Advice needed

[sherrylynn98]

Here is my story...My boyfriend and daughter is living w/me. He and his wife are going through a bad divorce, she has thier son and he has his daughter. She is not a very nice person, and to say the least not happy w/her daughter w/me, cause now she is very happy (no more fighting ect). Anyway here is my question, my boyfriend works out of town alot, currently away, and the mother is telling the daughter that she cannot stay w/me, she is threating to call the police and report her as a runaway! There is no custody papers yet, still in the works. My question is, can she come home and not get into any trouble. The last couple days she has stayed at her Grandmas cause she is afraid of what will happen. She is 16 yrs old. W/out the custody papers, can she come back home where she belongs, or can I get in trouble?
Thanks for any help!

[txinvestigator1]

Your poor grammar and over use of pronouns makes that very difficult to decipher; let me try.

You are shacking up with a man who is not even divorced. Your boyfriend's daughter is living with you and your honey(who is another woman's husband) . Your boyfriend's wife does not want HER daughter living with you when her HUSBAND (with whom you are shacking up ) is not at your house.

Does that about sum it up? How can a woman with ANY self respect and sense of decency allow this to happen?

The mother of that child can certainly report her as a runaway, and you should not even entertain the idea of having her in your home against the wishes of the child's MOTHER.

Good Grief.

And your house is not that girl's home. It is simply where her dad is doing some women who means nothing to the daughter.

Please tell me you have had your tubes tied.

[retdetsgt]

Until he gets custody settled, she can come and get the daughter if her father isn't there.

He needs to get to court and get some sort of separation orders filed.

[MountainMan]

Until he gets custody settled, she can come and get the daughter if her father isn't there.

He needs to get to court and get some sort of separation orders filed.

What he said.

In addition if the childs father lives at the residence a 16 year old is capable of taking care of themselves or being left with a responsible adult overnight etc.

I can't imagine if the mother is aware that the child is at the home where she resides on a regular basis that she could be reported as a runaway without filing a false report with law enforcement.

But I refer to the above post. He really needs to get things going and get a custody agreement. How long have they been seperated? Thats usually done in 2 weeks to a month.

[sherrylynn98]

Thank you for the useful advice. This mother was the type raising the children, she was never around, always took off and their Father raised them. His attorny is working on the papers for custody, but has been verbally agreed that he has his daughter and she has the son for now. The mother is extremely rude to her daughter, and very hurtful, the only reason she will not let her stay w/me, is because I make him happy. They were not together for two years, then prior to us, he let her move back in for the childrens sake, which he now knows was a huge mistake. We are not "shacking" up together, and his daughter is like my own and is treated this way. My only concern was her and me having problems if she was here while he was out of town. When he gets back to town, I will make sure he has the paperwork completed prior to this ever happening again, the only one who has to suffer w/all this is his daughter, she wants to just come home!

For the first reply, you should not judge people, you jump to too many conclusion and could not be further from the truth! This guy is my first love from 20 years ago, we both had seperate lives for 20 years, have since met again and still in love now bringing our two families together, what we share together is something you don't see everyday. And yes this is her home, she made that decision months ago when she moved in voluntarily. So please don't make my life to be some sick joke when you don't know what the situation is.

Thanks for all the useful advise.

[Creeker]

There are a lot of self serving statements of "fact" made in your posts that we can't prove or disprove one way or the other. Many times these turn out to be wishful thinking or outright lies.

Regardless, it can't be helping your illicit boyfriends custody case to be shacked up with another woman, something which is apparently very easily proven by his actual wife. I doubt he's even filed.

I wondered where Jerry got his participants, but now I know.

[txinvestigator1]

Thank you for the useful advice. This mother was the type raising the children, she was never around, always took off and their Father raised them.

You don't know that. All you know is what your honey told you. I have never heard a man who was shacking up with some new honey talk about how great his wife was, regardless of the truth. You are lonely, desperate and naive. Too bad for the kids involved.

The mother is extremely rude to her daughter, and very hurtful, the only reason she will not let her stay w/me, is because I make him happy.

Spoken just like the selfish other woman.

We are not "shacking" up together, and his daughter is like my own and is treated this way.

You sure as hell are. You are living and having sex with a MARRIED man. If you don't call that shacking up then you are not rational enough to believe half of what you write.

For the first reply, you should not judge people, you jump to too many conclusion and could not be further from the truth!

No, it is more important for you to have a body in your bed than to set a positive example of relationships for this girl you claim to care so much for.

This guy is my first love from 20 years ago, we both had seperate lives for 20 years,

Ohh, that makes it OK, as long as it is all about you.

what we share together is something you don't see everyday.

I agree with that, thank heavens.

And yes this is her home, she made that decision months ago when she moved in voluntarily. So please don't make my life to be some sick joke when you don't know what the situation is.

Your reprehensible behavior is no joke to me. And if dad were posting here I'd have the same to say to him.

[retdetsgt]

I thought this was "Ask A Cop", not "Ask A Minister".

[txinvestigator1]

I thought this was "Ask A Cop", not "Ask A Minister".

Only ministers can speak of ethical and moral issues? Cops cannot have moral opinions?

