Yesterday, I was offered an overtime shift at a different branch location of my workplace. I show up, and lo and behold, I am working with this guy I had a bunch of classes with my frosh year in college. He is a great guy, we'll call him Joe, and we shoot the crap for a while, catching up. We used to hang out quite a bit, study groups and such, then when I left the particular school I was at we kind of lost touch. He is really excited to hear about the academy starting up for me in a week. I ask him if he has been applying, and he just looks away and almost starts to cry. (He has basically wanted to be an LEO since he was little).
So the story goes like this...when I knew him, he had been dating a girl, "Jane" for about a year. They seemed MADLY in love, the only times I didn't see her with him were class and study groups...otherwise, at movies, etc, she was there. He would talk to me about how he felt about her...how he's never felt this way, how he wants to marry her, etc. Now for guys, this wasn't just bragging about how hot she is or whatever...he genuinely thought she was the one. She seemed the same way. I guess when they were 19, they up and got married...the whole deal: ceremony, both their families present, etc. All seemed well.
Then I guess things started breaking down...this is almost a reversal of the whole "poor, tough kid from a rough life marries beautiful, affluent white girl" story. Joe comes from wealth, and he didn't have to work a day of his college life, but he did anyway. Yes he always had a significant amount of cash in his possession, but you wouldn't know it unless you were a friend of his. He didn't show it or make it apparent to strangers, but if you were his friend, he would never let you go hungry. Go to the movies, need a few bucks? "ah, it's on me bro...I insist, I know you're good for it." kind of thing...even if he never even really had expectations you would pay his back. He was just a genuinely good guy, never wanted any of his friends to think because he was wealthy he was inaccessible. He was one of the best people I knew, and he lavished the same attention on his bride-to-be. Jane, on the other hand, was like any other poor college girl with overworked parents. She struggled to make ends meet with tuition and rent with a part-time job with campus admin, but like any stupid college student blew a lot of her money on stupid things like throwing in on a keg, or just eating out all the time. I guess when they were married, she AND her mom expected Joe to be her [rich] knight in shining armor. Now Joe is not a door mat...he is a fiscally saavy guy, and knows that money is ALWAYS finite. Sure, he was generous, and likes to help out his friends, but money does not get spent frivolously, and we that considered him a friend never wantonly took advantage of him for it. Jane, however, had different ideas. When they moved in together, she caused a lot of arguments, saying how they had enough money, why didn't they get a better place? We have enough money, let's get a different car? (Joe drove a 95 Grand Am with it's share of problems) It concerned him I guess that she was referring to not his money, but his FAMILY'S money as "ours". He had no problem working to support his new bride, but his parents work hard to be as affluent as they are, and he doesn't like them providing too much when he has a job. He appreciates their help, but he does NOT need cash for a new place or a new car. Jane, and his brand new mom-in-law, do not understand this. I guess mom in law starts calling everyday, why aren't you providing for my daughter, blah blah blah. Nevermind that he is a college student with parents rich enough that he has no need to work EVER, but still works 50 hours a week anyhow to be independent, that is not good enough. According to his wife and MIL, he should be mooching some good money to get his wife nice things. This escalates into him dropping her off at her parents' house less than a year later, and saying he couldn't do this anymore, and he wanted a divorce.
A couple months go by, months filled with hateful calls from Jane and her family. Finally, Jane calls up crying, wanting to talk things out. Joe knows it won't get better, but he gives into her crying and goes over, because a part of him still loves her, still remembers the good times, and does not want to hear her cry. So he goes, if only to make peace. Well, it turns out to be the same old thing...catching up with her turns into arguing. They scream at eachother for a bit, and he walks out. She follows him and screams all the way to his car. He leaves.
Okay, so sometime after he left apparently, Jane gives herself a split lip and calls the police. She files a report and says that Joe hit her, and he now turns himself in when the police call to question him. Now, I have tried to convey what Joe is like...I can't say much more except that I ADAMANTLY believe this to be a lie. Why you say? Because as the months went on in their marriage, she apparently showed disdain and mockery at his goals to become an LEO. Apparently, just before he drove off she yelled "Good luck becoming a PIG!". And knowing Joe to be one of the most non-violent people I have ever known, I refuse to believe he hit her. I know it as much as I can...I realize that doesn't mean much, but if I have to choose a camp to pitch my tent in, it is his. The judge apparently agreed, but still convicted him of Disturbing the Peace -- Domestic Violence. She said she saw nothing in him that would mark him as violent, and ruled in his favor on the assault charge, but had to give him the conviction for DtP for their yelling match. Good luck becoming an LEO, indeed... :( It has ruined his aspirations. He has basically given up, on advice of lawyers, etc. But I refuse to let him now...is their ANY way to get this expunged? Or any way to get the DV tag taken off the DtP charge? I realize he would still have to put some years between himself and that DtP charge, but the DV tag DQ's him for LIFE from LEO status and even owning a firearm. (Correct me if I am wrong on that one...) I don't know anyone who would make a more patient and caring LEO than this guy, and it seems as if his ex purposely wanted to crush his dream in vengeance. He now has his heart set on working with troubled kids, possibly a juvie probation officer or something...but I know his heart still wants to be an LEO. He has worked for the county since he was 16, and wants to give back. Any advice?


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