Rape a DQ?

[kristinjoanne]

I am currently attending college classes for law enforcement and conservation law. I haven't decided between the two yet but will be applying in October when I turn 21, or august hopefully for the Warden service here in Maine. The problem is I have a couple issues in my past, that I am not sure would DQ me or not...or possibly make it harder for a women going into a male dominated profession.

I was raped from the age of 6 until I was 16 on a regular basis as a child. I am not sure if there was any documentation of this since I lied and my uncle never went to jail for it. Dumb decision but its what my family wanted. would it be best to disclose this? or should I find out if there is any documentation first? I am not one to lie or purposely disclose information but I have been told by many friends in LE that I share to much.

That being said...When the abuse was happening I was stupid and started cutting myself. I stopped this at around age 12 but I have a couple small scars (they could very easily be something else). I have never been diagnosed with a mental health issue and I really do not have any as far as I know. I have talked to a therapist here and there but it was more to find understanding and sort out some feelings before they got out of hand. It has never been a thing to deal with a mental health issue but more to have an outlet so as I dont develop one. I have NO issues with my childhood abuse any more. Actually I am now good friend with my uncle. I made it a point to sort those things out with him and, while I'm not sure there is any kind of medical record, him and I have sorted things out with a mental health professional.

I have never been in any trouble with LE. I haven't been in trouble in school since one time in the like 3rd grade. As I stated before (not trying to sound rude) I am in college for law enforcement with a 3.8 GPA and I fit in very well with the male officers that work with us. I do the ride a longs and I know it will be different when I actually get there but I am loving every minute of it. I have always wanted to do this since I was a small child.

I guess my concern is that I do not know if it'll be a DQ if I do disclose the information. I could not disclose it but I would not feel right about that. I guess I am looking for advise on how to best handle disclosing these things because it is something that could easily be discovered and I try to be as honest as I can. Would it come up in an oral bored or medical exam?

Sorry for ranting. trying to put as much of the situation out there as I can as to get the best advise =)

[Kimble]

First, let me make one point clear: being a victim of a crime does NOT disqualify you from anything job-wise in law enforcement. I doubt you'd be asked if you've been victimized, and if you are, be honest, but being the victim of a sex crime is not your fault. Regardless of what you may have been told by your victimizer, or lead to believe over time, being the victim of a sex crime is NOT your fault. I don't agree that having a "friendship" with your rapist (family member or not) being a good idea, but that's ultimately your call and you have to live your own life.

If this has induced psychological issues that would be prevent you from being a cop (and the cutting and befriending your rapist could be evidence of this), it could hold you back from becoming a cop. I'm sure all of this has caused some deep, scarring psychological issues (and no one would hold it against you if it has, as sexual crimes are particularly taxing on the mental and emotional well-being of the victim), however, I'm certain there may be some avenues within the criminal justice field where you may be able to help others (juvenile counseling, victim services, etc.).

In summation, I'm not saying this will keep you from becoming a cop, but psychological issues are considered in the hiring process. Either way, good luck and do what you can to live your life to the fullest!

[kristinjoanne]

I dont really agree with being friendly with him. Phil and I are only friendly to keep the peace in the family since they're all on his side with this. Which I really could care less. Unless they look into family history? I am a far cry from the rest of them, both my brother and I have gone our own ways. How much does family/relationship history effect the background check?

I really would like to be in a k9 unit eventually. I Dont have any issues with it anymore, though as a kid I did. My attitude is that it is what it is. I cant change it and I couldn't stop it so why get upset.

I am just concerned that I would be wrong to not mention it in the app process...is it something to keep to myself unless they ask? Ive got my heart set on K9 State Trooper or Game Warden. I just really dont want to feel like I am being dishonest by not disclosing it.

[GoDirectly2Jail]

Well said! Great reply.

