Common traits of abusers

[kristinjoanne]

Have any officers here noticed certain personality traits unique in men that abuse their wives? Is there a way to tell, other than a gut feeling that a suspect is more than likely an abuser?

[Kimble]

A lot of people who victimize others were victimized themselves (either directly, or witnessing someone else close to them) at some point in their past.

[kristinjoanne]

Without looking at a persons background, are there other indicators?Such as demeanor or attitude?

[retdetsgt]

Without looking at a persons background, are there other indicators?Such as demeanor or attitude?

Some people are obvious jerks, but a lot of abusive men are quite charming..... For a while. Ted Bundy comes to mind.

[Kimble]

Without looking at a persons background, are there other indicators?Such as demeanor or attitude?

If someone were able to determine truly good people from those who fake it for a while until you really get to know them, they'd be a millionaire overnight and put match.com out of business. With most people, when you first meet them they put on their "public" face. Only time shows someone's true colors, the key is to pay attention to red flags in someone's behavior and not dismiss them when you see them.

[kristinjoanne]

That makes sense. Just seems like a lot of the older officers here tend to just "know" when someone is an abuser. What would be some less than obvious red flags?

[DeltaV]

Someone is most likely to become verbally abusive to you before they become physically abusive. If they put you down constantly, are always pointing out your faults, and get angry easily then those should be red flags. Since alcohol is involved much of the time, avoid someone who comes off as being the "angry drunk." Also, someone who was brought up in an environment where there was domestic violence is more prone to engaging in the same behavior.

The most obvious red flag is past history, which is something that many people simply ignore. Someone who has been arrested for crimes of violence (especially domesic violence) obviously has a tendency to engage in the behavior.

[pac201]

The need to "know" where you are all the time, limiting your resources...you don't get any money because you don't need it.

The abuser will want to know who you're talking to, where you're going, how long you will be gone etc. and make rules for those activities ie you can talk to so and so for 15 minutes, if you go to the grocery store be back in 20 minutes...

The dynamics are all about control, the abuser feels the need to control everything in the victims life.

[retdetsgt]

S

The most obvious red flag is past history, which is something that many people simply ignore. Someone who has been arrested for crimes of violence (especially domesic violence) obviously has a tendency to engage in the behavior.

+1

All though not every abuser is male, a lot of women ignore obvious signs or they think they can change them. A lot of abused women believe if they adjust their behavior, everything will be fine too. Crazy people have a knack for making others think they are the ones that are nuts.

[kristinjoanne]

I dont know how the laws work in other states but in Maine the states the predominant aggressor must be identified and arrested.

In the cases where the allegations may be totally made up, and there is no evidence at the scene, does this mean that you must still identify the predominant aggressor and arrest someone? In this case, how would that work? If there is clearly no evidence that there had been any abuse, yet the women (or man) is insisting that it occurred still, how do you best deal with that kind of a situation?

Also in a case where officers are called to a domestic and the accused abuser has left, do you verify the abuse happened with the victim, and then find the abuser or do you find the abuser and let the DA deal with the rest?

I have noticed that in Maine we have a crazy high DV rate compared to other states and while researching for a paper last semester I read that a lot of the cases are false, usually made up over custody of children or an argument. How do you make yourself aware in those situations with little evidence that any abuse occurred, that the victim is possibly lying while still being fair to the victim in case she is not lying but at the same time being fair to the man who may not have done anything wrong except disagree with his significant other?

I know that in Maine a lot of call, actually most have to do with domestic calls. And most of them are the same couple every night. So I am curious about what the best way to respond would be since this will be a big part of what I am looking at dealing with in the future

As officers, do you tend to go to a scene automatically thinking the victim is telling the truth or can you actually go in thinking with a very open mind? I know what the book says your supposed to do but I am also under the understanding that things rarely go by the book. I guess I am looking for real life vs what the book says

[greg72982]

IMO you must keep an open mind on these calls. One of the negative aspects of mandatory arrest laws is the police have become a tool to get at your significant other. They get arrested and sometimes jailed, and the accuser can later simply drop the charges (at least in PA) with no repercussions if the police can't prove it was a false report, which is the case the vast majority of the time.

I have even scene cases where it was found the "victim" has caused an injury to themselves and stated the significant other did it.

Alot of times also, even when the abuse is legitimate, women will drop the charges because the male is their meal ticket.

[retdetsgt]

We have mandatory arrest laws, but we have to find at least a tiny bit of evidence supporting it other than she said, he said.

False charges aren't that common, refusing to follow up is. We formed a DV unit about 20 years ago to follow up on all arrests and try to support the complainant in continuing the process. A lot of them are afraid of the repercussions of what the abuser will do when he gets out so a lot of it is getting them and their children to someplace safe.

[kristinjoanne]

I was told by an officer here that he deals with the same people every night. Theres never really any new people to arrest. Its just the same people with the same exact problem as the night before. They arrest the guy and then an hour later the women bails him out of jail and he arrests both for violation the PO. Seems like the DV thing is a whole cycle of drama and routine.

How do you keep yourself from settling into a routine? Especially when dealing with the same abusers over and over again? When both parties mutually violate a protection order does it require that you arrest both parties?

[retdetsgt]

When both parties mutually violate a protection order does it require that you arrest both parties?

Yep.

My experience was the going to jail routine didn't last all that many times.

[kristinjoanne]

I am not sure about elsewhere but Ive had a couple officers saying it's to the point with some of the couples that
A: They're on a 1st name basis with half of the department
B: Its just so frequent that they show up and tell the guy he knows the drill, turn around and lets go and the guys ready to be cuffed before they even show up.

Keep in mind its a relatively rural area where I am from. Our Wardens are often the fist responders in more northern areas and not our police officers

How do you keep your self from getting so familiar with the same situation and people? I know everyone says when your in school always stay at least 50% tactical in your mind but is it actually as easy as that? essentially when its same crap different day?

And how do you deal with showing up to a domestic when in the rare case the abuser is a fellow officer? Or in the rarer case that it is a superior officer?...or any crime where another law enforcement officer is involved?

Sorry if I am asking way to many questions. I took a class on this and it just left way to many unanswered questions.