Mark told Ray he was getting a speeding ticket for doing 75 in a 55. Ray thought for a minute and stated to Mark. "I will beat you on this in Court". Mark laughed and told Ray that his equipment was new and just calibrated. There was no way Ray could beat this. Ray insisted he could and laughed also. He even bet five dollars with Mark that he would win. The day of the trial came and Ray met Mark out in the hallway and reminded Mark of the bet and asked if he brought his equipment with him. Mark stated he did. The night before Mark checked everything he could on this equipment and was sure he could answer any question posed about it. Mark was ready to beat Ray in court. This trial between Mark and Ray was the talk of the bar circuit around town. They entered the court room. The judge asked both parties if they were ready. After stating they were Ray called Mark to the stand.
Mark was sworn in and took the stand with his equipment and a confident smile.
Ray asked Mark his first question. "Officer, isn't it true that you have a monetary interest or bet in the outcome of this trial?
Mark hesitated. He had forgot about the bet. Could Ray have recorded the bet out in the hallway?
Mark answered "Yes,but" he was stopped by Ray.
Ray made a motion to dismiss because the officer had a monetary interest in the outcome of the trial.
The Judge looked at Ray and then at Mark . He again faced Ray shook his head and dismissed the charge.

Sorry if it was to long.

[retdetsgt]

We used to have an African American judge here named Aaron Brown, Jr. Nice guy, great sense of humor.

When he was first elected judge, some hillbilly came before him, looked at the name plate on the bench, then at the judge and started laughing. Judge Brown was getting a little ticked and asked him what was so damn funny. The hillbilly said, "I'm sorry, Your Honor, I just noticed your name plates says 'A. Brown, Judge'". Judge Brown did smile and the next day the name plate read, "Aaron Brown, Jr., Judge".

Another Judge Brown story was when some guy came into his court wearing a bright yellow sports jacket. Judge Brown told the man that he really admired his jacket and asked if he could look at it closer. The guy got a funny look on his face, but handed Judge Brown the coat. Brown looked at the inside label and then asked one of the officers in the court to take this man into custody for burglary. The coat had been taken in a burglary of Judge Brown's house the week before.

Before district court was a court of record here, I listened to him chewing out some young kid and describing his future to him. I wish I could remember more of it but towards the end he sounded like a Pentecostal preacher as he told this kid, "And when they closed them big iron doors and you hear them homosexuals mooaanning in the background......." He wasn't the most skilled law expert, but he was a great judge!

If I had to wait around in the courthouse, if I could, I'd find his courtroom and just sit and listen. It was always entertaining.

[MRBEST]

The best tip I ever got on testifying was from a defense attorney.

The first thing to do is make sure you know the attorney's name. As soon as the DA turns you over to them for cross, smile your most friendly smile and say something like, "Good morning/afternoon Mr/Ms Whoever".

It will often unnerve them for a moment or two and if they start to get hostile, the more pleasant you are, the better you look to the jury. I've had more than a few defense attorneys mention in closing statements that the jury should not judge the defendant on the actions of their attorneys. Which made me fairly confident that they realized they came across as @sses and were trying to do damage control.

If you can make a good jab, that's great, but don't let it get into a pissing match and you lose your composure. It will hurt you in the long run.

Just recently had a Defense Attorney clearly become extremely frustrated and angry. I was waiting for the DA/State to make an objection anytime since the same question was being asked over and over and over again. However, as the Defense Attorney was losing patience and getting annoyed because I wasn't saying what they wanted to hear, I just kept getting nicer and nicer. I stayed calm and just answered the same question, the same way, over and over again, in a very calm, polite, and professional manner. I was laughing and smiling on the inside because it was so clear how annoyed the Attorney was getting.

[MRBEST]

Oh yeah, and then I just had an interesting one, not too good and not technically on the stand but kind of funny. I had a prostitute who was later identified after taking off from a vehicle. She shows up to court and I could hear her telling the Public Defender "this be bullsh*t, some bi*ch stole my id, and this cop got me wrongly accused". This was during a recess and before the preliminary hearing was to take place. I calmly walked up to the State/District Attorney and made sure the Public Defender could hear me (sitting a few rows back and talking to the defendant - out of custody). I said just so you know, I immediately recognized <defendant> when she walked in the courtroom. She is without any doubt 100% the same person that I saw <date of incident> and took off running from me. She's claiming something about a mistaken identity or someone else using her info. I'm free all day and don't have work tonight, so if needed to testify, just let me know, I'll be in the back. Needless to say, the Public Defender negotiated a deal with the State about 5 minutes after I sat down and still during the recess.

[jarobins]

A few years ago I had just been promoted and transferred within my agency which caused me to move from one side of the state to the other, essentially from the big city to the country. My very first day in the new area I arrested a drunk driver and had to fight with the guy to get him cuffed. It made a great first impression on the guys I supervised.

