18 tomorrow. Can I kick him out?

[humor me]

My son turns 18 tomorrow. He has been driving me absolutely bonkers for the last year. His motto is "Question Everything" which includes why he needs to contribute to the upkeep of the household. When he moved in with me 3 years ago (his father's request), I explained to him from the beginning that I could barely keep up my end of the household duties, and I'll be darned if I was going to do his too. Its been a struggle to survive ever since.

He graduates in about 6 weeks, but he has no car, no driver's license and no job. He doesn't want to try for any of the jobs around here because they would be "too boring". I figure if he wants extras, he's going to have to earn them himself the same way his sisters did.

There's also the matter of getting himself packed and to the airport so he can actually MAKE it to college.

The last two paragraphs are the only reason I haven't shipped him back to his father earlier (and the fact that his father won't take him).

I've had it up to here, and I was wondering if I can lock the door behind him tomorrow when he leaves for school?

[retdetsgt]

You can, but let him finish school first. Then give him the boot.

[Joeyd6]

You can, but let him finish school first. Then give him the boot.

Ditto. That way he at least finishes!

[humor me]

Okay, you talked me into it. If you have any suggestions on HOW I survive the next 6 weeks, I'm open to them. Please feel free to PM me. Every day it gets harder and harder not to beat the living sh!t out of him. I figure I have survived this long with a clean record. No point in having domestic violence on my record now.

[JakeLock]

In NY you can just kick them out? No civil process? Wow, that must be nice. Here if they have lived there for "a length of time" (yeah, it's worded pretty similar to that) they have set up residency and fall under certain guidelines. Even a child regardless of age must be issued a notice to quit, then if they don't leave the parent would have to go through the eviction process... Homeowners and land lords really get screwed up here.

[counihan]

In NY you can just kick them out? No civil process? Wow, that must be nice. Here if they have lived there for "a length of time" (yeah, it's worded pretty similar to that) they have set up residency and fall under certain guidelines. Even a child regardless of age must be issued a notice to quit, then if they don't leave the parent would have to go through the eviction process... Homeowners and land lords really get screwed up here.

Same here in Florida...if that is where your son resides, he has what is called a "right to residency" and you would need to go through the eviction process here (takes about a month). But, that is if he isn't willing to find another place to live on his own. If this is the same case where you live, I suggest there be some kind of communication between the two of you before considering that option, since having an eviction on paper will not help his scenario. Good luck.

[Silver Fox]

My son turns 18 tomorrow. He has been driving me absolutely bonkers for the last year. His motto is "Question Everything" which includes why he needs to contribute to the upkeep of the household. When he moved in with me 3 years ago (his father's request), I explained to him from the beginning that I could barely keep up my end of the household duties, and I'll be darned if I was going to do his too. Its been a struggle to survive ever since.

He graduates in about 6 weeks, but he has no car, no driver's license and no job. He doesn't want to try for any of the jobs around here because they would be "too boring". I figure if he wants extras, he's going to have to earn them himself the same way his sisters did.

There's also the matter of getting himself packed and to the airport so he can actually MAKE it to college.

The last two paragraphs are the only reason I haven't shipped him back to his father earlier (and the fact that his father won't take him).

I've had it up to here, and I was wondering if I can lock the door behind him tomorrow when he leaves for school?

Who's the father of the boy and in what way are the two of you related?
In your above comments, you call him your son, then you talk about sending him back to his father.

In view of what you've said, this boy needs to grow up. Colleges don't change a kid's attitude and many times makes it worse. If I were you, I would try to encourage him to enlist in the military. A hitch in one of the branches of service would do the boy good, change his attitude plus make a man of him at the same time. He could continue his education in the military at the goverment's expense, then after serving 4 years he would come out fully mature and well prepared to take his place in society.

[humor me]

Who's the father of the boy and in what way are the two of you related?
In your above comments, you call him your son, then you talk about sending him back to his father.

His father is my ex. My ex now has a new family with small children (not his own) and really doesn't want him back because at the time, he was living in an apartment and didn't have the room.

