Friends indeed...

[decuervo]

When you were first hired and told your friends about it did they start acting differently toward you? I had this happen last week. I went to see some of my friends from college that I haven't seen since graduation and they thought I'd lost my mind. I just thought it was strange that they felt so uncomfortable about it. Not that I care really, just curious if it's typical. :confused:
Also, now that you're a LEO do you still hang out with the people you did before? I don't know, it just felt strange to be around them when they were so uncomfortable.

[Old Trooper]

The longer you are on the job, the less you will have to do with 'outsiders', for those very reasons. You will do most of your socializing with cops, your closest friends will be cops. Right or wrong, that's how it is, in most cases. And it is probably because of the way non-LEOs act in a social setting. You are the only one introduced by occupation, everyone wants to tell you about a ticket they got, or ask you if you know "so and so"....My guess is most cops will tell you the same thing. Get used to it.

[valycop]

When you were first hired and told your friends about it did they start acting differently toward you? I had this happen last week. I went to see some of my friends from college that I haven't seen since graduation and they thought I'd lost my mind. I just thought it was strange that they felt so uncomfortable about it. Not that I care really, just curious if it's typical. :confused:
Also, now that you're a LEO do you still hang out with the people you did before? I don't know, it just felt strange to be around them when they were so uncomfortable.

decuervo, to answer your first question yes, your friends will act differently towards you. They will take on the air that you have changed even though deep down you are the same person they knew before. To answer the second part of your question you'll know in a very short time who your "real" friends are by those who stick with and support you. Those are the friends you need to maintain contact with because they are the ones who deserve your time and attention. The old saying "been there, done that" certainly applies to me and anyone who becomes a member of the law enforcement community. Keep in contact with these people through every phase of your career and in the end you will maintain a small group of friends who mean something to you.
Law Enforcement is an honorable profession, but it is sad to say not all of your friends nor mine feel the same way we do. Those friends who feel you've changed you don't need and you're better off without them. Hold your head up decuervo you entered one of the most honored professions in the world and are truly one of the elite.

[Kimble]

I still socialize with the same crew, but then I'm also a LEO on a part-time basis. One of these days I'll switch over to full-time LEO, and since I'm aiming for the feds, it's likely I'll move far, far away, and won't keep much contact with my friends now. I can't say I noticed any of my friends acting weird when I decided to take the position with the sheriff's office, as a lot of them said they could see me doing such.

[acreature]

I moved 80 mi south of where I grew up ;)

[Wombat311]

I didn't get any grief from my friends. I still see them and go out with them, though not as much as I'd like, but that's because of the shift work I am on and they work 9 to 5 jobs.

Although, these friends are ones I have known for over 12 years, so I would be surprised if they acted differently towards me.

I don't talk much about my job with them because most of the time, they won't understand, so I give them a couple of funny stories if they ask but then move on to something else.

That said, while I do still speak with my old 'real' friends, the majority of my friends, including the best man for my wedding, are police that I only got to know since becoming a LEO.

[spitfire]

The only person in my life who didn't handle my becoming a cop well, was my boyfriend who ironically enough, is a cop himself...and he's still horrible about it.

But everybody else really surprised me with how supportive and encouraging they were. My family especially were surprisingly great about it. I figured they would be worried sick, but I underestimated their faith in God and their belief that he will watch over me. My dad did sit me down and give me a lecture about crooked cops and not succumbing to the temptations of the job and my brother bought me a 3 inch thick book about police ethics, but I thought it was sweet in a funny kind of way.

With all that said, you may find that your friends eventually become mostly cops, but I would strongly suggest that you try to keep as many of your "regular" friends as possible. This job is consuming enough with out it taking over your personal life as well. I've kept all my original friendships intact, I just see them less now. This may change even more as time goes on, but I'm going to try to keep those friendships intact.

[Wombat311]

The only person in my life who didn't handle my becoming a cop well, was my boyfriend who ironically enough, is a cop himself...and he's still horrible about it.

That's because he sees what female coppers get up to when out on the town! :D

[decuervo]

Thanks everyone. That situation just bothered me a little more than it should have. I appreciate your answers.

[Cat_Doc]

With all that said, you may find that your friends eventually become mostly cops, but I would strongly suggest that you try to keep as many of your "regular" friends as possible. This job is consuming enough with out it taking over your personal life as well. I've kept all my original friendships intact, I just see them less now. This may change even more as time goes on, but I'm going to try to keep those friendships intact.