[retdetsgt]

I am just concerned that I would be wrong to not mention it in the app process...is it something to keep to myself unless they ask? Ive got my heart set on K9 State Trooper or Game Warden. I just really dont want to feel like I am being dishonest by not disclosing it.

It's irrelevant to the hiring process. Having worked sex crimes for a lot of years, I can assure you that Kimble is correct in his post. The fact that you feel it so important to talk about it to a potential employer concerns me that you do still have issues with it.

Have you seen a therapist? If not, I would highly recommend it. What may come up is something in the psych test that tells them you have some unresolved problems.

I see you did see a therapist, sorry. But it still sounds like this isn't nearly resolved for you.

[kristinjoanne]

I haven't seen one on the record no. Ive talked to a cop I attend classes with and he got me in touch with a therapist he sees and I've talked to him a little off the record. Maybe I do still have issues with it but I do not feel it is an issue that would effect my ability to do the job. (he doesn't feel my past or emotions would either but he is unsure about their med DQ's)

My concern comes from the scars I have, since a couple cops have asked me about them. They're old, from when I was like 10 or so. But they are noticeable in a medical exam. Also I am not sure if the police records are there from the whole thing or not. How long are reports kept if no charges are brought?

If I was to see a therapist, on the record, on a regular basis, would it hurt my chances? I am a very happy, content person. I love every moment of life and I very rarely get down. I have heard so many sides. From cops dont see shrinks, to its part of the job. The I get a lot of no ideas

Ive never set my sights on anything other than law enforcement. I have never thought about not being a police officer or a game warden so I am not prepared to give up so easily because of something beyond my control. I just do not want to run into trouble if I dont mention it and it comes out in a background check.

A friend just went through an oral bored and they asked him if he had been "involved" with LE in a negative way. I hadn't thought anything of any of this until he started asking questions about the scars and the past. Maybe he got me worried about a mountain when I am really dealing with a mole hill.

As far as feeling that its important to mention it doesn't really come from any issues so much as being worried about NOT disclosing it. Honestly its half the reason I want to do what I want to do. I am a person that likes to help others. I was raped as a child. I know what that is like and it seems like its natural for me to want to work in a profession that helps people. I'd rather try and turn a negative experience into something positive. I've been through it and I never turned to drugs or alcohol and I've never been in trouble. I guess best way to say it is that I am not ashamed of it. But the fact is that it is still there. It's possibly still on record if it was ever actually put into a police report.

As far as a psych test, that isn't a big deal. I got one for the military and I passed it. I was completely honest with the guy, maybe even to honest. Where do you draw the line between honesty and to much honesty? Mention or dont mention? Maybe I dont see the difference between those things. I have asked the officers I see in class and who teach some of them and all I get is "you'll see when you get some time under your belt"

IF I see someone will it be a game over? Or will it help me prove I am dealing with it effectively? Not really clear on the position of LE and therapy...some say it shows weakness and others say its the opposite. I guess I am confused on that.

I've got my heart set on k9.

[Kimble]

IF I see someone will it be a game over? Or will it help me prove I am dealing with it effectively? Not really clear on the position of LE and therapy...some say it shows weakness and others say its the opposite. I guess I am confused on that.

I've got my heart set on k9.

Kristin,

This may not be what you want to hear, but I'm not asking this to make things more difficult. I understand you want to become a cop - and I'm not saying it's out of the cards for you - but this is an issue you need to work through so that it doesn't affect you (to whatever level it still does, as I don't know you in person) for the rest of your life. Do what is best for you over the long term, and seek some professional help over this. Child sex crimes are serious mental mind f**ks, I know this because I've seen firsthand how kids are affected by this. I've had the pleasure of putting some pedophiles behind bars, but I've also had the opportunity (which is more of a curse than a blessing) to see how this stuff destroys family, particularly the child victims. Granted it's been years ago for you, and hopefully you've worked through a good bit of this on your own, but as retdetsgt noted, it's blatant to those of us somewhat familiar with these crimes that you still have issues to overcome, and you're mental and emotional wellbeing over your lifetime are more important than whether you become a K9 cop. What good is becoming a cop if you have a mental breakdown due to something you experience on the job and have to be medically retired, as you still won't be a cop at that point? If you're going to become a cop, do so after having worked through these issues completely so they don't come back to haunt you when you experience some of the s**t we have to endure in this line of work.

