How should I handle this stalking situation?

[Una]

I am a resident of WA state.

I was dating a fellow last summer (2009) who was abusive. We were just together for a few weeks, during which time he assaulted me twice. (Edit: We had actually broken up before he assaulted me the 2nd time, but were still communicating. The assaults were sexual. And there was other physical violence both during the relationship and after. I actually still have an injury from last summer that hasn't completely healed.)

We broke up and did not speak for many months. Then, about a month ago, he re-entered my life and has been harassing me. He started out with phone calls and then showed up at my door. Because of the threats he was making at my door, I let him in and he pushed me against the wall and we exchanged words.

I didn't hear from him for a couple of weeks after that, but then he started to call me again today. I have not picked up the phone, but he has been leaving messages.

I've called 911 on numerous occasions and have spoke with officers a few times. However, the police won't write a report because they say what he's doing isn't a crime. Needless to say, I am scared and I need help understanding how to handle this situation and how to protect myself.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you!

[Samuel]

Some things you can do:

1. Kill his rabbits and boil them in a pot on his stove
2. File a police report for harassment - get a second opinion
3. Make him think you're crazier/more psycho than him
4. Get a restraining order
5. Get a dog or two
6. Hire a hitman
7. Set him up with someone you don't like
8. Get a new boyfriend and have him beat the idiot up
9. Buy, learn how to use, and carry a weapon(s)
10. Arrange for a hooker with some kind of nasty VD to pass it along to him
11. Change your number(s)
12. Train in Krav Maga and then kick his butt if/when he comes over
13. Move out of where you live
14. Give Lorena Bobbitt a call for hints/tips/advice

[retdetsgt]

If you never lived together, you probably can't get a restraining order. Can you block his calls on your phone?

If he comes back to your house, call the police right away and don't allow him in.

Refuse to talk or communicate with him and he'll lose interest after a while.

If he persists, you should probably see an attorney about getting a stalking order. Getting those isn't a police matter.

[GoDirectly2Jail]

He is craving the feeling he gets by having power over you. As RDS said, refuse ALL communication. That means ALL. Do not return his calls, do not speak to him or acknowledge his presence in any way.

Screen your calls, if you hear his voice on the voicemail, don't listen to it - just push delete. Do that every time.

If he shows up at your door, do not answer him or respond to him through the door IN ANY WAY. Instead, call the police as you would for ANY stranger banging on it.

Remember, if you talk to him, even if you are telling him to "stop calling" or to "go away", you are talking to him for those. If the point is that you don't want to talk to him, then talking to him is not the way to show that.

[Una]

The 2 of us have never lived together.

I don't answer his calls. I have let them all go to voice mail. It might ease things emotionally, though, if I did just delete them rather than listening to him, but I don't want to miss one of his threats, if that makes sense...

I am unable to block his calls to my cell. This is not something that is technically a possibility through my cell phone provider. And I don't actually have his phone # because he blocks it from the caller ID and I deleted it when we broke up.

And I've thought about talking to an attorney, but am unable to afford it and all of the ones I've been referred to for pro bono work claim they don't actually do pro bono work when I call to inquire...

The problem here is that the police seem to feel that I don't need to be reporting his calls and visits. And the 911 operator yesterday said she would report me if I keep calling w/ "non-emergencies." (And what is up w/ the 911 operators here ALWAYS putting people on hold before even finding out why they're calling? I mean, it's not a huge deal w/ something like this, I guess, but what if it was a medical emergency?) On a prior occasion, an officer in my town has threatened to have me prosecuted for wasting their time w/ "false reports." I'm not trying to have false reports filed... I guess I just honestly thought this type of thing warranted having reports filed. It would be nice to have some sort of paper trail other than my own little scribbled notes over here. It's frustrating when one officer doesn't file a report because then the next one I speak to is like, "Well, this is the first time you've ever called about it. Call back if it happens again." And then when I explain that I've called before, they act they think I'm lying and get all mad at me. And an officer has never once come out to my place. By the time the officer calls back (sometimes 5-6 hours later), the guy isn't at my door anymore.

