gaining access to military base abroad

[Cass]

Cassie, I'm sorry I am late to the party, but I am among those who are happy for you and glad things have worked out so well.

Thank you.

Do you care to tell us how it came about? IOW, how did you find him, get his attention, break it to him, etc? It may be handy if this ever comes up again around here.

Oh, it was easy. :cool: The guards were playing Wii and I walked right in.

Naaaahhhh

A little while ago I had asked here about private investigators and I was going to look more seriously into hiring one to track down my Dad. I talked to my mom to get all the info she had about him. As it turns out she had been lying to me (and him) all these years. :fire: She knew he was my father, but I guess was more interested in another guy at the time... I didn't even want to know all the details, just what she knew about his whereabouts. A former mutual HS friend of her's and my Dad's had told her some time ago that he was stationed in Germany. Dang. That was a whole lot easier than trying to find a total stranger with whom she had a one-night stand 19 years ago...(her story all these years).

As far as actually connecting with him, I was reluctant to just call him up. I don't like to talk on the phone anyway, and it would have been totally awkward. It just didn't seem appropriate to break the news over the phone. I really really wanted to meet him in person, even if just for a few minutes. I figured it would be much harder for him to turn me away if I came all the way from the US just to see him.

The girl I'm staying with here drove me to the base and yeah, it's not like walking into a hotel lobby asking for a guest... At first I thought it was all a big mistake and we were just driving around trying to figure out how to even get anywhere near someone to talk to. I guess that was enough to draw attention. ;) Someone drove over to our car (I don't even know who he was) and asked if he could "help us" (the rude "what the hell are you doing here?!?" kinda thing). I started explaining that there was someone I wanted to see and I ended up crying (not acting either)...and I guess he responds well to tears. ;) After I told him I wanted to see my Dad he said he'd see what he could do.

Long story short, about an hour and a half later my Dad met me in a waiting area. At that point my Dad still didn't know what it was all about, just that "someone was desperate to see him". He later told me that when he first saw me from farther away he was wondering if I was an old girlfriend of his or something, but when he saw how young I was and from the look on my face he "just knew". I'm not sure I believe that... Anyway, I was so emotional when meeting him after years of wondering who or where he was, and I was crying and umm...I just hugged him. I kinda had envisioned the whole thing a little more formal and dignified, but at that point I just went with what felt right. Then I flat out told him that I thought he was my Dad and that I just wanted to meet him. OK...I'm crying now just thinking about it. I can't get too emotional here or the Sarge is gonna feel all warm and fuzzy again. :p

It's kind of all a blur now. He seemed a bit shocked or rather caught off guard at first, but made a quick recovery. ;) We talked for a few minutes and then he just said "OK. Let's meet the rest of your family!" So I've got two adorable half sisters. Heck, they weren't even surprised or asked any questions. They were just excited to have a big sister. His wife was a bit more shocked, but she took it well too, especially since they had met a few years after I was born...

He later told me that there had always been "rumors" that the guy my mom was with for a while wasn't really my father, and there was always a suspicion that I could be his daughter. The mutual friend had actually commented to my Dad at one point that I looked just like his younger daughters. He apologized for not investigating the whole thing further. He asked me about how I grew up and everything and I friggin lied. :( I feel HORRIBLE lying to him, but I don't think he could handle the truth right now...

Anyway, I'm so happy I finally got to meet him. It's such a relief because the wondering and guessing is over. I wish I had had a Dad growing up, but it's nice to be able to get to know him now...

Warm and fuzzy yet? ;)

[retdetsgt]

Warm and fuzzy yet? ;)

I am. That's wonderful, Cass. Amazing how things work out when you're straightforward and skip the drama.

I'm truly happy for you......:beer:

[Creeker]

Thank you.



Oh, it was easy. :cool: The guards were playing Wii and I walked right in.

Naaaahhhh

A little while ago I had asked here about private investigators and I was going to look more seriously into hiring one to track down my Dad. I talked to my mom to get all the info she had about him. As it turns out she had been lying to me (and him) all these years. :fire: She knew he was my father, but I guess was more interested in another guy at the time... I didn't even want to know all the details, just what she knew about his whereabouts. A former mutual HS friend of her's and my Dad's had told her some time ago that he was stationed in Germany. Dang. That was a whole lot easier than trying to find a total stranger with whom she had a one-night stand 19 years ago...(her story all these years).

As far as actually connecting with him, I was reluctant to just call him up. I don't like to talk on the phone anyway, and it would have been totally awkward. It just didn't seem appropriate to break the news over the phone. I really really wanted to meet him in person, even if just for a few minutes. I figured it would be much harder for him to turn me away if I came all the way from the US just to see him.

