My dad's on drugs, my boyfriend's a cop

[giggles]

I just found out that my dad has been using methamphetamine for at least a year now (including being on it at work). He has also been using marijuana. My mother began to suspect, and just recently was able to confirm. My dad has asked for help, and has indicated that he want's to get clean.

My boyfrieind is a police officer, and we have been together for quite a few years. He and I are very close. My mother is currently keeping this situation very quiet because she doesn't want this to somehow hurt him or his career, because she knows he can't associate with drug users. Right now, we are trying to get my dad some help, but it's a hard, slow process.

I've always been very honest and open with my boyfriend, and do not like to lie to/hide things from him. This whole thing has me very stressed and upset, and I really want to be able to talk to him, because I know he'd be there for me, and provide an ear to listen, and a shoulder to cry on. But, I'm concerned about how it will affect him personally because he is a cop. I plan to tell him eventually anyway, once we get my dad in treatment. But, I'm not sure if it's good to do so now.

How might this affect my boyfriend? Are there certain things he is obliged to do in these circumstances? Should I wait until we've gotten help for my dad? Should I just tell him now? Will he have to stay completely away from my family (or at least my dad) until he's clean? What would you prefer your wife/girlfriend to do?

If it helps, we live in California. I have been told that in California if someone admits they have an addiction, and seeks treatment, they won't be processed criminally.

My mom is also interested in turning his "dealer" in. I'm afraid for her, my father's, and the rest of my family's safety. Though, I'd also like to see this guy in jail, too. Any advice there?

[acreature]

Your boyfriend is not to associate with known drugs dealers and users. KNOWN is the keyword. But if you are truly concerned for youe father and boyfriend, you should tell him. He would know what to do to get help for your father.

You probably know as well as we do, that you boyfriend isn't the cold hearted machine that criminals wopuld have you believe.

[scott715us]

Your scenario is a touchy situation. Before I entered my career I know my dad has done his fair share in a little mj use, but who hasn't? Well, actually, I haven't, but many officers have tried it at least once in their lifetime.

Meth is a little more serious. I do not believe your boyfriend would be cold hearted. If he loves you like you love him, he should know that your dad had a lot to do with the way you turned out as an adult. Meth use is addictive and can lead one down the hard road very fast. I guess my main question would be why and how did he initiate or first start using it.

If your dad is truly getting help, then I'm sure your boyfriend would be supportive, but if he is still an active user, then it's best for them to be apart from each other. #1 for your boyfriend's career and #2 for your dad to stay out of jail and not put your boyfriend in an awkward situation. Good luck

[JD45]

What part of CA do you live in? If you happen to live in San Mateo County I can put in a word to our NTF which would be completely anonymous as long as you had some good information.

In CA possession of meth is a wobbler, meaning it can be charged as a misdemeanor or felony. We usually book on a felony and then let the DA decide whether to change it or not. Being under the influence is a misdemeanor, but the sentence can change from what county you live in. San Mateo is mandatory 90 days in the County Jail. There is Prop. 36 which is diversion (drug treatment) for first time offenders. But there is no 'safety' if someone admits an addiction they won't be charged criminally.

Meth is a pretty nasty drug and it's really common place around here. I'm sure as you've seen first hand it really destroys someone.

I would talk with your BF and let him know what's going on. Then using him as a resource, see if you can find a local rehab that he can be checked into to get cleaned up. Your father's work might have something as well, where if he admits he has an addiction they can help him get cleaned up. Try your local county hospitals as well for treatment programs.

Hope that helps...