And I keep getting told that because I rent an apartment, I don't own the property outside of the door or the door itself (which I understand), and so I have no right to complain about anyone banging on the door or shouting expletives at me through the door, or threatening sexual violence to me through the door, or threatening to post up certain things all over the door if I don't open it.

I'm at the point where I don't even see the point in calling 911 and working w/ the police. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and that's just causing more frustration. And the emotional energy I spend being frustrated is less emotional energy that I actually have to cope w/ this.

[retdetsgt]

I have no idea why the police aren't taking reports on threats, especially from your front door. We would here.

Talk to the apartment manager and see if they will exclude him from the property and sign a complaint if he comes anywhere on it.

Edited to add, see if your cell phone provider will change your phone number.

[Una]

Thanks for the taking the time to offer suggestions, retdtsgt.

I have spoke the apartment manager on multiple occasions. She has refused to get involved and says that I need to call 911. Although, maybe after she finds out what's going on right now, she'll change her mind...

So, not to be all Lifetime movie dramatic here, but he is at my door right now. He started banging on it and yelling @ 3:18 and he is still there. He is threatening to post up child pornography on my door if I don't open it. And while it's not legally my door, I'm not sure my apartment manager will see it that way where there's child porn. posted all over it. Eviction, anyone? He's also threatening to break in tonight while I'm sleeping and rape me. And I'm ignoring him... And just taking notes... I haven't spoken to him through the door or peeked around the curtains or anything.

I called 911 @ 3:19 and was placed on hold (prior to even being asked why I was calling). At 3:27 the operator came back to the line and I explained that my ex-boyfriend who has sexually assaulted me twice is at my door threatening to post pornography and to break in and rape me. She said that I need to stop calling about the same issue. I explained that I wasn't calling back about a previous incident, but that he is presently at my door. She took my # and said that she'll have an officer call me. No return call yet.

A couple of my neighbours have been out yelling at him to go away and have yelled that they're going inside to call 911. Unless the police officer is really super quiet, though, I don't think one has shown up yet.

I've also called the apartment manager and left a voice mail. I will probably hear back from her tomorrow.

I'm so frustrated! Grrr... =(

The good thing is that since my neighbours have seen him and are bothered by it, perhaps he'll be discouraged from coming back. And at least if he comes in and rapes me or something, they'll be witnesses that he threatened it. But the cops here won't take reports of rape directly either, so maybe that doesn't even matter.

But he's still there! And I know he knows I'm home because my car is parked out there...

Okay, going to go put on some classical music and just try to calm down...

[retdetsgt]

I would go to the local police station tomorrow and ask to speak to a supervisor or commanding officer. This makes no sense.

Keep some hair spray by the door and if gets in, spray his eyes with it. You know how much that hurts when you do it accidently.

[Legoate]

I have no idea why an officer isn't responding. In my jurisdiction it's not really up to the dispatchers what we respond to. They enter the calls as they are presented, and we decide what is unfounded after we get there.

Any unwanted presence on your front door would warrant a visit from an officer. I work for a large PD so it's not like we aren't busy and have nothing better to do.

Let him post some child porn on your door. Then call the child sex crime unit and let them know he did it.

[Una]

Okay, I will go down there tomorrow.

[Una]

------

[GoDirectly2Jail]

Um, okay...

[Una]

Okay, I apologize for my little outburst there and then deleting my stuff. I just kind of panicked for a bit about sharing so many details. I'm a little calmer now.

And I'm going to start at the beginning here, because otherwise it just seems kind choppy and doesn't make much sense probably. And I want to put it all into context.

So... I was victimized by a "syndicated sex ring" in the early 80s, when I was pretty young. And there were photos and videos taken, of both "posed shots" and of things actually happening. Many years after the actual abuse stopped, one of the guys involved contacted me and was just saying all kinds of nasty things and said that he'd posted all of the pictures on the internet.

