Lying

[jamez]

I have a 14yo that's planning on going into the Naval Academy when she gets out of highschool. Our biggest problem with her has been lying. Recently she had 3 C's on her report card and was very ashamed. So ashamed to the point that she lied and said she didn't get her report card and the school was mailing them out. We had to get the report card from the highschool before attending her drill for Naval Sea Cadets this past weekend.

An episode of COPS happened to be on and the suspect started off by lying as the officer walked up and questioned her. She repeatedly lied, then when the truth was finally revealed, she started asking the officer to 'cut her a break'.

My question to any and all of you. Once someone starts to lie to you and gets caught in a position where they can be sent to jail, how often you cut them a 'break' after lying?

[Aussie George]

You get one chance to tell me the truth. After that everything that comes from your mouth will be considered a lie. And if I think you are lying, then you wont get much chance of leniency at all.

All the apologies in the world don't mean much if you have already proven yourself to be a liar.

My 2 cents

[BP348]

I think the two are completly different. You can pretty much expect your kids to lie to you about different stuff, grades being one of them, but lieing to an officer is a whole different thing.

If she gets to the Naval academt it will be a different story.

[magicman]

This is a well known fact in my house and on the street. You can mess up, make mistakes, etc......... but the ONE thing I will not tolerate lying. Period. I don't give breaks on lying. I'm sure you will be able to convey to your daughter if that is really her goal there are certain things she needs to do to attain it. My brother in law got his master's degree from the N.A. and taught at the Naval Academy. Excellent program. If she can curtail her ways, she will be set. The possibilities will be endless for her. Hang in there 14 year old girls are a different creature. I have 12 and 10 year old girls. I don't look forward to the times ahead. But make sure you and mom express to her how important honesty and integrity are. And that no matter how bad she thinks things are, she can ALWAYS come to you.
Good luck and keep us posted.

[Legoate]

Generally if someone lies to me they get treated to the full extent of the law....meaning:

If they deserved a cite, they get one.

If I can charge them for the lie, I do.

If they have an arrest warrant, they get arrested.

If they are a probationer/parolee, I conduct a probation/parole search and may even go to their home and search that.

[Wolfman]

I whole-heartedly agree with the above posters. They get one chance to tell the truth when I stop them; that being said, I realize that they probably won't tell me the truth, or if they do, it will be a partial truth to hide what they don't want me to know.

As for your daughter, it might be a good idea to let her know that lying will get her expelled from the USNA should she get in. The Midshipman Honor Code for the USNA/ROTC Units says it most simply:

"A Midshipman shall not lie, cheat, or steal, nor tolerate anyone who does."

They have and will continue to expel those that break the code.

[SnapShawt]

Yep, I'm the same as everyone else - one and ONLY one chance to tell the truth. I've cut some HUGE breaks for people who have been straight with me off the top. I've always taken those who have lied to me to the cleaners (and to jail).

[Group9]

You get one chance to tell me the truth. After that everything that comes from your mouth will be considered a lie. And if I think you are lying, then you wont get much chance of leniency at all.

All the apologies in the world don't mean much if you have already proven yourself to be a liar.

My 2 cents

This is the same as with us. Whenever we arrest someone, we tell them, "If you don't want to talk to us, that's fine. But, don't lie to us, because if you do, even if you decide to tell us the truth later, you have no credibility. And, with no credibility, you have no value as a cooperator, or witness against other co-conspirators."

Some are smart enough to get and believe that. Some aren't.

[Mike Romeo]

My question to any and all of you. Once someone starts to lie to you and gets caught in a position where they can be sent to jail, how often you cut them a 'break' after lying?

The people most guilty of the lying to me in the manner of which you are talking about are those that lie about their identity. I have arrested many people for that type of lying. Once I've caught them in an incriminating lie about who they are, it's just too late and time to go to jail. They've made that bed and our sherrif department deputies will tuck them into it. Especially the ones that lie about their identity to avoid arrest because they have an outstanding warrant. They're done.

I don't work out things much with people that lie to me on duty. I write them a summons (tickets as some of you call them) or take them to jail. It's my job. This isn't "deal or no deal".

[jamez]

Thanks for responses and sorry for the late reply. It's been a rather hectic time in our lives, but moreso, a good hectic.

While I expect my children to lie to me, and what child can actually say they haven't lied to their parents, I want my children to know and understand what the price can be for lying. They're all aware I used to work in the dispatch office and was on the very edge of actually joining the academy, but alas, I guess my future put me elsewhere.

I think my oldest is learning the values of life slightly easier than I did, growing up. It's not been easy with her, but she's still in the adaption process of our household, as she was mainly raised by her mother up until 2 years ago, but she's finally pulled herself together and is shaping up rather well.

She's involved in the rifle team in ROTC and is also involved in the Nava Sea Cadet Corp and has a goal of becoming an officer in the military. Considering she was failing 5 courses when she came to us, and stated her goal was to attend Harvard or Yale and become a lawyer, I'd say she's turned around for the best.

Again, thanks for the responses and my daughter appreciates your candor and responses.

[Switchback]

Hell, I actually arrest people for lying... and nothing else. False statements to a federal officer is a felony.

I have arrested several people protecting others, to include a few mothers. I use it more as a tool to get the person I am after. For others (contacted as part of our investigation but not the target) them telling the truth could be the difference in just seizing contraband or charging them locally.

[copgirl]

I think that everyone here has lied once or more but betraying someone's trust is really bad. I think that everyone deserves a second chance but if she keeps lying, you should let her understand that there is no way you can trust her again.