advice on minor harassing minor please.

[DANIKAY]

Here is the situation:
my daughter is soon to be 14 ( 8th grade) going in to high school next year...there is a girl the same age and grade..she does not go to her school now ( jr. high) but will go to the same high school next year.
they went to elementary together and has always caused my daughter problems..she has spit on her..hit her....threw gum in her hair...and now spreads vicious rumors about her and threatens to smack her in the face.
or so call "mess her up" .
I tell my daughter to ignore her, but i am actually starting to be afraid my daughter when it comes to high school, this girl is not so nice, comes from a "rougher" neighborhood and a completely disfunctional family ( well i guess we are all like that )....
we do not..we live in the nicer part of town, nicer houses...etc...there isnt nothing wrong with my daughter..she is pretty..nothing to make fun of..i think alot of it is jealously....but this has been going on since 2nd grade!
we changed her school for middle school, but will nto be able to high school...i dont know what to do...im actually scared for her....the counselers in elementary dealth with it a bit... but in high school, im not sure what extent they go to???
i dont know what to do, but i have this feeling something will need to be done.
she spreads vicious rumors such as my daughter has STD'S..etc...which is not true..etc........what can we do. i am sick of it as a parent.
any advise will be helpful please....can we get a restraining order against a minor??? does that do any good??? i know my daughter is at the point where she is scared to go to high school next year...she has alot of friends, but this is one mean girl. ( we are in iowa if that helps at all)
thank you.

deborah ;)

[txinvestigator1]

Tell you daughter to toughen up, and you need to stay out of the name calling and rumor telling. Thats life dear, especially HS.

As far as threats of violence and violence.....it all gets reported to the police and the school administration.

If I may ask, where is your daughters father?

[DANIKAY]

my daughters father is here as well..we are a family of four...i have 2 kids..both girls.
to me this isnt right..
the rumor stuff she can take...but the other crap....i dont think so...i personally told her if it was me, i would turn around and punch the crap out of that girl..but cant do that..i really do not want my kid to be suspended....so we both tell her to ignore her.
oh, and i am sure this girl will not care...she will do whatever it takes to make her miserable....and her parents do not care at all..or i should say parent, her mother who is always in trouble with the law, for something or another.
i mean, where do we draw the line???
after this kid screws up my kids face????
my daughter shoudl be able to walk down a hallway at school and not have to worry about being tossed down the steps right??? should she not feel safe at school????????

[DANIKAY]

oh, i stay out of the name calling, if it was up to me i would like to run her over with my SUV, but cannot do that either. i tell my kid to ignore her, she does not realize how upset i am about this, that is why i am posting here.
we want to keep our kids safe, but we cannot be with them 24/7.
and you hear about all these horror stories of kids and guns and kids killing kids..i really dont want mine to end up a statistic.

deborah

[DANIKAY]

thats what i am starting to figure out, by reading other posts, i thought this was a place for some serious questions and such, not answers like "toughen up and such".
i think tommorrow i will contact my local police, future high school then our attorney and take it from there....i was hoping to find out soem type of answers here right now..since it is late here right now..but will have to wait till tommorrow.
sorry to waste your time.

deborah :(

[Drew27k9]

As far as the name calling, I agree with txinvestigator1. If she is being really being threatened, and you can prove it, call the police and report it. As far as school, contact someone at the school such as the principal, and explain your concerns to them..

[MORA Ranger]

My sister was like the girl who's harassing your daughter. My parents, however, are probably not like hers. My sister beat up a couple kids (one was handicapped) so my parents took her out of school because they didn't want her to hurt anyone else. If she had, the school would've been liable (a point you might want to bring up with the school) since they knew she was dangerous to other kids. Turns out there are special schools for kids like my sister and the school district has to pay for it. My sister now goes to a school where there is a counselor for every student and they can use restraints on the kids without calling the parents. My folks love it. I hope things work out well for you and your daughter.