A few years later, I was dating this guy and the issue of some of this stuff came up and he insisted that I report it (which was weird because he had a child porn habit himself that I discovered later). And when I wouldn't, he got really angry and hit me and then a day or so later faxed in a "report" to the police with my name on it. And the problem was that the report was completely inaccurate and was mostly made up and not even based on anything I'd told him. And so this detective checked it out and realized that it was full of made up stuff... She then came to my place of employment and talked to the HR people and I was suspended immediately for this false report that I hadn't even filed (It had been faxed from work... This guy and I worked together...). So, before they escorted me out of the building, this detective and her male sidekick pulled me into this conference room to talk to me and they wouldn't even hear me out. I explained that my boyfriend was abusive and that he got all mad when I wouldn't call the police and then kind of went off the deep end and made up this ridiculous version of what actually happened. And I gave them some details about what happened at the time, but they kept interrupting and didn't want to hear it.... And they didn't believe me and they told me that if I ever contacted them again with anything regarding child pornography that they would have me arrested for false reporting. And so I never pursued anything any further, even when I suddenly remember some detail that seems important or when something comes up...

So, then last May (2009) this guy found me online on this singles site and began pursuing me. And we saw each other a few times and then he raped me one night and I broke up w/ him. We kept in contact for awhile because he kept calling and apologizing... and then he said that he had these pictures of me. And I thought about calling the police, but I didn't want to get arrested and it's not like I had any evidence. And I kind thought that maybe he was just joking and trying to upset me.

Anyways... we eventually stopped talking altogether last October, and then everything started to happen that I described above. When I let him into my apartment before and he pushed me against the wall, he said that the reason I "deserve" this is because his fiancé just found the pictures and because it's me in the pictures, it's my fault that she just broke up w/ him...

Alright, so, he finally left this evening and I went outside to water my plants and get something out of my car.

Unfortunately, he did post pictures up all over my door and the front window and the side of the building. And they're all pictures of me. They're printed out on regular 8-1/2 X 11 printer photo paper and there are probably about 30 of them. I didn't count them. And I thought about just leaving them there for the cops to see, but since the cop probably won't even file a report, let alone stop by here, I have to be realistic... And I couldn't just leave them there... because:
1. There are children in the apartment complex and they shouldn't have to see stuff like that.
2. I was really humiliated.
3. I was afraid my apartment manager would see and evict me (even though the door, etc. isn't legally mine!!). And I'm broke right now and wouldn't be able to afford to pay 1st and last month's rent and security deposit on a new place, so I'd be homeless if I got evicted.
4. I was afraid the cops would actually come by and turn the whole thing around on me and arrest me for possession of child pornography. Although, that point is probably just paranoia since they are the ones who told me that the door, etc. isn't legally mine.

So, I took the photos down and brought them inside and cut them into pieces. But I've taken them out of the garbage now and am going to take them down to the police office tomorrow. But I'm going to leave the ones out that I threw up on (accidentally).

But I'm really scared to go because they never want to help me, and because they said before that they'd arrest me, and because I do happen to be in possession of child pornography at the moment. And it was probably really bad to cut them up but I just wanted to get rid of them... I didn't want to keep child porn around. I'm hoping they're not going to say that I tampered w/ evidence, but since they're the ones who didn't want to listen to me when I tried to give them the facts all those years ago and threatened to arrest me...

I didn't know what to do. And I'm still not sure what sure to do. I feel like I'm on this black list with the police here. I'm the only one I know who gets put on hold for 5+ minutes every time I call 911... And several years ago, my apartment got broken into and I had to talk to several different officers to get a report filed. And then when I tried to get a copy of it later, I was told that there was never a report, and that the incident # I had wasn't even valid, and that there was no record of me ever talking to anyone or even calling 911. And I'd called 911 several times that evening it happened...

It's like there's something really weird going on and I don't know what to do. I don't want to get into trouble and I just want this all to stop.

Oh, and an officer hasn't called me back yet. It's been 6 hours now since I called 911.

[Legoate]

Okay, I apologize for my little outburst there and then deleting my stuff. I just kind of panicked for a bit about sharing so many details. I'm a little calmer now.

And I'm going to start at the beginning here, because otherwise it just seems kind choppy and doesn't make much sense probably. And I want to put it all into context.

So... I was victimized by a "syndicated sex ring" in the early 80s, when I was pretty young. And there were photos and videos taken, of both "posed shots" and of things actually happening. Many years after the actual abuse stopped, one of the guys involved contacted me and was just saying all kinds of nasty things and said that he'd posted all of the pictures on the internet.