In view of what you've said, this boy needs to grow up. Colleges don't change a kid's attitude and many times makes it worse. If I were you, I would try to encourage him to enlist in the military. A hitch in one of the branches of service would do the boy good, change his attitude plus make a man of him at the same time. He could continue his education in the military at the goverment's expense, then after serving 4 years he would come out fully mature and well prepared to take his place in society.

I 100% agree with you. If I could drop him off at any recruiter and say "Here! He's all yours!", I would. Nothing his sisters, father or I say to him gets through.

He has this fairy-tale view of how the world is going to be when he goes to college. He says he can't multi-task (he tells me he can't even make dinner and take the trash out at the same time), and he thinks that his job as a video game programmer/producer is going to involve just sitting at a desk, writing code, and making up games.

His dad and I have agreed that he must have a job through college to help cover costs. He thinks he's going to walk into the nearest Game Spot (or whatever) and be hired. He doesn't want to do anything he doesn't think he would enjoy. Well, whaaaaa! I've had to do plenty of jobs that weren't my first choice. He just DOESN'T GET IT and nothing we say seems to get the point across. He thinks he's special apparently, and the rules of the world won't apply to him. Boy does he have another think coming!

He needs a serious reality check, but I don't know how to give it to him short of kicking him out, or moving out myself. I already have plans to move and I'm starting to pack. He's mad about the stuff I want to keep for myself (like movies) and the stuff I'm giving away (like the bedroom set in his room). I don't want to be there at the last minute trying to get rid of this stuff. I need my security deposit to move, and I'm making darn sure I'm getting it.

Sorry to have ranted on through this. Like I said, I'm at my wit's end trying to deal with him. He's going to hate me for awhile (maybe a long while), but I'm not going to be around to pick him up forever. He needs to get his sh!t together and I'm just trying to emphasize that it needs to be done sooner rather than later.

[retdetsgt]

The best way to handle it is just not take it personally. Try to sort between whether or not what he's doing or not doing is really affecting you. If he hasn't "gotten it" yet, he's not going to from you so you just as well quit trying. You've tolerated him this long, you can do 6 more weeks. But letting him finish school is taking the high road and I've learned that in life, that's always the best way to go.... After that, whether or not he goes to college or ends up on the street is his business. And you're going to have to learn to let that part of his life go too.

These guys are right about the eviction process, I imagine it's the same everywhere. Moving would be the easy way to handle it.

[BJJVad]

His dad and I have agreed that he must have a job through college to help cover costs. He thinks he's going to walk into the nearest Game Spot (or whatever) and be hired. He doesn't want to do anything he doesn't think he would enjoy.

Good news..

Rockstar Games' has their headquarters in Broadway NYC. Get him a train ticket so he can go fill out an application for a customer service position. I have known a few people that have moved themselves around in a large gaming company after getting either a "Temp" spot, or customer service position.

You will have to explain to him the reality side of this. Start at the bottom and work his way to the top.

The only way he would get hired by one of these large companies would be at the recommendation of some well known people or schools.

Showing some interest to something he enjoys may spark an interest that is beneficial to the both of you. Then again, it could be an excuse to stay home and play video games all day.

[humor me]

Good news..

Rockstar Games' has their headquarters in Broadway NYC.

Oh no... that's not good enough. He has his heart set on working for EA Games in CA.

Showing some interest to something he enjoys may spark an interest that is beneficial to the both of you. Then again, it could be an excuse to stay home and play video games all day.

I tried that. I'm not up to his speed, so I'm "lame". I have fully encouraged him to follow his dream. If it weren't for my interference with his dad, he wouldn't be going to this college that specializes in video game design. He seems to have forgotten that.

I do watch him play sometimes, but I prefer the real world. I can't just sit there and watch a car race around a track over and over and over and not get bored. Plus, he's allowed to talk about his game-life ad-nauseum, but if I bring up my hobby of needlework, I'm shut down instantly. Courtesy goes both ways.