How did you deal with it? (LEO)

[FoodStampz]

How did you deal with the transition from being a civilian to a police officer? For instance, say you had friends that you grew up with and that have been there for you for years but they have went down the wrong path and despise your chosen profession. They feel as though you are the one that is turning your back on them for becoming a LEO even though they know that you have always wanted to be one. Some of my closest friends have chosen a path that requires them to do stupid crap and it's really hard to be the one to tell them that it's stupid, and then you get the common response that it should be legal ect.
I know most of you are going to say that I have to just let go, and I understand that but I never realized how incredibly difficult it was going to be. It makes me worry that I am not going to be able to keep them somewhat safe, and that because of my abandonment that they are going to go on a downwards spiral and perhaps do something that may cause me to morn. I am not saying that anyone I know is going to kill them self or anything like that, but it's going to be hard to adjust to seeing someone that was once a close friend become a person that automatically hates you because you chose to "save the world" instead of follow them down the pooper.

I was just wondering how many of you officers and such have delt with this problem. I know that there has to be a few of you that have encountered this problem in your life and was hoping that someone had some good insight.

[Because I Can]

Stampz, they have to live their own lives. It's their choice to do whatever. No job is going to require them to do stupid stuff. I can only guess that since you state later that their excuse it that it should be legal that they smoke dope. You have to live your life. You can still be their friend, but you can't save them, they have to save themselves.

I have a friend that I grew up with and have been friends with for 30 years now. Since I got hired, he has gone from being in the Navy to having a good job for Owens Corning, to getting fired for repeated absences and such, to full fledged doper. He has called me several times over the years, usually because he wanted advice about this or that. Our other buddy, an attorney, who has represented him several times pro bono hates getting calls from him. I'm always nice to him when I see him, but I don't hang out with him, nor would I. I refuse to possibly be put into a situation where I might be in a room full of dopers and have my retard friend announce to everyone that I'm a cop.

Think about this as well, after you are full-time LEO your two buddies get stopped or arrested and then start dropping your name because you continue to hang out with them. How many times are they going to get stopped and slide because they drop your name. How does that make you look? How will that affect your credibility? How many of their doper friends will start dropping your name? Pretty soon you are the cop with all the doper friends. How trusted are you going to be?

Show me your friends and I'll show you your future. Are your friends whose job "requires them to do stupid stuff" your past or your future?

Just my .02

[FoodStampz]

Thats what I was thinking about the name dropping. Would it be better to just starting letting go now then? I mean just from being a CJ student people already label me as a narc or a cop, even though im not. Would it be better to let them keep that mentality to assist in pushing them away? Just tonight, I told a friend that I have to do another internship at a local police department, and he replied "im scared" and after asking why he simply said "your not going to narc on me are you?" which of course led me to ask "what did you do??" of course he claimed there was nothing but you know it makes me think. These are the people I grew up with and now their #1 concern is me ratting on them for doing whatever they do. Whether it be speeding or jaywalking, they automatically put on the self preserving act which shows that they obviously means they did something stupid and they are afraid of the outcome. Regardless if they know if this is something I feel I was born to do, and they have known that since day one, then why did they continue to stay friends with me? Is it because they think that I can be their scape goat? See this sucks, odd as it may sound, I actually lose sleep over this kind of stuff. Not that it's hard to make new friends or anything, but new friends will never be as close as childhood friends. :confused:

[Shez]

I'm lucky that I never really had to deal with that sort of thing to a great extent.

However my beliefs on it are, just because a good friend does things that you don't approve of, doesn't mean you have to completely cut them loose because of your chosen profession.

They too, need to show you that same respect though, and not do any of those things around you.

At the end of the day, if they're not willing to bestow the same amount of respect upon you that you do them, they're not worth it - easy to say i know. But in the end you will find yourself with the most loyal, respectful and greatest bunch of mates within your department. I've no doubt about it.

[Switchback]

As this is apparently intended to be asked of LEOs, I am moving this to Ask-a-Cop.

[Taz_bb2]

Are your friends going to pay your bills, make your car payment, pay the mortgage, put food on the table, etc...? No. Whatever profession you choose, some will agree and some will disagree. With a normal job in the private sector, making friends and being aware of the friends you keep is no big deal.

But this is not a normal job. For most of us, it's not a job at all...it's our calling. As such, there are certain sacrifices that we are willing make to become and fulfill our dream.

At the end of the day, you are responsible for one persons actions...your own. You can't control how your friends feel or react to you following your heart. If they dis you....so be it. They weren't your friends to begin with, but were merely opportunistic moochers. If they are concerned you will rat them out, then I suggest you assist them in distancing themselves from you. Your association with your friends will come out in the BI, and it will not look favorably upon you of you don't cut it now.

"Friends come and go, but for a precious few, you should hold onto." When you realize how it applies in your life, you have just found wisdom, which will go a long way towards a sucessful career in LE.

[Kimble]

I'm still getting used to the transition. I was a reserve for 2 years before making the change to full-time, which helped me know what I was getting into. But nevertheless, I went from a job where I was a manager in a cushy, air-conditioned office sitting behind a computer awaiting for email messages to pop up on my Outlook to working my tail off in initial in-house training, where we do PT three times a week, sit in training classes (which is kind of like being back in school), and have to do situps at each break.

I know things will be even more different when I get out on the road again, which I can't wait for (should be just 1 more week!), but I still know this was the best career decision I've made so far.

[FoodStampz]

See this is one of those things that's quite difficult to deal with it seems. I am very pleased that you all took the time to share your view/wisdom and I appreciate it quite a bit. I understand where you are coming from and I shall take the time now to see who is really my friends, and who is not. It seems that even though in the past they got me out of some sticky situations that now, as adults, we are bound to go separate ways regardless of how badly we do not want for that to happen. I am trying to sum it up, but it's sort of hard to do that.