Anyway, it comes up for court a few months later and the only defense the suspect's attorney could muster was to attack the reason for the stop, which was an inspection sticker violation. In Virginia all cars have to undergo a safety inspection every year and display a small sticker on the center of the windshield.

Defense: How fast was my client going when you first observed him?
Me: I don't know as I wasn't running radar, however, he appeared to be traveling with the flow of traffic.
Defense: And what was the posted speed limit on the road that he was traveling?
Me: 65 mph
Defense: And where were you when you saw him?
Me: Sitting stationary in the median of the interstate
Defense: So my client passed you going 65 mph?
Me: Again, I wasn't operating radar so I can only estimate that he was going 65 mph
Defense: So how long did you observe my client's vehicle?
Me: For about an hour as I never lost sight of the vehicle from when I initially observed it until I stopped it and subsequently arrested your client.
Defense: No, how long did you see the front of it until it passed your location?
Me: From when I first observed it until it passed me was about 5 seconds.
Defense: And how big are inspection stickers?
Me: Approximately 2" x 4"
Defense: So my client passed you going 65 mph while you were sitting stationary and you only observed his car for 5 seconds before it passed you?
Me: Yes.
Defense: And in that 5 seconds you expect this court to believe that you could read a 2" sticker from the median while he passed your car traveling 65 mph?
Me: No.
Defense: So you admit that you couldn't see my client's inspection sticker prior to stopping him?
Me: That is correct
Defense: So then how do explain your earlier testimony that you stopped my client for an inspection sticker violation?
Me: The vehicle your client was operating did not have an inspection sticker and I observed that it was displaying Virginia license plates which therefore required it to have a current Virginia state inspection.
Defense: Uh...no further questions.

[Aussie George]

I've told this before in another similar thread, but....

A guy I worked with once told of a case he was working. He had attended a DV incident about a month after graduation. The female was susbsequently arrested but not until after she tried to fake an asthma attack to get out of it. The officer made a note in his notebook about the fake ashtma attack. The defence lawyer made a thing of this of course and the questioning went something like this....

Lawyer: How long have you been a Police Officer?

Cop: I graduated about a month ago

Lawyer: And what medical background do you require to be a police officer?

Cop: Just a basic first aid course.

Lawyer: And you did one of these courses prior to becoming a Police Officer, did you?

Cop: Yes. I had already compelted a St Johns First Aid Course.

Lawyer: (Pauses to build suspension in the court)....So in your vast experience as a Police Officer of one month, an your excellent knowledge of first aid, how can you even dare to write in your notebook that my client faked her asthma attack? How can you stand there and say that you are qualified enough to make that call and where do you....etc etc. (Basically the lawyer went on and on and would not let the cop talk until the prosecutor intervened and asked the judge to pull the lawyer into line)

Finally the judge told the lawyer to ask their question again but to be more precise.

Lawyer: So Officer, with one month of being a Police Officer and having completed a St Johns First Aid Course, what gives you the qualification to make a note in your notebook that my client had faked an asthma attcack?

Cop: Well prior to joing the Police I had worked for 15 years as an intensive care paramedic in that area and I had attended your clients house on numerous occasions with Police. On all of those previous occasions it was determined that your client was faking her condition in an attempt to avoid being taken to the watch house.

Lawyer: No more questions, your honour.

[kels]

First, Commercial motor vehicle law enforcement is different that for private vehicles.
"Spot checks" do NOT require reasonable susp for a stop.

This was court day with one of my heavy haulers.

DA You have been harassing my clients havnt you?
ME No Sir.
DA You didnt even have probably cause to stop then did you?
Me No Sir
DA You stopped my clients because of who they were.
ME No, I stopped your clients because they were south of I-70,
It was after midnight, and they were southbound.
DA (gets a very perplexed look on his face)(finally he asks)
That means something to you?
Me Yes
DA (in a huffy voice) why dont you explain it to the rest of us.
Me I have NEVER seen your client south of I-70 after dark headed
southbound when he WASNT overweight.
COURTROOM ERUPTS IN LAUGHTER (THEY HAD SENT SUPONEAS
FOR 8 MOTOR CARRIER INSPECTORS, ONE COUNTY DEPUTY WHO
HAS SCALES AND 4 DEPUTIES WHO HELPED STOP SEMIS THAT NIGHT.)
DA Your Honor, I object.
JUDGE, Counselor, you asked the question, objection over ruled.

[kels]

a very tired very frustrated Defense Attorney is trying his best........
(his client is going to jail)

DA When did you arrive at the accident scene?(this was a fatality)
Me About thirty minutes after everyone else
DA What did you do when you arrived?
Me I directed traffic at the North end of the scene.
DA Then, why are you here today?
Me I believe YOU had me suponead?

Insert photo of DA with steam coming out from under the collar of his suit

DA, Your Honor, I have no more questions for this witness.......