a cop is NOT what i wanted or hoped for ......

[sallyATL]

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OK, i have thoroughly read and tried to comply w/ the above. i dont belive my posting is intended to insult plz 4give me if it comes across that way.

i am a young woman who has spent the better part of her working life in adult and legit / semi-legit / not - so - legit / businesses. from dancing in men's club to massage parlors to lingerie modeling . i dont consider myself a prostitute b/c i do NOT have sex or give BJ's. i do think of myself as having SOME standardz and morals. my previous encounters w/ LE have not been altogether positive given my line of work. usually i worked in legit - on - the surface - businesses that were licensed but usually raided / shut down by police. consequently i didnt consider them my favorite ppl -

recently i met a cop who is a high ranking police officer in a nearby suburb. i live and work in a large city but not his jurisdiction. i told him that i work doing massages (true/ somewhat) and left it at that. weeks went by and i fell in love w/him. he is unlike any man ive ever met. he is a perfect gentleman, always pays for all dates, is sincere, considerate , a good listener and hasnt pressured me for sex. he is interested in marriage and having children. i have never married and have no kids. we come from similar backgrounds and attend the same church. .his parents /siblings like me a lot. recently he has started to aggressively question the nature of the massages i do and even though i have not been completely honest (for fear of losing him) he has continued to see me and be there for me . i make more $ than he does even in his position and i know he suspects SOMEthing. i sense that he is a little sad and i cant bear to hurt him. i feel like if he elevated our relationship to the next level ( like exclusive ) i will probably quit my job out of respect for him but until that happens i dont want to. i'm tired of evadin his questions and wish we werent seeing each other but i cant change this. i dont want to break anything off ; in fact i want to further it and i also want a normal life and its so hard now a days to find a marriage minded man and i dont want to lose him !!! i'm so afraid if i told him he will altogether dump me and i dont know what to do.

ps ; i have posted this in a respectful, appropriate manner and i hope the responses will be non-judgemental and helpful in nature . if it at all matters : i have no convictions of any kind.

[manahmanah]

[Aussie George]

If you are honest with him he might leave you.

But if you tell him what you do andthat you are willing to give that up because of your feelings for him, then he might not.

If you tell him and he doesn't mind, then he probably is not as good as you think he is, because I sure as hell would not be with someone who stayed in that line of work. And I don't mean that as a udgement call against you. I don't have any problems with what you are doing if it is legal. But as far as what I want for a partner is a different thing compared to what I expect from a random stranger. Hope that makes sense.

If you are dishonest with him, and he finds out, I would bet money that he will leave you. And really, what kind of relationship would it be if it was based on a lie?

I say tell him, and if he is as good as you think he is, he could very well understand and the two of you could work it out.

Keep in mind, depending on the type of work you are in, he might have to choose to distance himself from you for his career. Just another thing to keep in mind. Cops have to be careful who they mix with and are associated with. It could compromise his position as a cop if he was in a relationship with someone working in a trade that could be seen as immoral if not ilegal.

I am not too sure why you chose this forum though. You say you met a cop who you like, but in fact you met a man that you like that happens to be a cop.


I hope it all works out for the best for you both and that you both live happily ever after, but if you are not up front and honest with him, I doubt that will occur.


All the best

[Citicop]

None of the following is meant to be spiteful or hurtful...just honest and to the point.

Consider it however you want. If you are trading sexual contact of any kind for money, prostitution IS what you are engaged in (at least it would be in Missouri). If you worked at more than one place that was raided and shut down by the police, then telling yourself that you aren't a prostitute is merely self delusion.

You owe it to him to tell him the truth. If what you are writing is true, then he has feelings for you as well. You have allowed him to develop those feelings based on your dishonesty. He deserves to see the whole picture before he makes his choice.

If the cost of your choice of lifestyle and deceit is that you lose this relationship, then that's the cost. You're a grown up. Actions have consequences; you should know this by now.

I wish you luck, and hope you start making better choices.

Citicop.

[Samuel]

100% agree with being honest - if not, you'll screw it up worse.