[kels]

Some LEOs never learn to handle it.

Old "friends" find out you are a cop and they gradually quit coming around or calling.

You will get the calls "hey man, I got arrested what should I do"
Those too will go away with time.

You will become very wary of people when you are talking to them.
If they are a suspect, you will find they are USUALLY lying to you:D

DO NOT go to work in an area you grew up in. Makes your life a whole lot easier.

The best way to handle name dropping, is tell the person to have the officer call you.
Every once in a while the officer will actually call. Doesnt change anything, but then you can tell the officer your side of what the idiot did.

[DeltaV]

Some of my closest friends have chosen a path that requires them to do stupid crap and it's really hard to be the one to tell them that it's stupid, and then you get the common response that it should be legal ect.

What is this path that "requires" them to do "stupid crap," and what exactly is the "stupid crap?"

Aside from what others have mentioned, you also need to look at how your friends will effect your future career plans. What if you're riding around with them, get pulled over, and an officer finds dope in the car you're riding in. There's a very good chance that you would be charged in addition to your friend, and that would derail your law enforcement career before it started. What if that same thing happened after you became an officer? There's a good chance you'd lose your job and never work in LE again.

How about during your initial background investigation when your background investigator is talking to your friends? Even if you don't give the investigator the names of the ones who are on the "path that requires stupid crap," there's a good chance that they'll find out who they are from your other friends. Any of them have records? That won't look too good on your part having associates with a criminal history.

Sometimes people grow up as they get older and sometimes they don't. Just know that you can put your own future in jeopardy by merely associating with criminals.

[FoodStampz]

What is this path that "requires" them to do "stupid crap," and what exactly is the "stupid crap?"

I am not even sure how to explain it. It's sort of hippie-like I guess. Questioning anything and everything all the time.

That won't look too good on your part having associates with a criminal history.

Sometimes people grow up as they get older and sometimes they don't. Just know that you can put your own future in jeopardy by merely associating with criminals.

See that's where the problem lies, what if you were riding with a friend to say 7-11 to get some pop. This person is known to be a clean individual but you get pulled over on the way there and somehow it comes out there is weed in the car. Then what? Are you supposed to search every car you get into in order to protect yourself? If so, sounds kinda goofy if you ask me. I mean I don't know many people that would do that, LEO's or not. Don't get me wrong, I don't hang out with druggies (that I know of) but just about anyone can be into some crap without others knowing about it, and the only way they would find out about it is going to be like a burnt out tail light or something like that.
Man this is hard to explain lol.

[Because I Can]

I am not even sure how to explain it. It's sort of hippie-like I guess. Questioning anything and everything all the time.



See that's where the problem lies, what if you were riding with a friend to say 7-11 to get some pop. This person is known to be a clean individual but you get pulled over on the way there and somehow it comes out there is weed in the car. Then what? Are you supposed to search every car you get into in order to protect yourself? If so, sounds kinda goofy if you ask me. I mean I don't know many people that would do that, LEO's or not. Don't get me wrong, I don't hang out with druggies (that I know of) but just about anyone can be into some crap without others knowing about it, and the only way they would find out about it is going to be like a burnt out tail light or something like that.
Man this is hard to explain lol.

Why don't you just come out and be direct? Because the more you beat around the bush, the worse its sounding.

No one expects you to search every car you decide to ride in. If there is marijuana in the car when you are stopped, well, was it under your seat or near where you were sitting? Can depend on the officer as well. We have stopped cars and just taken the dope and not charged anyone. We have taken it and charged the person that it was sitting in that spot.

There will be people you will lose as friends the moment you become a cop. But, you will gain many more loyal friends in law enforcement. You may get the chance to find out.

If being in law enforcement is something you really want to do, you really already know the answers to what you are asking.

[FoodStampz]

Well here ya go then. The person I am referring to was all drugged out for a few years in which time I really didn't talk to him much because of his habit and because the fact that it's not really fun to talk to someone so stoned they are almost coma induced. Anyways, last year he supposedly "cleaned up" so I started to talk to him more, and started to hang out with him more, but just recently I found out that he's probably dealing to others. What he is dealing, I don't know. The idea is that he swore that he cleaned up, but what I assumed is that he not only stopped doing drugs but stopped being around them. So tonight, I am with another friend of mine who tells me that the other day this "recovered stoner" came over to visit and he got a phone call. No big deal right? Yeah, don't I wish. Turns out he told whoever was on the phone to meet him at a local bar. This doesn't sound bad until you realize that anyone that knows the "recovered stoner" knows the group which I will refer to as the "nerds" (which is true might I add lol). So him having to leave and meet this person on the phone at a bar raises all kinds of red flags about his possible re-entry into the stoner world. Because had it been someone not going to buy stuff from him, he would more than likely have came over to the "nerd" palace. (videogames and pcs everywhere) As I stated before he made the comment last night about "Your not going to rat on me" now makes total sense and now I know what I must do. I just don't want to make a scene you know? I was thinking that I am just going to blow him off, like don't answer his calls, or talk to him online. This is to show that I have no interest in associating with him at all. Really what I want to do is just call him and give him a 3 hour lecture about growing up but honestly, at this point I don't think that's going to do anything more than just entice the idea of using drugs.

Does my plan sound good? I don't want any drama.

[Because I Can]

You sound like a "busy" person. Be busy when he calls, or going somewhere. You can slowly cut the ties with him. You will always be able to get updates on him if you want to because you will still have some mutual friends.

I last talked to my doper friend a couple of weeks ago. He called to tell me about his doper neighbor. Said he had been clean for over a year and got his driver's license back. I was cordial and told him to keep up the good work. That's pretty much it. I'm okay with that. It's safer for me.