A few years later, I was dating this guy and the issue of some of this stuff came up and he insisted that I report it (which was weird because he had a child porn habit himself that I discovered later). And when I wouldn't, he got really angry and hit me and then a day or so later faxed in a "report" to the police with my name on it. And the problem was that the report was completely inaccurate and was mostly made up and not even based on anything I'd told him. And so this detective checked it out and realized that it was full of made up stuff... She then came to my place of employment and talked to the HR people and I was suspended immediately for this false report that I hadn't even filed (It had been faxed from work... This guy and I worked together...). So, before they escorted me out of the building, this detective and her male sidekick pulled me into this conference room to talk to me and they wouldn't even hear me out. I explained that my boyfriend was abusive and that he got all mad when I wouldn't call the police and then kind of went off the deep end and made up this ridiculous version of what actually happened. And I gave them some details about what happened at the time, but they kept interrupting and didn't want to hear it.... And they didn't believe me and they told me that if I ever contacted them again with anything regarding child pornography that they would have me arrested for false reporting. And so I never pursued anything any further, even when I suddenly remember some detail that seems important or when something comes up...

So, then last May (2009) this guy found me online on this singles site and began pursuing me. And we saw each other a few times and then he raped me one night and I broke up w/ him. We kept in contact for awhile because he kept calling and apologizing... and then he said that he had these pictures of me. And I thought about calling the police, but I didn't want to get arrested and it's not like I had any evidence. And I kind thought that maybe he was just joking and trying to upset me.

Anyways... we eventually stopped talking altogether last October, and then everything started to happen that I described above. When I let him into my apartment before and he pushed me against the wall, he said that the reason I "deserve" this is because his fiancé just found the pictures and because it's me in the pictures, it's my fault that she just broke up w/ him...

Alright, so, he finally left this evening and I went outside to water my plants and get something out of my car.

Unfortunately, he did post pictures up all over my door and the front window and the side of the building. And they're all pictures of me. They're printed out on regular 8-1/2 X 11 printer photo paper and there are probably about 30 of them. I didn't count them. And I thought about just leaving them there for the cops to see, but since the cop probably won't even file a report, let alone stop by here, I have to be realistic... And I couldn't just leave them there... because:
1. There are children in the apartment complex and they shouldn't have to see stuff like that.
2. I was really humiliated.
3. I was afraid my apartment manager would see and evict me (even though the door, etc. isn't legally mine!!). And I'm broke right now and wouldn't be able to afford to pay 1st and last month's rent and security deposit on a new place, so I'd be homeless if I got evicted.
4. I was afraid the cops would actually come by and turn the whole thing around on me and arrest me for possession of child pornography. Although, that point is probably just paranoia since they are the ones who told me that the door, etc. isn't legally mine.

So, I took the photos down and brought them inside and cut them into pieces. But I've taken them out of the garbage now and am going to take them down to the police office tomorrow. But I'm going to leave the ones out that I threw up on (accidentally).

But I'm really scared to go because they never want to help me, and because they said before that they'd arrest me, and because I do happen to be in possession of child pornography at the moment. And it was probably really bad to cut them up but I just wanted to get rid of them... I didn't want to keep child porn around. I'm hoping they're not going to say that I tampered w/ evidence, but since they're the ones who didn't want to listen to me when I tried to give them the facts all those years ago and threatened to arrest me...

I didn't know what to do. And I'm still not sure what sure to do. I feel like I'm on this black list with the police here. I'm the only one I know who gets put on hold for 5+ minutes every time I call 911... And several years ago, my apartment got broken into and I had to talk to several different officers to get a report filed. And then when I tried to get a copy of it later, I was told that there was never a report, and that the incident # I had wasn't even valid, and that there was no record of me ever talking to anyone or even calling 911. And I'd called 911 several times that evening it happened...

It's like there's something really weird going on and I don't know what to do. I don't want to get into trouble and I just want this all to stop.

Oh, and an officer hasn't called me back yet. It's been 6 hours now since I called 911.

I'm quoting you so next time you delete your text it won't disappear.

There is obviously WAY more history with that police department than you originally led us to believe. You have filed false reports with the department and wonder why they now won't come running to your aid.

You obviously have issues, most of which a local agency won't be able to help you with.

[greg72982]

Disregard