[gamble]

Just for a hint since you just 4 posts, if you dont know already most of the Law Enforcement Officers here on RP.net have a Verfied LEO Tag OOn the right hand corner on the top of there post.
just making sure.

[Stump]

If I were you, I would docurment EVERYTHING with times, dates, and exactly what was said/done.
In addition, TALK TO THE SCHOOL. You aren't giving them a chance to help you yet. If you are able to provide specific examples, I'm sure that would help too. I would talk to the school and make sure they take it seriously. Is there a school resource officer at your high school? They are becoming much more common these days. Make sure your daughter speaks to that officer as well.
Since this started in second grade, have you ever talked to the girl's parents? If the other school was involved, then I'm sure they know it is a problem. From the sounds of it, though, it doesn't appear they will do anything....
Why talk to your lawyer? I don't see the purpose in that unless you want to find a way to sue the school.
I was never picked on in school, but I know that girls can be especially vicious if they don't like you (and it doesn't take much to not like someone).
Good luck. It sucks that this girl is ruining your daughters enjoyment of school.

[steelcityk9cop]

Talk to the principal at the school and write a letter to him/her. Then the whole incident is in their court and if they don;t take further steps to protect your daughter you have civil outlets. It's not a police matter...... it's a school one.

[DltUNH]

NOT A COP

I think some people's reaction to this original post do not represent people on this board too well. Now I know that this is not a board that is meant to help adolescent bullying, but if someone comes for questions as genuine as she did, I think perhaps pointing them in another direction in a little bit more polite way would be a little bit more constructive.

I was in high school not too long ago, and I know how devestating it is to some who get bullied. Not to have the violins playing, but I too was bullied. I am very different than the majority of students in my area and a lot of name calling was directed my way.

No sweat, it hurt, but you survive. But try telling that to a 14 year old boy or girl. The world is a huge place, but when you are in high school, as sad as it is to say your world is your rep in your high school. I mean I know of kids who have had serious detrimental effects because of bullying. I had thick skin, but there were days where I just didn't want to go to school. Many parents are very overprotective and will do absolutely anything to assist their child (such as moving their daughter to another school to avoid bullying). I think taking such a proactive approach shows just how much this woman cares for her children. Telling someone who feels so strongly about their child to just "toughen up" I think shows as if you don't care for other people's problems. You may or may not, but let's see if we can assist her to the best of our abilities.

For your daughter,
I think you should just remind her that there are people who just aren't going to like her. The world can be a very cruel place sometimes and it really is unfair, but you just have to roll with the punches. It is a very hard lesson to learn, but a very important one. As Tx has said, she will eventually need to toughen up, but the only way to do this is to take the verbal abuse and use it as motivation to be a better person and rise above it. Don't beat up, don't name call, ask her to confront the girl maturely and ask her why she does this. Now I have a feeling that this will never happen, but ask the school to facilitate some type of moderator role. In the post Columbine times , there is a zero tolerance for bullying and schools around here go to great lengths to eliminate it. For this reason the schools in your area would be a better place to find some sort of resolution.

Now if the comments she says are threatening and to which degree, then there may be a need for police involvement. As I am not a police officer I don't know where the line is drawn on what constitutes an arrestable threat and bullying. Maybe if someone could answer this question who is a police officer we could help her and her daughter out.

Hopefully that helps you

[txinvestigator1]

NOT A COP

I think some people's reaction to this original post do not represent people on this board too well. Now I know that this is not a board that is meant to help adolescent bullying, but if someone comes for questions as genuine as she did, I think perhaps pointing them in another direction in a little bit more polite way would be a little bit more constructive.

I was in high school not too long ago, and I know how devestating it is to some who get bullied. Not to have the violins playing, but I too was bullied. I am very different than the majority of students in my area and a lot of name calling was directed my way.