The girl I'm staying with here drove me to the base and yeah, it's not like walking into a hotel lobby asking for a guest... At first I thought it was all a big mistake and we were just driving around trying to figure out how to even get anywhere near someone to talk to. I guess that was enough to draw attention. ;) Someone drove over to our car (I don't even know who he was) and asked if he could "help us" (the rude "what the hell are you doing here?!?" kinda thing). I started explaining that there was someone I wanted to see and I ended up crying (not acting either)...and I guess he responds well to tears. ;) After I told him I wanted to see my Dad he said he'd see what he could do.

Long story short, about an hour and a half later my Dad met me in a waiting area. At that point my Dad still didn't know what it was all about, just that "someone was desperate to see him". He later told me that when he first saw me from farther away he was wondering if I was an old girlfriend of his or something, but when he saw how young I was and from the look on my face he "just knew". I'm not sure I believe that... Anyway, I was so emotional when meeting him after years of wondering who or where he was, and I was crying and umm...I just hugged him. I kinda had envisioned the whole thing a little more formal and dignified, but at that point I just went with what felt right. Then I flat out told him that I thought he was my Dad and that I just wanted to meet him. OK...I'm crying now just thinking about it. I can't get too emotional here or the Sarge is gonna feel all warm and fuzzy again. :p

It's kind of all a blur now. He seemed a bit shocked or rather caught off guard at first, but made a quick recovery. ;) We talked for a few minutes and then he just said "OK. Let's meet the rest of your family!" So I've got two adorable half sisters. Heck, they weren't even surprised or asked any questions. They were just excited to have a big sister. His wife was a bit more shocked, but she took it well too, especially since they had met a few years after I was born...

He later told me that there had always been "rumors" that the guy my mom was with for a while wasn't really my father, and there was always a suspicion that I could be his daughter. The mutual friend had actually commented to my Dad at one point that I looked just like his younger daughters. He apologized for not investigating the whole thing further. He asked me about how I grew up and everything and I friggin lied. :( I feel HORRIBLE lying to him, but I don't think he could handle the truth right now...

Anyway, I'm so happy I finally got to meet him. It's such a relief because the wondering and guessing is over. I wish I had had a Dad growing up, but it's nice to be able to get to know him now...

Warm and fuzzy yet? ;)

Thank You for sharing that Cassie.

Its fantastic that he took the news so well and that you can now get to know him and your half sisters.

How old are your new "sista's"? (Niece sprung that one on me tonight;))

I'd bet that you resemble his other daughters in some fashion that tipped him off to what you were about.

...And I am truly happy that "Sarge" wasn't working the Security Gate that day.

[Cass]

Its fantastic that he took the news so well and that you can now get to know him and your half sisters.

I think he wasn't as shocked because there had always been suspicions that I was his kid. He feels bad now that he never attempted to find out. He was 19 back then and not exactly eager to have children and support a family. And once he joined the military he never looked back. If he knew what crap I went through growing up I'm sure he'd feel even worse, so I think I'll be doing a lot of sugar-coating...

How old are your new "sista's"? (Niece sprung that one on me tonight;))

12 and 7

I'd bet that you resemble his other daughters in some fashion that tipped him off to what you were about.

Yup. I can't share pics for privacy reasons, obviously, but the resemblance is definitely there. If you saw a pic of the three of us together there would be no doubt in your mind that we are siblings...or that I was the younger one's MOM :eek:

The little one even has my crazy hair...and the older one tries to keep it under control with hairspray and hairties. ;)

I always thought that I looked nothing like my mom, so I was curious what my Dad would look like.

...And I am truly happy that "Sarge" wasn't working the Security Gate that day.

Me too! I don't think he deals well with tears. ;)

[Piggy]

Thank you.



Then I flat out told him that I thought he was my Dad and that I just wanted to meet him.

Every man's worst nightmare..... (just kidding Cass)

It's never too late to find him and keep in contact. I don't think I ever posted the story on this forum, but my dad had two brothers given up for adoption at birth by my Grandmother. We weren't sure they ever existed. I spent about 10 years on and off looking and I found them both. My Grandmother is long gone, but my dad was able to meet both of his brothers who were now in the late 60's and early 70's.

[Cat_Doc]

We talked for a few minutes and then he just said "OK. Let's meet the rest of your family!" So I've got two adorable half sisters.

Sounds like your father is a very good man, Cass. The statement of "OK. Let's meet the rest of your family" is a quote to be etched into your memory and used as a warm blanket on those "cold days." He could have just talked with you on scene, but he accepted you into the family. A good man.

