Why do some cops act the way they do?

[lennox]

I need some help please. I have been seeing the most terrific guy in the world. He is a Sargeant with the NYPD (he's 34 if that matters). Problem is that he's very protective of his surroundings and not very trusting. He never gets angry but is sometimes very moody. He says he hates talking on the phone to anyone. He acts odd unless I'm with him. Every single time I'm with him he acts like I mean the world to him. But then I know when I go home, I won't hear from him for a few days. He just acts like he's afraid to like me too much and I don't get it. Is it true that cops get a type of ego? Is it true that cops cheat because so many women are "attracted to guys in blue?". I'm going crazy here, I love the guy and need some advice on how to deal with his behavior. He's so afraid of his freedom being taken away but I believe he's afraid of having his time to play poker a few nights a week till 4 in the morning taken away. He's also very stubborn. I feel he needs someone to come home to and a reason to come home. I completely understand the pressures of the job and would never force or suggest anything unless he brought it up. I don't know how to treat and approach certain personal subjects to him, to a cop. I respect any cop but especially him. How do I deal with him? Should I back off and stop making myself so available or are most cops so stubburn that he would'nt react at all? I'm 35 and for the first time in my life I'm in love and I don't know how or what to do with this because I know cops are a rare breed and the things they deal with, the average person can not even comprehend. If any other cop can help me out here I'd appreciate it. He's seen plenty of dead bodies, killings, stabbings, abused children, this has got to mess with someones psyche doesn't it? I feel he's keeping himself in a little world and doesn't want anyone to come in and disrupt him unless he gives them permission. But he makes me happier when we're together then anyone else in the world. I see him about 2 times a week cause I live an hour and a half away. What am I doing wrong? Should I just be patient for as long as it takes? I know being present during 9/11 traumatized him in a certain way that I'll never understand. Shouldn't cops get counseling for things like that whether they think they need it or not?
If I didn't care, I wouldn't ask. ...lennox

[acreature]

Sorry, but I'm lost... Paragraphs are yours and our friend ;)

Sounds like you need a relationship counselor.

[scott715us]

I can see where you are coming from. Obviously there are some issues with the relationship. I'm assuming he's been with NYPD awhile since he is a sergeant and he probably has some pretty thick skin. You need to make him realize all the feelings you have for him. I hate to say give him an ultimatum, but both of you are not getting any younger. If he is not willing to bend a little to make your relationship work, then it will be in your best interest to seek someone else.

[lennox]

Wow Scott, thanks so much. You're advice is absolutely right on target. Believe me, I'll be taking your advice very soon.
Thanks again....lennox
PS, Oh yeah Mr. acreature - I know the paragraph thing! But I am just so frazzled and was thinking so fast, Alright I admit it, I'm just blonde! Have good night

[acreature]

I hope it works out for you.

[txinvestigator1]

And again, this has nothing to do with ask-a cop. He could be a garbage collector and behave the same way. Cops are not dating counselors. :rolleyes:

[DCWoody153]

I hate to say it, but when I read your post....well, it seems to me that you are afraid to say what you are feeling. Spit it out, if he won't let you get close, then maybe he is not Mr. Right.

The only thing I don't remember is if you said how long you had been seeing him. If it's been awhile, then seek counseling.....if you have time invested in a relationship, and you are crazy about a guy, then maybe this will get you over this hurtle.

[lennox]

DCWoody53, I've been seeing him for approx. little over 6 months. I know not long, and you are absolutely right when you say I am afraid to speak up. Guess I have nothing to lose except him if I speak up. Thank you so much for the advice, it helps more than you know.
And txinvestigator- I understand what you are saying, I'm not looking for relationship counselors on this site, I just know that cops lead a different life because of everything they have to deal with. I thought that maybe advice from another officer who could relate to this guys life, would be helpful because advice from a non officer would be useless. I thought even the smallest amount of input from any officer would be very helpful to me and in my decision about what to do. Police officers are a rare breed, this I know. Not everyone can be a cop because it takes a certain integrity, bravery, and fearlessness. So that's why I asked the question I asked. I apologize if you took offense to my question and saw it as useless space on the site. It may mean nothing to you but it means everything to me.

lennox

[Star]

Six months and you're in love? Honey, he's running. He feels smothered. You need to back off a little, in my opinion. Give the guy all the freedom he needs and be happy when you see him. Cook a nice meal for him. Spoil him when he's around you but don't be all mushy and stuff. You have to leave a little "chase" in this relationship or he will lose interest fast. If you're just ready to "give it up" when you're with him, to be honest, that's all he will be coming for (oops, little pun there). There has to be other good things involved. I love a good wrestling match! And it always leads to other things but make it interesting. Don't just let him think you're sitting around waiting for him all the time. Go shooting with him. Surprise him one night and dress up like a hooker for him. LOL! Really!

If he's a cop then he's used to excitement. Make sure you keep the relationship exciting or he will be gone. If you lean to heavy on him, he'll be playing real poker somewhere else.

A little advise from another woman never hurts. Especially if she's a cop too.

[fatboyjim154]

dress up like a hooker

I dressed up like a hooker for my wife once!

She pimped me out, & when I came back with £5.75, she asked me who gave me the .75?

Boy she wasn't happy when I told her it was all of them! :D

[P01IC3M4N]

i think we all have the same character traits. i like to work and be by myself more often than not. crowded places irritate me. if i go somewhere, i go for what i need and leave. phones are to give/receive a message, not waste time with idle conversation. that's to be conducted in person. most women you meet like the idea of dating a cop, but once you live together, they hate that you're working weekends and get called in on your days off.

it's not easy.

[lennox]

Star - Oh my gosh are you so right on the nose. I am too available. Need to keep the chase going. I know if a guy is too easy to get I don't want him anymore, well, back in highschool!. But about just having fun when I am with him, I do, and you're right, I am going to continue to just have fun, and oh yeah, dress up like a hooker now and then! I never express my real feelings for him. I would never tell him I am in love with him. I am so nice to him, I make him trays of lasagna for the week, full body massage everytime I see him(cause I know he wroks hard) and to quote from the movie "pretty woman" I am his "beck and call girl". I adore him and he knows it. I am patient though, he's worth waiting for. Star, thank you so much, it all makes sense. It'll only make me stronger if I back off a bit and see where things go, if he really likes me, I'll know it right? Yes star, advice from a female cop is exactly what I need, thank you so much. Hmmm, wrestling?? We're going out Saturday so who knows!!
and P01IC3M4N - Thank you! you answered my exact reason for writing to this forum, to get advice from police who know where this guy is coming from. So I'm not crazy, seems you feel the same way and don't like bullshi--ing on phones and futzin around waisting time. He likes to be alone alot too!
THANK YOU ALL so much, I'm much happier having received all the great advice from everyone, even the negative stuff. It's helped me realize alot.

[Star]

You're welcome, Lennox! Hope everything goes well. Make him give YOU a massage. ;)