As I said before, good luck to you.

[retdetsgt]

We have no idea if it's game over. But the person most concerned about it will probably always be you.

I endured some pretty heavy physical abuse as a kid. It was something that I never announced to anyone because I didn't see it relevant to anything. When I was assigned to sex crimes/child abuse, yeah it hit some sore spots. I was arresting people for what my mother did to me that I had thought was normal. Although I made a promise I would never hit my kids and I never did. Did it affect my job? Nope.

About 5 years ago, I ran into a woman who's rape case I investigated over 20 years prior and sent her rapist to prison. She was in her mid 20's at the time and when I saw her, she was nearly 50. We found we had a mutual friend and sat and talked for a long time. It took me about 10 minutes to realize that she was still that rape victim after all these years. I met with her several more times and she kept telling me how she was over it, etc., but that was all she could talk about. I convinced her to see someone and gave her the name of a couple of women therapists that I knew and respected. I saw her again about 6 months ago and we talked for over an hour. Never once did she mention the rape. I think it worked.

BTW, seeing a therapist for that would not be a DQ. It would no doubt make you a better candidate. But I can tell you from experience that things that happen to you as a young person, (abuse, war) can come back in spades and devastate your life, your relationships, all the things that are most important in the world.

Good luck.

[kristinjoanne]

I understand I probably do not see it...stopping my own self destruction was of my own doing. I appreciate your responses, and I do understand that you are not trying to be difficult And your right, it really isn't what I wanted to hear but it is definitely what I needed and was looking for because I really did not know what to expect for an answer. I want the issue taken care of before it becomes an issue. So thank you for putting the suggestion out there

There is a guy that my professor is good friends with that specializes in dealing with victims and law enforcement so I will probably give him a call and take that route.

Ill be 21 in October. My ALERT test and PT test will be good to go next month and Ill be able to start applying in October. I'm way ahead of schedule to finish college so really I have everything set to go except the therapy stuff.

Thanks for the advise. =) I appreciate ya'll taking the time to read my long rambling posts and answer my questions

~ Kristin

[retdetsgt]

There is a guy that my professor is good friends with that specializes in dealing with victims and law enforcement so I will probably give him a call and take that route.

~ Kristin

I wish I'd done it a couple of marriages prior.

[kristinjoanne]

lol I am sure if I was married I would have needed it along time ago

[tcop733]

Seeking counseling is NOT a sign of weakness. Childhood trauma can come back to haunt you later in life....if not dealt with appropriately.
While a young adult it seems like you're unbreakable, invincible, unaffected, but if left unchecked; stressors in your life can manifest later.
Never know, you could go in and the counselor could tell you all is well, you've dealt with it properly, get on with your life.
Taking a few months out of your young life to seek therapy could set the stage for a very happy life personally and professionally.

[kristinjoanne]

thanks for the advice. Ya'll are right. The stuff is gonna come crashing down around me and probably sooner than later. Ill give it a shot.

[retdetsgt]

thanks for the advice. Ya'll are right. The stuff is gonna come crashing down around me and probably sooner than later. Ill give it a shot.

Good. The fact you mentioned in another thread that you had an ex who would have "kicked your @ss" says maybe the men you're attracted to might be a bit warped......

Good luck.

[kristinjoanne]

I would have to agree with that statement. In the past my choices of men were not the best choices. Hence the reason I am single, staying that way and focusing on myself my child and my career >.> took an annoyingly persistent guy from the local pd to make me realize I could be happy alone.

Been single over a year and i'm happier this way