Need a little help.

[Outshined]

Not posting this to whine or look for sympathy. Does anyone have any information on people cutting themselves?

As some of you know my wife of 28 years died in February. I have 2 sons, 18, and 20. My sons still live with me. My 18 year old is in college nearby.

My 20 year old is doing nothing with his life. I took him to the emergency room tonight with severe razor cuts requiring stitches. I have known he was doing this for about four years. I thought it started when my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. My 18 year old tells me that my 20 year old has been doing it since he was 13. How in the world did I miss this?

He cuts and burns his face and arms and chest. I have taken him to numerous doctors and counselors. He is presently seeing a counselor and she called me at work to come take him to the hospital.

I have researched this until my fingers bleed and I get no answers. I am at my wits end. Does anyone do this or know what to do with someone who does.

My other problem is when my wife died, I lost half of our income. My son has no insurance, and I don't make tons of money. The doctor told me tonight cost me about $4,000.00, and they admitted him. I know they will release him in a couple days and he will go right back to cutting. Although tonight is the worst I have ever seen.

I am lost and do not know what to do. I know I am asking a lot here, but if anyone has any experience with this, or any ideas, I would like to hear them.

I have done the doctor and counselor route. He tells me he cannot stop doing this.

I don't know what the answer is.

[Roger Dat]

I had a relative that cut whn sh was about 13 or 14. It went on for a few years before they got her into counseling and was able to get a hold on it. I assume it to be some sort of release for them in an odd way.

ITs harder when they are older because obviously you have a little less control over the, Im sorry to hear about your problem. Best of luck to you and your son.

[Outshined]

Thanks Roger, I hope that they can help him at the hospital. It is not the best one around.

[retdetsgt]

I don't know either. My stepson started doing it when he was about 16 and did it for a year or better. He finally stopped and now is a successful executive with a major grocery chain, but I don't know what made him stop either.

I think it probably had something to do with problems with his real Dad who was being a total jerk about that time, but I'm only guessing.

I didn't know about your wife. I'm so sorry to hear that. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it probably has something to do with his losing his Mom, but what to do, I have no idea either.

[MountainMan]

I had a niece that did this. Its also a fairly common problem. I have seen two seperate and distinct "cutters" Ones that are bi-polar and ones that just have a difficult time expressing themselves. Nearly everyone that I have spoken with about cutting themselves say it is an emotional release. Rarely is it about suicide but I also find that they are more prone to suicide attempts.

The ones that I have interviewed and dealt with on a long term basis tend to be bright kids but don't relate well with others. They tend to internalize everything and won't confide in anyone for whatever reason.

Best thing I can tell you would be to talk to him openly and honestly. Who knows what drives him to do it but maybe having another sounding board can make a difference.

[patchcop]

Here in Europe it is a part of the borderline syndrome. Maybe that helps them to forget something when they feel the pain.

[PapaBear]

Contact your municipal or county mental health department and explain the issues. They can get you and your son help. He needs extensive treatment for his self mutilation and expressively distraught condition.

Good luck!!

[BJJVad]

Had a few cousins and a brother in law that did this. All of them stopped when they started to build their self worth (Found a job they liked, made decent money, Bought new cars). No clue how to do that for you or your son, but if you have any payed leave, use some now and work to get him involved in something that he likes.

Good luck..

[Outshined]

Just wanted to thank everyone for the pms and responses. He has been in the hospital since last Friday. I cannot go see him as he keeps trying to escape. I talked to them today and they are going to transfer him to a long term care facility and there is nothing I can do about it. I am not sure I want to, I do, but I know I shouldn't.

[retdetsgt]

Wow, you've had more than your share of pain. I hope they can help him and get him back on track. You're definitely doing all you can. Don't forget to take care of yourself.

Jim

[driet]

Here in Europe it is a part of the borderline syndrome. Maybe that helps them to forget something when they feel the pain.

Borderline is a little more complicated. AFAIK it's more that: "I can feel nothing, so I like pain to feel something", and a combination with a "worthless" ego, which likes to destroy himself. The right psychopharmaca and shrink may help.

@ Outshined: Sorry to hear about the loss of your wife. Have you ever put this to your police-shrink? We've got some good of them, here - maybe only to make a first contact.

[Outshined]

So today, I called and told them I HAVE to talk to my son. They said no, he is not allowed to talk today. I told them they have no idea how bad I need to talk to him.

He called me a while later and we talked and cried and I thought it was going to be ok. The hospital called me later and said that he had threatened staff with a pen if they did not let him out and the CALLED THE POLICE. He is in restraints, the first set he broke out of, just broke them.

I asked them wtf they were doing to him, he has never been violent, never threatened anyone, and never hurt anyone but himself. They HUNG UP on me.

I am lost and have to stay here for my younger son.

I am just typing here, it helps me immensely no one has to answer this.

[retdetsgt]

I asked them wtf they were doing to him, he has never been violent, never threatened anyone, and never hurt anyone but himself. They HUNG UP on me.

He's never been in that situation before either though. He no doubt thought he wasn't in control of his life before he went there, now he really has none.

My prayers are with you and your family.

[deputy x 2]

You have to function as a parent not the Chief and certainly NOT in charge of this one.

As much as it hurts you...if he is threatening staff with an object...he needs to be restrainined for HIS protection AND the staffs. Four point restraints look bad but they don't hurt and isn't cruel. They are for protection..relax he is in good hands...more managable than if he was at home.

Seems like they need to give his some meds ie respiradol or something along that line. Once they get him medicated, it may help him. Once he is stable then a maintenance program can be worked out. This isn't an overnight process so don't expect immediate results.

As for insurance, the county should have a mental health facility or program to assist you.

You know my offer...take me up on it...please. I'm here for you!