Young lady, I cannot articulate how impressed I am by the advice you just provided!

It is my opinion, learned late in my career that you absolutely have to separate yourself from the job once in a while. Many years ago I stopped going to the "choir practices" with the younger cops when I realized the following;

The cops, both male and female, clique together and tell their war stories, bragging about what they did, or what they would have done. In the meantime, the spouses end up together talking about kids, jobs, hobbies, school, etc.

In general, if one of the spouses or a civilian walks up to the area of the cops, those young LEOs shut up. This causes, whether intentional or not, an unhealthy "class" distinction between the Blue and the rest of the world.

Now, if you really think about it, just who comes out the real loser in this scenario? The spouses and civilians who don't know what is going on in the "cop circle" or the cops who by their own behavior, begin to cut themselves out the bigger scheme of things?

I found myself only socializing with cops who are my own age and who I have worked with for twenty years. Cops who know how to leave the job at work.

The rest of my friends are doctors, construction superintendents, small business owners, realtors, etc., and it is amazing how we have a good time without me asking about the doc's last surgery he performed, and the doc does not ask me about my latest homicide investigation. We just plain have a good time.

Keep your friends outside of law enforcement in order to keep in touch with the real world. Just politely let them know work stays at work. If they are true friends, they will respect that.

Kudos to you, Spitfire for admirable common sense!

[spitfire]

Thanks Cat_Doc! However, I can't take credit. I've just passing on advice that was given to me. Also, I've seen how miserable cops can be when their life is nothing but the job.

[Cat_Doc]

Thanks Cat_Doc! However, I can't take credit. I've just passing on advice that was given to me. Also, I've seen how miserable cops can be when their life is nothing but the job.

Damn, humble too, amazing! :D

[sgtbear111]

Spitfire and Cat_Doc said it very well.

Tossing out a few thoughts, for what it's worth:
1) social isolation
2) identity wrapped around the job

It is much the same for any high-performance group. Aviators, cops, steelworkers, mountain climbers, firefighters, E/R medics, etc. The military has it's "tight-knit" social groups: submarine crews, combat (CIB) infantrymen, Marine Recon, Spec Ops, USAF aircrews, USCG Lifeboat crews, etc.

The admission rules are set by those who have BTDT, and their acceptance of a new member to the group or unit. Formal (ceremonial) acceptance is such as putting on a badge, wings, title, or a professional degree. I have met some of that very small percentage of fools, idiots and imposters wearing titles, professional credentials, wings or badges. When performance matters, they are found lacking "the right stuff", and they are revealed.

Informal acceptance is deeper, "family", where the bonding occurs, it is PEER ACCEPTANCE and that is "where it is" - period. That is a level of trust measured by trusting your life, or your family, into another person's care, skill, and judgement. Often the test is under extreme circumstances, where one has 'seen the elephant' in combat, or extreme risk for another. IMHO that's the glue that keeps the best who serve out in front, and they have earned their pride in self and their "family".

The French Foreign Legion Code of Honor speaks directly to this, to that bond between men assembled from all over the world. The Legioniare's Code of Honor, Art. 2: "Every Legionnaire is your brother-at-arms, irrespective of his nationality, race or creed. You will demonstrate this by an unwavering and straight forward solidarity which must always bind together members of the same family." (from French Embassy website)

My opinion:
1) it isn't a reality TV show type of acceptance
2) it is a deep sense of "belonging" to something that does matter.
3) it does become a large part of who you are
4) it is habit-forming
5) your personal identity is deeply invested, and the "family" is you

Time passes and we will all leave by: retirement, disability, death, or finding other work. New faces and the old pharts go. We all will move on. This working "family" is an on-duty only entity, by necessity, and for reasons other than social. Turning in those wads of keys, security clerances, the issued gear, the comm center strikes off your radio call sign from the list.......

Question: when the door closes behind you on the last work day?....
Question: who are you, who is the real you, when you leave?
Question: where are and who are your friends when you leave?
Question: will you be ready for the changes?

A question to ask the face in the mirror, like now:
Question: who am I - today? - really?

Back to social isolation and identity crisis. For me it's called Retirement 101.
BTDT too. ;)