Please Sarge.

She is free to ignore me, and since she is in that situation, I know she will. But I wrote what I think.

[retdetsgt]

Only ministers can speak of ethical and moral issues? Cops cannot have moral opinions?

Please Sarge.

She is free to ignore me, and since she is in that situation, I know she will. But I wrote what I think.

Of course you can have moral opinions.

But I've never met anyone who contacted the police so they could get an unsolicited moral inventory though. But I've sure seen a few of cops who thought it was important to stick their noses into issues that had nothing to do with legal or police matters, or even to do with anything involving why we were called. I've never cared for the holier than thou attitude and chewed the butts of a couple of born again Christians who worked for me that felt it necessary to display that to the public. I don't care if they wanted to preach, just don't do in the guise of a police officer.

We don't know how long the man and his wife have been separated nor do we know what kind of woman the wife is. Everyone gets crazy when they're going through divorces.

What the woman is doing is perfectly legal in most states (I think one or two might still have archaic, biblically based laws, I don't know) and she asked a legitimate legal question. In my opinion, she didn't need a lecture on her life choices, but again like you, that's my opinion.

[GoDirectly2Jail]

Normally I'd agree with you Sarge - if all the OP did was ask the question. But she herself opened up the morality door with all the subjective value judgment statements she made.

As to the 'archaic, biblically based law' statement, show me a criminal offense that DOESN'T have its roots in judeo-christian morality that basically boils down to 'wrong choices have consequences'...

[Samuel]

Baby's mama drama is something I can NEVER get enough of... :rolleyes:

Recently, I contacted the current baby's mama/girlfriend who was having problems with her "man"'s EX baby's mama/girlfriend and family members. (i.e. the guy has kids, plural, with Both sides). Each baby's mama is complaining that the other baby's mama is harassing, threatening, etc the other. The guy is fully aware of the on going problems and is doing JACK SH1T (i.e. NOTHING, NADA, ZIP, ZILCH, SQUAT, ETC) about it. Fortunately for him, he wasn't around for me to rip him a new one about being a fricking wusspuss.

IMO, the guy in this equation should be stepping up and resolving these issues.

[retdetsgt]

Normally I'd agree with you Sarge - if all the OP did was ask the question. But she herself opened up the morality door with all the subjective value judgment statements she made.

As to the 'archaic, biblically based law' statement, show me a criminal offense that DOESN'T have its roots in judeo-christian morality that basically boils down to 'wrong choices have consequences'...

From how I read it, she was only explaining the living situation that was pertinent to the question. That is, she was living with the guy who was married and therefore the wife had as much right to the daughter as he did. Had she not told the living, marriage arrangement, we couldn't have given her a proper answer to her question. I saw nothing unnecessary to getting a decent answer to her question.

And yes, laws of man are also in the Bible, but the very first written laws, the Code of Hammurabi had nothing to do with the Bible.

I'm talking about antiquated laws such as those against sodomy between consenting adults. Do you think it should be illegal to have oral sex with your spouse? It used to be in most states. Fortunately, most of them have been gleaned out since they protect nothing more than someone's moral outrage. Frankly, I don't endorse living with someone else's spouse either, but the oath I took involved enforcing the U.S. Constitution and the laws of my state. Nothing about the Bible or any other religious document was in that oath.

There was a guy in my academy who was an ordained minister with a bachelor's in theology. The whole time he was a cop, he was also an asst. pastor in some church. I worked around this guy several times in my career and to his credit, he was able to differentiate between the time he was wearing a badge and when he was wearing his clerical collar. I never once heard him lecture someone on any moral issue that wasn't a police matter. But I've sure heard other self righteous cops do it. And it left a bad impression regarding police on just about everyone witnessing it.

I haven't logged on in several years, but I used to be on a Christian forum where I frequently discussed my moral and religious views. And from time to time, I was critical of someone's moral choices, but that was an appropriate place to do it, that's why people came there. To put it in perspective, no one ever came there for police or legal advice.

If she had even posted it in the general section where non police could chip in, that would be a different story. But she came here and asked a legitimate legal question based on her current living situation.

When I was the Sgt in sex crimes, I had a recently born again Christian woman detective who seemed to have a moral opinion of about every rape victim that was assigned to her ( or anyone else for that matter ). I don't know about the rest of you, but I think a woman has a right not to be raped no matter what the circumstance. I told her she could certainly have an opinion, but if it ever came back to me in a negative way, she would be in burglary before the day was out. She lasted less than a month. Our job is to investigate crimes and keep the peace, not burden others with our moral outrages.

[retdetsgt]

IMO, the guy in this equation should be stepping up and resolving these issues.

Yeah, he put that woman in a tough spot.

Radio here used to have an acronym, MMBNMW they would put on computer dispatches. Mother of my baby, not my wife.....

[Creeker]

"Tolerance" is the language spoken by those with no moral compass... and why the Country is so f'd up these days.

Everything once wrong is now considered to be OK .

Wanna screw your neighbors wife? Sure, no problem. We're tolerant.

Wanna take money or property from others because they are better off and can afford more than you? Sure, we'll even call it a tax because we're tolerant.

and on and on...