Police car parking in my parking spot

[retdetsgt]

[(Most women in law enforcement were abused/assaulted at some point - ususally childhood --, either sexually, physically or emotionally. Law enforcement gives them a form of power.)

I missed that statement until Greg quoted it.

Can you cite a study that shows that? Or is that your opinion?

Having worked with a lot of sex abuse victims and women cops, I find that difficult to believe. I haven't seen much parallel in their personalities...

[greg72982]

I missed that statement until Greg quoted it.

Can you cite a study that shows that? Or is that your opinion?

Having worked with a lot of sex abuse victims and women cops, I find that difficult to believe. I haven't seen much parallel in their personalities...

Yep saying "most" is making a pretty bold generalization IMO...I'm sure that is true in some cases, but I would say it's the exception, not the rule, at least in my experience.

[eaglei]

It isn't a study that I did but there have been studies done. It is my personal opinion/experience although I have heard it cited in a seminar many years ago.
I am a female and had a form of abuse in my past. In my almost 20 years in LE I was amazed at the women I worked with at my department or met from other agencies (Police, Sheriff, CHP, DA) , who had some form of abuse: mental, emotional, physical, alcohol, sexual...)
I really don't say that lightly. It is something we have discussed and I'm talking 97% had something there.
We don't use the "power" as a power trip, it is a power over ourselves. Hard to describe.
Don't get offended but I think I have a little bit more experience as a female (who's proudest moment was when she was told by her male co-workers she was "one of the guys"!)

[eaglei]

Having worked with a lot of sex abuse victims and women cops, I find that difficult to believe. I haven't seen much parallel in their personalities.

Sgt: you'd be surprised at how we react. I was the hardest on sexual assault victims if I even suspected they were lying. We surpress and mask our pasts.

Not only will I never call myself a "victim" or a "survivor", I would never let anyone I worked with ever know what I had been through. I have been to some girls only "choir practices" where it has all come out.

I can tell you that of the 25+ women that I have worked with & gotten close to in my department only, all but 3 admitted to past abuse.

[retdetsgt]

You have a point. Stats show one in four women have been sexually abused at some point in their lives.

And when I was running our sex crimes detail, I did have more trouble with women detectives being overly judgmental with victims than I ever had men. In fact, I transferred a couple out because I thought they were too caustic with victims, something I wouldn't tolerate. I didn't care if the victim was a prostitute, she had the right not to be raped.

That topic would make for a great master's thesis, but I suspect it would be to unPC. I could just see some sociology professor screwing him/herself into the ground thinking that the results would offend women police officers......

[Sgt. Slaughter]

So, how have things been since the initial arrest?

[Cass]

So, how have things been since the initial arrest?

Well, he's still in county jail. He calls me every so often asking me to post bail. I simply don't have that kind of money. They consider him a flight risk because of the impending eviction and the end of our relationship. He has no other ties to the area. I guess with the assault on an officer charge they take the whole thing more seriously. He's given me a whole list of people to call to "chip in", including people he went to high school with and hasn't had contact with ever since (like seven years ago). :rolleyes: When I tell him I doubt anybody could come up with the amount he gets angry and starts accusing me of having an affair with the cop in the parking lot. :mad: I guess it's funny in a way...

He has plead not guilty on the assault charges and is waiting for another court date. From what I understand they're trying to get him to take a plea bargain where they drop the assault on the officer charge in exchange for pleading guilty on the DV charge, but being the stubborn dumbass that he is, he's insisting that he never touched anybody and that "the pig" just made it all up. When I tell him I'm done with him he goes back to asking me to bail him out. I can't believe it took me so long to realize what an *** he is...or I knew but didn't want to do anything about it... :rolleyes:

Right now

(1) he is locked up on bail nobody can pay
(2) he has a temporary order of protection against him from family court (still waiting on a court date to get the final)
(3) he apparently has a criminal order of protection against him (from what I understand that's done by the DA automatically after criminal charges have been filed)
(4) eviction papers have been filed.

So I feel reasonably safe that he won't be showing up at the apartment any time soon... I'm a bit worried though about when he gets out of jail because I don't know what he's capable of in a jealous rage.

I'm still kinda mourning the loss of the relationship because it was just something I was so used to, but I have lots of stuff to distract myself with so I'll be OK. School's going to take my mind off of everything, I'm sure.

So that's about it. Things are going fine. Thanks for asking.

[Sgt. Slaughter]

You should refuse any further calls from the jail. That may be part of the orders of protection he could be violating.

[greg72982]

You should refuse any further calls from the jail. That may be part of the orders of protection he could be violating.

I could just about guarantee it...I have yet to see a PFA here where ANY contact with the plaintiff was allowed...this includes contact through third parties.

[Cass]

You should refuse any further calls from the jail. That may be part of the orders of protection he could be violating.

I could just about guarantee it...I have yet to see a PFA here where contact with the plaintiff was allowed...

Thanks, guys. I'm an idiot. I never even thought that anything was wrong with that (other than it being incredibly annoying), but now I do remember reading that telephonic contact was prohibited. Don't they monitor calls in jail or can people just call whomever?

Who do I talk to? Someone at the jail or the court or the police that arrested him? :confused:

[Sgt. Slaughter]

Call the police and report the calls. The jail may keep records of outgoing calls made through their system.

[Cat_Doc]

Thanks, guys. I'm an idiot. I never even thought that anything was wrong with that (other than it being incredibly annoying), but now I do remember reading that telephonic contact was prohibited. Don't they monitor calls in jail or can people just call whomever?

Who do I talk to? Someone at the jail or the court or the police that arrested him? :confused:

You can ask the jail to block your phone number. I know we can and will do that in our detention center.

[greg72982]

I never even thought that anything was wrong with that (other than it being incredibly annoying), but now I do remember reading that telephonic contact was prohibited.

I edited my post if you want to re-read. Check your protection order it should say.

Next thing he may do is call some people he knows to call you on his behalf. That's a violation as well if there is a stipulation for third party contact.

[Cat_Doc]

You can ask the jail to block your phone number. I know we can and will do that in our detention center.

I think I need to clarify, before Cass and her undying wit/sarcasm leaps on stage.

My detention center will not block your phone number, Cass. :rolleyes:


You have to ask the detention center where the ****bird is at to block your number. Provide them with the police report number and let them know you are the victim. They will either block your number or have staff monitor his phone calls.

What Greg said is also true; many inmates will get others to make the phone calls, so blocking your number and your work number from all outgoing inmate phone calls is the way to go.

Additionally, I would also contact the P.D. that made the arrest, or the prosecutor's office, or the victim's rights unit (if you have those out there) and let them know what he has been doing.

You do understand, don't you, that by entertaining his calls you are fueling hope that you two are going to get back together?

[Cass]

I think I need to clarify, before Cass and her undying wit/sarcasm leaps on stage. My detention center will not block your phone number, Cass. :rolleyes:

LOL. I wasn't going to say anything. I had not even THOUGHT of saying anything. :rolleyes:

But now that you mentioned it... I'm glad they won't block my number at your detention center or how would I be able to call you in the middle of the night? :p ;)

What Greg said is also true; many inmates will get others to make the phone calls, so blocking your number and your work number from all outgoing inmate phone calls is the way to go.

Hmmm. I thought Greg meant he'll call friends on the OUTSIDE who will then call me. :confused:

You do understand, don't you, that by entertaining his calls you are fueling hope that you two are going to get back together?

Yeah, I know. But I just can't get myself to be mean to him. It's not that I'm still attached to him or want to get back together. I just don't like hurting peoples feelings. :(