If things don't work out with that guy, we know someone else who lives in ATL - not saying who it is but you hear his name a lot on the TV show Cheers...

[Piggy]

I'm not sure where the question is. If you are a prostitute, so be it. You need to let him know. There's a difference between medical type massages with licensed professionals and ones that have happy endings. The Police don't raid one of them. The longer you keep living a lie, the more difficult it will be.

[Joeyd6]

You are making this out to be some big choice you have to make. You have no choice.

You lie and don't tell him, then he will leave now or he will eventually find out and leave because you lied

You tell him, and he may leave or stay.

Either way the same outcome is possible (he wil leave, but only one choice gives you the chance to be yourself and move on, possibly in a positive direction.

[North Patrol]

I have a really good friend that was a dancer and then became a professional dominatrix. She is now a licensed massage therapist. At no time during her life did she ever provide sex or a sexual relief (happy ending). Yes the dancing was sexual but she did not touch nor allow touching. As a Dom she got paid to provide business people a safe outlet with no sex involved.

I mention this because she is very proud of what she does and does not hide it. If you are hiding what you do from Mr. Cop then you obviously realize it is wrong if not illegal. My suggestion to you is stop and find another career no matter what the outcome of your "relationship".

You deserve to be proud of who you are and trust me you are not. I also should mention if he has been an officer for any length of time he already knows what you do and lying will make it worse. He may choose to overlook it or even convince himself to the contrary, but he knows.

[bluelightzgrl]

You either tell him or you don't. Depending on how strong he feels for you and whether he feels you two as a couple can work through this, is what will make him stay or go. However, having kept this from him is going to make him wonder about other things. Be up front and honest if you truly want to keep him.

I If you are hiding what you do from Mr. Cop then you obviously realize it is wrong if not illegal. My suggestion to you is stop and find another career no matter what the outcome of your "relationship".

I wouldn't say "illegal", maybe what she does is legal; her post came across to me as she is not entirely proud of what she does unlike like your female friend is. Either way, she has made a career out of jobs she isn't proud of; maybe she even finds these jobs at time embarrassing. If that is the case and you are not proud (or you are embarrassed) of what you do, then it's time to change and find something that you don't mind the soccer mommy next door knowing about.

...and I would suggest even if your relationship does not work out. Men are, well can be very traditional -at least the good ones. ;) Any decent man is not going to want you working in that kind of industry. Try looking at it from their perspectives... their girlfriend or wife parading around, putting her body on display to be the lustful object of some stranger; and of course as cops they are probably thinking of the latest a$$hole they just arrested.

-blue
:cool:

[retdetsgt]

I dunno, a couple of topless bars seemed to be a breeding ground for several cops on my dept. At least two I know married topless dancers and have been married now for 20+ years and have teenage kids. Their marriages worked out fine. So who knows?

[Johninaustin]

Okay, second time I've screwed up an edit.

[Johninaustin]

So, he leaves you now or he leaves you later. I fail to see a difference here other than the timeline. :confused:

Also consider one thing. Most depts have some version of a general order along the lines of; " Assocating with persons of ill-repute" He may end up losing his career.

[Roger Dat]

Call Dr. Phil....... this is Realpolice.net, not how can I decieve my boyfriend and keep him at the same time.

[DeltaV]

i dont consider myself a prostitute b/c i do NOT have sex or give BJ's.

Since you specified that you don't do these things, I'll assume that you do other things such as manual stimulation. In the eyes of the law that makes you just as much a prostitute as if you did the things you mentioned. No halfway decent cop with an ounce of ethics would ever date a prostitute. Not to say there aren't some out there who have/do, however every one I've ever heard up getting caught up with prostitutes has ended up being fired eventually.

I'm sure he already knows what you really do. It doesn't take a crack detective to decipher what being in the "massage industry" means if you aren't actually a licensed massage therapist at a reputable spa.

[lawduck]

call dr. Phil....... This is realpolice.net, not how can i deceive my boyfriend and keep him at the same time.

Exactly.