What would you say to my LEO friend...

[GMan26]

This weekend I was hanging out with my LEO bud - he was having a small party at his apt. There were three other LEOs there (all 28-30yrs old). My bud is 29. Well we got on the topic of money. And he starts to sulk and say, "I didn't make it into the State Police or ******(town). Looks like I'm stuck in the ****ty city making elephant food" I asked him what the prob is and he says, "No overtime authorized, I get spit on, put down by cits and officers alike, everytime I draw my Wilson I think I'm going to get into a gun fight, I have no girl, I have no life, I have no car (it broke down), I have credit card debt that scares me, I AM SO FED UP!" he kinda scared me as he started to punch the wall...

I guess he was hoping to get hired as a State Trooper and make at least 40k - or this suburb and make 50k but for whatever reason they didn't take him. He thinks its because the city PD has such a bad rep.

He finally said something like, "I think I'm going to look for a different line of work. I love working as a cop but there is no advancement potential and the pay is only 28k and I'm already working at Barnes & Noble part time and I'm barely making it by - I could ask my parent's for help but they'll just say I told you so"

He seems depressed now, its weird. He use to tell me all these stories, etc... and be laughing and be all into it but he was almost in tears and asking me if I would be able to get him a decent job where I work. I told him if he likes what he's doing then don't give up. Try another PD that pays more.

I don't know - what would you tell him?

[Jynkxxie]

Sometimes these things are just phases...we all go thru the same thing. Maybe he does need an adjustment though. I would try to help him out with work the best I could but insist that he still look for work in his field. I mean he does not sound like it is the field that is bothering him, it is the money, and that can wear on ya after a while.

[GMan26]

He brought up $$$ a few times but this past weekend I thought he had tears in his eyes and then he started to punch the wall real hard and everyone was like, "What the..."

I think the fact that his car just broke down (alternator is toast), and the fact I guess he has an outrageous amount of credit card debt... maybe he feels trapped or something.

I feel for him because not only is he walking the streets for low pay he has to go out and work at a book store - and this is not his day off, he gets off an early shift twice a week only to run to the mall to work at the bookstore till 11pm. At least the next day he doesn't start till 4pm.

The girl thing is bothering him also. They don't seem to want to "stay" with him...

[Jynkxxie]

Well that could be a lot of different reasons but not knowing him I cannot speak on that. I think he just needs a change of pace.

[Orleander]

....and then he started to punch the wall real hard and everyone was like, "What the..."

..The girl thing is bothering him also. They don't seem to want to "stay" with him...

I've actually broken up with guys for doing just that.

Since he is single with no children, it should not be a problem to relocate and get a better job. He has so many options, but seems to be in a rut. Help him find LEO positions that are available. Maybe he will find that he either doesn't have it so bad, or he will find his dream job.
Some states have free credit card counseling also. That could help relieve some of his stress. And alcohol is a depressant, so that doesn't help.

[scootsmo]

Tell your friend to get some help now before it is too late. Trust me, all of us, as LEO's, know exactly what he is going through. I don't think we really got into this job for the money. Sounds like he is taking the job too personal. Once you start doing that then maybe it might be time to look elsewhere. Sometimes this job gets really tough emotionally and that is the time when it helps to have someone to come home to. Sounds like your friend doesn't have that luxury. That is why he should get some independent counseling to help him with his problems.

[sparrow803]

Doesn't matter if you're a cop, a doctor, or a secretary. If you feel trapped, and are as depressed as he sounds, it's time to sit down and make some decisions. Calling a credit counselor is a good start, sometimes they can arrange smaller payments with credit card companies with less interest too. For instance, if you owe 1500.00 500.00 of which is interest, they can offer them 1200 - then you work toward paying that off. As far as the job, get the resume updated, and send em out everywhere, if nothing else it makes you feel better because you are at least doing something and not just sitting in the rut feeling sorry for yourself. As far as the girl problem, my guess is if he is that depressed and unhappy it probably flows into his relationships too, and that can be hard to handle in a new relationship. Maybe get the rest of his life on track then seek out a long term relationship.

[GMan26]

He told me he tried something called Consolidated Debt Services (I think) and they ripped him off or something. There is some kind of hidden fee he did not know about. He started to get calls from his credit cards saying, "You are not paying enough on your min. payment a month" he found out the service was taking a certain percentage of the monthly payment to be disbursed and that it wasn't even covering the min. monthly payments. He says all those credit counseling, etc... is a scam. So he backed out of it.

I feel kinda bad because he keeps saying I made him buy a $1900 handgun. Ok I kinda feel guilty about it but he's the one that layed down the plastic. ugh....

As for the girl thing - he says most of them get turned off that he is a cop. I don't know, I was gonna say what about dating another cop? He looked at me and said, "uh NO".

I'll hopfully see him at a party this Sunday. I'll have a little talk w/him.

[Stump]

Ok, G.... give him my phone number, and I'll talk to him.
What he is feeling is VERY common in this field, and everyone goes through it.
I can help him with his work issues, the financial part of things (I'm a whiz with money, and also went to school for accounting), and the girl issues.
Seriously. I'll give you my phone number and you can have him call me. Or email is fine too.

[ferriscj24]

Stump, that is very thoughtful of you!!

By the way, G, is this a large city he works with? If so, could you say as to which department? I am thinking of joining a big city department myself, so I am just a little curious

[christrue]

Please wish him well for me. If he is suffering, I am
very sorry to hear that.

Perhaps others in my area would get in contact with him
and give him sage advice.

[JudgeDredd]

G: Ask him if his dept has an in house program (or if his insurance covers it). But have him get help. This is a common problem and can be treated; but Iv'e seen what happens when it isn't. He might also look into getting a part time job as well. If he lives in a city with a federal courthouse, tell him to go by and ask for an application for a Court Security Officer. These are contract positions through the USMS and pay an average of around $20 an hour. You have to be or have been a commissioned police officer to get in, so he should qualify and many hire part time. Hope this helps.

[GMan26]

I emailed him Stump about what you said, he hasn't called me or replied. I'll let you know but I am pretty sure he'll get pissed off at me if he ever found out I posted this on the internet! Let me see what he has to say - I don't want to piss him off.

He does work a part time job at a book store if you can believe this. I think its kinda strange but he says its a "good meetin' ground to find hot chicks and it pays decent and its easy work." He likes to read books and magazines on guns, music, war, etc... so I guess that's why he likes it there.

Again, he dug his own grave by using evil credit cards like a mad man when he was in college (he didn't finish BTW) and even today he still uses them... He thinks other PDs denied him was because of the college issue. He doesn't think its the credit issue but you never know...

[Henry_1097]

I hope everything works out for him. As far as the credit card thing, I know someone who was d.q'ed becuase of their bad credit. Maybe that's it?

[GMan26]

No idea, I talked to him briefly last night and he had nothing to say. He's getting defensive that I'm "trying to help" so I'm backing off. He has an attitude now. The thing that worries me is he kinda snaps at me now. Like punching the table (over the phone!) or just turning "red" in the face. Maybe there is something else going on with him.

He asked me if I could sell his Wilson Combat CQB online to see if he can make $1500 cash. He says he'll go out and buy a cheap used Kimber to carry on duty and if the thing jams then "oh well". I don't know man, he's acting wacky.

You mean they can let you go if you are in severe debt???? He doesn't gamble and he drinks socially... Man, maybe someone at the dept. had a talk with him. He's no longer on SWAT duty and he won't talk about why...

oh well, only he can help himself...