No sweat, it hurt, but you survive. But try telling that to a 14 year old boy or girl. The world is a huge place, but when you are in high school, as sad as it is to say your world is your rep in your high school. I mean I know of kids who have had serious detrimental effects because of bullying. I had thick skin, but there were days where I just didn't want to go to school. Many parents are very overprotective and will do absolutely anything to assist their child (such as moving their daughter to another school to avoid bullying). I think taking such a proactive approach shows just how much this woman cares for her children. Telling someone who feels so strongly about their child to just "toughen up" I think shows as if you don't care for other people's problems. You may or may not, but let's see if we can assist her to the best of our abilities.

For your daughter,
I think you should just remind her that there are people who just aren't going to like her. The world can be a very cruel place sometimes and it really is unfair, but you just have to roll with the punches. It is a very hard lesson to learn, but a very important one. As Tx has said, she will eventually need to toughen up, but the only way to do this is to take the verbal abuse and use it as motivation to be a better person and rise above it. Don't beat up, don't name call, ask her to confront the girl maturely and ask her why she does this. Now I have a feeling that this will never happen, but ask the school to facilitate some type of moderator role. In the post Columbine times , there is a zero tolerance for bullying and schools around here go to great lengths to eliminate it. For this reason the schools in your area would be a better place to find some sort of resolution.

Now if the comments she says are threatening and to which degree, then there may be a need for police involvement. As I am not a police officer I don't know where the line is drawn on what constitutes an arrestable threat and bullying. Maybe if someone could answer this question who is a police officer we could help her and her daughter out.

Hopefully that helps you

Who elected you the RP representative? She was given plenty of good advice here. Momma needs to quit being melodramatic and feeding her daughters problem. :rolleyes:

[doomtsu]

TX is right, everyone has to deal with stuff like that growing up, it's part of life. It all depends on how it's handled.

Personally i'm not against a kid sticking up for him/herself, i think it works better when the kids deal with it on thier own, it's a life lesson. All i can say is that in my experience, when the parents start calling the school, other parents, yelling at the bully, it always makes it harder on the one being picked on. If you think she has it hard now, wait til word gets out that her parents called the school, chances are she could be picked on more. I don't know how it is out in Iowa, but that's how the game went in NJ a few years back.

Granted, if the situation turns physical and she fears for her safety then you need to get involved. If she's just getting picked on verbally, i wouldn't be so quick to jump in the ring.

[DANIKAY]

The verbal stuff is normal, yes, that I agree, and I have told my daughter this, you will have to deal with that kind of crap the rest of your life, even as an adult, people can be buttheads.
The part that I was worried about are the threats, of beating up, and being thrown down the steps, thats the kind of stuff that I am worried about, this is the kind of girl that stays out all night, runs wild, and shes only 13, something is wrong there as far as I am concerned.
The only reason I worry so much, is in second grade this girl took a complete disliking to my kid, and we have no idea why, and pushes her down the steps in elementary, spit in her hair, mud all over her. and from then on....i continued with crap like this.
My kid has alot of friends, it is not like she is a social outcast or anything like this, but there is something about this other girl that is scary...and she does not care what anything or any law has to say about it either.
they do not go to the same junior high as of right now.. but a possiblility of going to high school together next year.....our high school is 9th thru 12th here.
Thats the part that bothers me, the stuff about her saying I am going to smash in her face and crap like that, most kids you can take that with a grain of salt, not with this girl, and thats the part that bothers me....

AND BY THE WAY, MOMMA IS NOT MELODRAMATIC, MOMMA CARES ABOUT HER KIDS! YOU HERE ABOUT VIOLENCE ALL THE TIME ON THE NEWS, KIDS BRINGING GUNS TO SCHOOLS, KNIFES, DRUGS, HMMMMMMMMMMM..THE COLUMBINE INCIDENT?????????????????? MAYBE IF MORE PARENTS GOT INVOLVED AND CARED.....THIS CRAP WOULD NOT HAPPEN!

deborah

[sbrad]

I have a radical idea.
Have you talked to your daughter about being nice to her and possibly trying to befrind this girl? From your description she obviously comes from trash and maybe what she needs is someone who is raised a little differently to be friends with? Maybe that could make the difference in her life.


/liberal touchy-feely button turned off now.