Family matter vs Police matter

[mcdowell]

Hi, I don't wish to waste Police time with what may be viewed as a family matter so I was wondering if I could get some input before doing anything? I have a 19 year stepson, he left our house on Sunday in a car that belongs to my wife and I, and we haven't seen him since (he seems to have moved out - which is fine, he's a problem). I would imagine that he is still in the immediate area and hasn't gone too far. The car that he has taken with him is one that he has always had free access to (registered, insured by us though we require some money from him and his brother), when he left on Sunday we were aware that he was taking the car, he indicated that he would likely stay at a friend's that night - but beyond that, we expected he and the car would return. He doesn't answer his phone when we call. I've sent him text messages informing him to return the car, he ignored most of them but twice has told me he wants the car and he'll send money to buy the car (which, with him, I'd expect to see in around 2015). Besides from the fact that I doubt he'll send money - I want the car. It has also been used by my 17 year old stepson - who isn't a problem at all and deserves the car far more than his brother.
Given that he has always had access to the car, and he has made contributions to insurance etc - where would this stand as a Police matter if we were to report that he has taken the car? He has on a previous occasion stayed out for several days with the car, but he has taken belongings with him this time.
I wouldn't expect an active search for the car, I guess that what I would hope for would be that it is simply listed as 'stolen' and if he has some encounter with Police it may turn up that way.
I still have a key for the car, I continue to look in likely places for him and the car and hope to solve it ourselves, but it really doesn't make me feel comfortable him having it out there given the insurance situation on it.
Sorry for the length of this, would this be considered a Police matter?
Thank you.

[retdetsgt]

I'm afraid not. It would be difficult, if not impossible to prosecute him criminally for using a vehicle he's always had access to. And the police only deal with only the criminal aspect of it. We aren't in the business of "scaring" people. If we can't send him to jail, it's not something we can get involved in.

Good luck, sounds like you have a mess.

[greg72982]

If you do somehow find the car and it's in your name just go and take it back. No keys? Tow it.

[mcdowell]

I'm afraid not. It would be difficult, if not impossible to prosecute him criminally for using a vehicle he's always had access to. And the police only deal with only the criminal aspect of it. We aren't in the business of "scaring" people. If we can't send him to jail, it's not something we can get involved in.

Good luck, sounds like you have a mess.

Thank you for responding. I understand the problems involved. I'm not looking to scare him, I'd just like to be able to get the car back. There is always the possibility that he will make a bad decision and catch the attention of the Police himself, and if the car were to be impounded I believe that my wife and I are the only ones able to get it back (and pay for the privilege...). My younger stepson has a few more ideas about where to find him.

We should have done something about him having keys a while back. Regrets huh.

[mcdowell]

If you do somehow find the car and it's in your name just go and take it back. No keys? Tow it.

Right, thank you. I do still have a key and that's what I intend to do. I'm not sure what we do about the fact that he'd continue to have a key to access it - sad to say I can imagine him coming back for it. I can even imagine him going to the 17 year old's school or job and helping himself.

[L-1]

In my state there have to be specific conditions associated with the loan of a car before there can be a theft. "Yes, you borrow the car but you must have it back by tomorrow." Unfettered, at will access such as you describe negates that.

Once you locate the car and retrieve it, I would suggest you have the locks re-keyed. I know it's expensive, but it's a start at ending the problem. You also need to contact your step son in person and notify him that he is no longer allowed to borrow the car. Make note of the date and time you did this. Whoever the registered and legal owners of the vehicle must be in agreement on this and not later give him permission to take the car or give him the new keys.

Should the car turn up missing, then you can report it stolen. It will be entered in the stolen vehicle computer as such and when the plate is run by a passing patrol car, your vehicle will be stopped and recovered. However, the operator of the vehicle will also be arrested and prosecuted for auto theft. If it turns out to be your stepson, you will not be able to turn around and say, "That's OK, let him go. We just wanted our car back." In order to have the police recover you car you must report it as stolen. The price for that is whoever is in possession of it will be treated as a thief. That's just how it works.

