Advice Please?

[Jamie Haster]

Hello , I was wondering if I can get some answers here to help with my situation. I broke it off with my boyfriend a few months back, well I ended up giving him another chance so he moved back in with me. He’s back to his old ways, using drugs and being abusive. I have asked him to leave and he just refuses to. About a week ago he beat me up I did not report it, can I now? Or did I wait too long? I just want him gone. What is the best way for me to go about getting him out of my house and out of my life?

[QldCop]

If you lived here.
You could still look at taking out a Domestic Violence Order.
If he's not on the Lease / Rental agreement etc... more grounds for us to kick him out...

Unfortunately it's always the same story, "Thought he would change", "thought things would be different this time..."
As the saying goes if it looks like it & smells like it... most probably is!! AND YOU CANT POLISH IT!!

[mobrien316]

In Connecticut you could still report it, but the delay in time between the incident and the report make it more difficult for the police to establish probable cause to arrest your boyfriend.

Report it anyway and then contact the court about obtaining a restraining order. And if the guy hits you again call the police immediately. If you are in fear of your life then leave immediately. Whatever is in your apartment is not worth your life.

[Jamie Haster]

I'm in California, I still have bruises is the problem proving he did it? I'm sorry i don't know what probable cause is. I hope next time I will call the police immediately, I tell myself that I will but it's hard not to be scared when he's in the same house.

[pac201]

I'm in California, I still have bruises is the problem proving he did it? I'm sorry i don't know what probable cause is. I hope next time I will call the police immediately, I tell myself that I will but it's hard not to be scared when he's in the same house.

This is very important, if you are that afraid of him, you really need to impose on a friend and get out, now...I promise this will not end well for you if you don't.

I and others here have seen it time and time again.

[Jamie Haster]

Thank you for the advice.

[Jamie Haster]

Does anybody know if I can get a domestic violence restraining order even though I have never reported him? Or is there a different type of restraining order I should try and get. I'm in California. Is it ok for me to contact like a womens shelter will they be able to help? I feel like an idiot I need to be walked through this.

[pac201]

Contact the domestic violence hotline; 1-800-799-7233. The folks there will be able to guide you through what needs to be done.

Introduction - Domestic Violence

[Jamie Haster]

Thank you for your responses, I called the police immedietly after he hit me again. He was arrested and charged with a felony and I got a no contact order. I did have to go to the hospital :( but at least he went to jail and he can't contact me when he gets out.

[Ispbear]

I'm glad you called and are finally safe. Now may I suggest you seek some help for yourself because if you chose to go back to a man that was abusive, I would say it is safe to presume you have some personal issues you need to work on so you can have a productive relationship in the future.

[mcsap]

Thank you for your responses, I called the police immedietly after he hit me again. He was arrested and charged with a felony and I got a no contact order. I did have to go to the hospital :( but at least he went to jail and he can't contact me when he gets out.

A piece of paper doesn't always stop people from making contact , it just makes it illegal. Be prepared for him to violate the order. Take notes and call it in immediately. We can lock someone up right away for violating such an order.

[Jamie Haster]

Ok I am going to check out a support group next week. This scares me thinking he might try and contact me when he gets out. Is there anything else I can do? I don't want to have to always be scared that he's going to show up.

[Sgt. Slaughter]

Contact your local battered woman's shelter. You should find one easily with your Google-fu. They can walk you through anything else and will be knowledgeable of the available resources in your area.

[Samuel]

Thank you for your responses, I called the police immedietly after he hit me again. He was arrested and charged with a felony and I got a no contact order. I did have to go to the hospital :( but at least he went to jail and he can't contact me when he gets out.

Ditto on what mcsap said - a restraining order is only a piece of paper, it won't physically protect you and we can't be with you 24/7. You have to do what you have to do to ensure your safety.

I'm also assuming that you got an emergency protective order (EPO) which is only good for 5 business days - you need to go to your local superior court to get a temporary (longer term) restraining order (TRO). After you get the TRO, you need to have it served to the POS (proof of service filled out), then bring it (and proof of service) back to the court to have it stamped "legit", then make several copies of the "official" TRO. Keep a copy with you at all times, file a copy with your local LE agency and another if your work area is handled by a different agency, etc.

Now, IMnshO, do NOT allow this POS back into your life in ANY way. Don't recant allegations/statements. Don't downplay events. Don't drop charges. Don't ignore (violate) the TRO or have it "annulled". Don't let him sweet talk or grovel his way back into your good graces. Don't forget what he did to you. If you let him back, it will only get worse.

[pac201]

Ditto on what mcsap said - a restraining order is only a piece of paper, it won't physically protect you and we can't be with you 24/7. You have to do what you have to do to ensure your safety.

I'm also assuming that you got an emergency protective order (EPO) which is only good for 5 business days - you need to go to your local superior court to get a temporary (longer term) restraining order (TRO). After you get the TRO, you need to have it served to the POS (proof of service filled out), then bring it (and proof of service) back to the court to have it stamped "legit", then make several copies of the "official" TRO. Keep a copy with you at all times, file a copy with your local LE agency and another if your work area is handled by a different agency, etc.

Now, IMnshO, do NOT allow this POS back into your life in ANY way. Don't recant allegations/statements. Don't downplay events. Don't drop charges. Don't ignore (violate) the TRO or have it "annulled". Don't let him sweet talk or grovel his way back into your good graces. Don't forget what he did to you. If you let him back, it will only get worse.

+ 1, statistically it usually takes 7 times before a partner makes that decision; I don't know where you are in that respect, but make sure that you make that break.

Go to the website and look up the dynamics of domestic violence.

Good luck.