I am happy for you. See, there was a reason for you to slow down your driving and get rid of abusive boyfriends.

You are now a big sister, with big sister duties; that is very cool. :yup:

[Cass]

It's never too late to find him and keep in contact. I don't think I ever posted the story on this forum, but my dad had two brothers given up for adoption at birth by my Grandmother. We weren't sure they ever existed. I spent about 10 years on and off looking and I found them both. My Grandmother is long gone, but my dad was able to meet both of his brothers who were now in the late 60's and early 70's.

Wow. They met more than sixty years later? Now THAT is amazing! Did they end up meeting just once or did they keep in touch?

Sounds like your father is a very good man, Cass.

Yup :yup:

See, there was a reason for you to slow down your driving and get rid of abusive boyfriends.

You are now a big sister, with big sister duties; that is very cool. :yup:

True. Thank you for reminding me of one of my very first posts on RP! I guess I have SOME sort of responsibility for someone else now, and a little more incentive not to wrap my car around a tree.

[Creeker]

...True. Thank you for reminding me of one of my very first posts on RP! I guess I have SOME sort of responsibility for someone else now, and a little more incentive not to wrap my car around a tree.

Who'd have guessed that dumping just a little bit of abusive baggage could allow you to take flight?:D

[Cat_Doc]

Who'd have guessed that dumping just a little bit of abusive baggage could allow you to take flight?:D

We sure have watched her develop (maturity, Greg, maturity) in such a short time, haven't we?

I know it sounds like we are talking about you like you aren't in the room, Cass with the C silent, but think how much has changed for the better.

[Piggy]

Wow. They met more than sixty years later? Now THAT is amazing! Did they end up meeting just once or did they keep in touch?

They still keep in touch. I talk to my new Aunt once every couple weeks by email and I meet up with them about once a year. Just don't dwell on the "what if's" or "what could have been". There is nothing you can do about the past anyway. It doesn't sound like you're holding too much of a grudge against anyone including your mom, so that's good. Email is a great way to keep in touch. You can always do the skype thing too with webcams.

[Creeker]

We sure have watched her develop (maturity, Greg, maturity) in such a short time, haven't we?

I know it sounds like we are talking about you like you aren't in the room, Cass with the C silent, but think how much has changed for the better.

;)

[Cass]

They still keep in touch. I talk to my new Aunt once every couple weeks by email and I meet up with them about once a year.

That's wonderful, Piggy! It's nice that it wasn't just a "meet once" kinda thing.

I kept thinking that I just wanted to meet my Dad once, even if only for a few minutes, and I'd be OK even if he never wanted to see me again. But now I'm sure I would have been devestated if he had turned me away, and I'm glad that quite the opposite was the case.

Just don't dwell on the "what if's" or "what could have been". There is nothing you can do about the past anyway.

That's the hard part. :( I'm trying to focus on the present and the future, but I keep playing the "what if" game. :sad:

It doesn't sound like you're holding too much of a grudge against anyone including your mom, so that's good.

I try not to. ;) I'm too happy to have finally met him to be holding any grudges against my Dad. The way I look at it, it's probably a good thing he and my mom didn't (try to) stay together. I know it wouldn't have lasted. No relationship my mom was ever in lasted and I'm sure it would have been an ugly split. Now we're starting out with a clean slate.

As far as my mom is concerned, she has screwed up so many times that nothing comes as a shock to me anymore. At least she never tried to poison me against him. She could have told worse lies...

Email is a great way to keep in touch. You can always do the skype thing too with webcams.

Yup. I hope we'll be able to email or instant message. Obviously I wish we lived closer to eachother. He's hoping to return stateside in a couple of years (has nothing to do with me).

[Cass]

We sure have watched her develop (maturity, Greg, maturity) in such a short time, haven't we?

I know it sounds like we are talking about you like you aren't in the room, Cass with the C silent, but think how much has changed for the better.

;)

Creeker, for a moment you had me wondering what possessed you to post a pic of a fat duck. :confused: I assume you were referring to "spreading my wings".

Things certainly have changed for the better. I was just telling someone in a PM that I learned so much about myself and what's important in life since coming to RP...much more than I had ever envisioned when I first googled for info on my traffic ticket. :p

So let me just say THANK YOU to everybody for their opinions, advice and support!!! I finally feel alive!

[Creeker]

...So let me just say THANK YOU to everybody for their opinions, advice and support!!! I finally feel alive!

See, its people like you that make my near daily visits here all worth while:beer:

[Roger Dat]

Cass, this story has truly made my weekend.