[mcdowell]

Thanks for responding L-1. I had been thinking about having the locks re-keyed. Yes, expensive, more than the car's really worth! But like you say, it's likely a necessary step if we want to be serious.
If I were to notify my stepson by leaving a message on his phone - is that sufficient? If he continues to be difficult to contact.
I understand that we wouldn't be able to say "let him go", and that we will need to consider this all very carefully. I suppose honestly, if he's going to end up in legal trouble I'd rather he got himself in it than for us to drop him in it. He's into drugs (not an addict...yet), so far he's some how managed to avoid trouble but I imagine you can't avoid it forever. The other reason I want the car back is I hate the idea of him out there with it, I think he's more likely to drive in any state he wants if he's not going to see us at all.

[L-1]

Leaving a phone message won't work because he can deny ever having received or played it.

There is another factor to consider here as well. In most states, the registered owner is civilly liable for any damage done by the driver of a vehicle. If he is involved in an "at fault" accident, you may be on the hook for damages above and beyond the limits of your insurance. Given his "I'll show you" state of mind, I would make every effort to get the car back, change the locks and make the notifications to him as soon as possible.

As an alternative, I might consider getting the car back, selling it and buying a replacement vehicle. Then there is no more question as to whether he had permission to take your vehicle.

[mcdowell]

Ok, so we need some actual contact with him.

There is another factor to consider here as well. In most states, the registered owner is civilly liable for any damage done by the driver of a vehicle. If he is involved in an "at fault" accident, you may be on the hook for damages above and beyond the limits of your insurance. Given his "I'll show you" state of mind, I would make every effort to get the car back, change the locks and make the notifications to him as soon as possible.

Yes, the liability is a big concern to me. My 17 year old stepson knows some of the people 19 year old knows, he's trying to find out if he found a new job and where that is. I told "17", don't go ahead and try to get it back yourself, I'll go with him. Neither of them would be an intentional danger to the other, but they're going to be fighting-brothers about it.

As an alternative, I might consider getting the car back, selling it and buying a replacement vehicle. Then there is no more question as to whether he had permission to take your vehicle.

You are right. That would make "17" very sad. But, it would solve every problem.

[mcdowell]

Hi again, the 17 year old found out where the 19 year old is working so we went and collected the car, didn't see 19 at the time (so no drama) and I sent him a text telling him we had the car. The 17 year old is keeping the car in the garage and we've put a steering wheel lock on it in the meantime while we decide what to do with it. So he shouldn't be able to go take it from 17's school - to be honest I have no idea how effective those locks are? I assume it might be a deterrence for him - though 19 has already had at least one go at tampering with it.
19 showed up at home the afternoon after we'd collected the car, the house had been empty and when I got home he was in the garage having a go at the lock. So I took the opportunity to inform him that he is no longer allowed to use the car. I took "f you" as acknowledgement that he heard me. He refused to return his key for the car - I don't know what we can do about that? (sell the car maybe)
So he still has a key for the car, and a key for the house (and his mother doesn't want to demand the house key back yet). The house key is going to be my next concern, he knows our schedules, and - he was high on something while he was trying to get the car.
But he took a few more things from his room and left without causing too much trouble. Though he did accuse me of stealing his things and threatened to have me charged. I admit taking things out of his room, but they were a couple of pipes (which I threw) and some unidentified pills (which I flushed) so I don't think he will call Police.

Can I ask, does he own what's left in his room? And, if he follows the general drug user pattern, if he were to take things from the house would we have that same problem as with the car, given that we're allowing access?

Thank you for your time.

[retdetsgt]

Take the car to a dealer and you can get the locks changed on the car. Although I think it would be better to get rid of it and get another for the 17 year old. That way the 19 year old won't believe so much that he has a right to it.

I would change the locks on the house if he has a key and no longer let him have access unless you are there. You can tell him to take what he and you agree is his by a certain date and after that, he gets nothing.

[mcsap]

Bag up any remaining property of his and tell him he can come get it and trade his house key for it. If you don't put your foot down NOW , you WILL have future problems with him coming into your home while you aren't there and taking food, property or whatever.

If the car has a separate ignition key from the door, you only have to get the ignition redone. Or you could have a hidden ignition switch installed so that it has to be flipped on to start the car.

[mcdowell]

Thanks for the suggestions for the car and his belongings. I am leaning more towards replacing the car. With each suggestion I take a look at the car and wonder if that's the wisest way to spend money.

I agree about putting your foot down now. The problem right now is convincing my wife. I've seen others have a kid go this way, into drugs etc. Since he has no interest in rethinking this direction right now - I know what comes next (needing money to buy more). My wife still sees her kid. 5 years ago I would have never thought I'd be considering changing the lock on the door because of him. But drugs change everything.