Being Threatened

[Anya]

I am in a bad position and I am unsure how to go about fixing it. My boyfriend's sister hates me and has been sending me threatening text messages on my phone. Things like "You better watch your back b*tch" and "I'm going to f**kin kill you". She has physically attacked me before, forcing me to defend myself and fight back. She has recently tried to fight me again and I just left the area. I have been trying to ignore her, but it is pretty awful. Especially since my boyfriend HAS to live in the same house as her until we can afford to move (after I graduate school this summer). What can I do to protect myself from her (legally)? Is there anything I can do before she jumps me with her friends when my back is turned? I feel anxious all the time and she has been following me to my gym (which she has no membership to). What if she tries to fight me again and I actually hurt her? Will I get in trouble if she calls the cops afterwards and I didn't do something to de-escalate the situation? Please help. Thanks!

[jeffyc]

Well you could either press Harassment charges against her, or you could find another boyfriend or stay away from there until he can move out. Yes if you fight back and she gets hurt you can get in trouble to. That would be either Simple Assault or Aggravated Assault depending. Now bear in mind that is for here in Ms, I dont know where you live so I dont know your states statutes.

Just my .02 cents

[shugs]

In a situation like this you have to decide if your boyfriend is worth all this trouble.
How old are you?? How old is this sister? Maybe your parents can talk to her parents. That may be the best way to work this thing out.

[Anya]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years. There is no way that I would ever leave him because of his family. He is not like them. We are working very hard to move in together, but it takes time. We often talk about getting married. He is the real deal. But there is nothing he can do about her behavior, and I in no way blame him for it. He rarely speaks to her and nor do I. I am 21, she is 23, and he is almost 24, so we are all adults. We live in Los Angeles, CA. His parents, unfortunately, are of no help in this situation because they do not care. They have not done anything to help. All they do is apologize to me for her behavior and the neighbors. But apologies aren't protecting me or my boyfriend. When I am working out at the gym doing reps she walks around me in circles, as though she's trying to intimidate me. I just ignore her, but how long till I am attacked again? I feel like it is only a matter of time and I don't want to fight her or anyone else. Ignoring her is making her act out more. I don't think I have enough for harassment charges. Do I?

[Anya]

What website can I find out my statutes?

[Samuel]

google search ca penal code

who provides law enforcement services where you live?

[Anya]

I am not sure who provides that. I guess the LAPD? But the CHP (California Highway Patrol) is very close to the area. Do they answer police calls though? Or do they just take care of the roads? Thanks for the website. Maybe there is something I can find to defend myself legally. I just want to feel safe. :-(

[lax854]

this would constitute aggravated harassment in ny......one would make a police report, and go to the court system in order to hopefully get a restraining order. This restraining order will prevent contact hopefully of every sort and will be an automatic arrest if that person contacts you and violates that order...but i dont know how it works in CA!

[Anya]

How long do restraining orders last? If I am spending time with his family (as I often do) and she shows up unknowingly, do I have to leave or does she? Do I not have rights to be with him in his room (that he pays rent for monthly) anymore? I don't know how restraining orders work with family and property.

[Anya]

Thanks btw for replying!

[lax854]

How long do restraining orders last? If I am spending time with his family (as I often do) and she shows up unknowingly, do I have to leave or does she? Do I not have rights to be with him in his room (that he pays rent for monthly) anymore? I don't know how restraining orders work with family and property.

unfortunately restraining orders may prevent you from hanging out with his family as much as you would like....YOU decided to be and remain in the situation that you are in. I dont think its the wrong decision, but sacrifices must be made. Perhaps that means you cant hang out with his family at all. Restraining orders vary in time and you would not be able to go to his residence if she lives there as well.

[GoDirectly2Jail]

What website can I find out my statutes?

It is a very secret and complicated process, but I'll try to help:

Go to Google.


Type "California Laws" in the space provided.


Click the first result.


Voila.

Something to consider is that you will have to make some hard choices regarding where you go and with whom you associate. If she's a member of your gym, you may have to change gym's. You may miss some family events because she will be there. These may not be easy choices, but will be better for you in the long run.

In regards to who services your area, if you are in the city limits, then LAPD will be who you want to contact. If not, Los Angeles Sheriff's Office will take your report. CHP probably will refer you to one of those other departments. (but maybe not.)

[TX-LEO]

I am in a bad position and I am unsure how to go about fixing it. My boyfriend's sister hates me and has been sending me threatening text messages on my phone. Things like "You better watch your back b*tch" and "I'm going to f**kin kill you". !

File a harassment report. Dont go back to the residence where she lives, period.

[Anya]

It is a very secret and complicated process, but I'll try to help:

Go to Google.


Type "California Laws" in the space provided.


Click the first result.


Voila.

Something to consider is that you will have to make some hard choices regarding where you go and with whom you associate. If she's a member of your gym, you may have to change gym's. You may miss some family events because she will be there. These may not be easy choices, but will be better for you in the long run.

In regards to who services your area, if you are in the city limits, then LAPD will be who you want to contact. If not, Los Angeles Sheriff's Office will take your report. CHP probably will refer you to one of those other departments. (but maybe not.)

__________________________________________________ ____

Thank you for replying. She DOESN'T have a membership to the gym, that's why it was weird. She just showed up once a few days after attacking me. She may have used a friend's membership. I don't go to their family events anymore already, which makes his family upset, but they refuse to do anything about her behavior. I am trying to stay low, but I feel like she is seeking me out. I guess you could call it stalking, but I don't know. Thanks again!

[Anya]

unfortunately restraining orders may prevent you from hanging out with his family as much as you would like....YOU decided to be and remain in the situation that you are in. I dont think its the wrong decision, but sacrifices must be made. Perhaps that means you cant hang out with his family at all. Restraining orders vary in time and you would not be able to go to his residence if she lives there as well.

__________________________________________________ ___

Thanks for clearing that up. I don't really think I decided to remain in the situation. I was just hoping it would blow over or... maybe I was just in denial that it was that serious. But How is her following me to places ME deciding to remain in the situation? I will accept the whole "no family on the holidays thing", but that makes her more angry as well because my boyfriend stayed with me on Easter, and that set her off again. I don't understand how that is my fault.