Police Officer Preparation & Law Enforcement Resource - Archive

Does any other wife or husband of a police officer deal with this? I love his job because he wants to be a cop and I want to support what he does. I hate his job because it will literally change his personality for a few weeks when he has to deal with bad bosses.

There are bad bosses in every career. I know IT guys with bad bosses, plumbers with bad bosses, retail people with bad bosses, teachers with bad bosses, and secretaries with bad bosses.

If the bosses are your worst problem, you're doing okay.

-Citicop.

There are bad bosses in every career. I know IT guys with bad bosses, plumbers with bad bosses, retail people with bad bosses, teachers with bad bosses, and secretaries with bad bosses.

If the bosses are your worst problem, you're doing okay.

-Citicop.

Agree. You can get that no matter what you do!

Jen:
Not sure what you are getting at. Everyone has bad bosses, just be supportive. Is there more to this story?

The thing that gets to me is that if I have a bad work situation I could always switch jobs or companies. But he has 20 years before retirement. He can't go to another department because he'll lose the time put in plus the pay drops. The situation will eventually get better but right now I feel a little trapped.

The thing that gets to me is that if I have a bad work situation I could always switch jobs or companies. But he has 20 years before retirement. He can't go to another department because he'll lose the time put in plus the pay drops. The situation will eventually get better but right now I feel a little trapped.

So, are you the one that is upset or is he? I guess I am just a bit confused. It sucks if he is having problems with his superiors, but how is he handling it? You mentioned that "it changes his personality", how so?

Also, it sounds like he is new, maybe he just needs to adjust or perhaps he is being tested at work.

It isn't about the money or benefits. If he is miserable on the job then he needs to find another dept or another job. If it sucks and all you think about is how much it sucks then you aren't focused on the job and pretty soon you stop caring and then the public suffers as does your career. More important is not being distracted at work, that is when people get hurt.

If you are only with an dept for the benefits and pay but hate the job what is the point of staying.

As far as mood there are a lot of things that affect mood. It is important for you to listen and be supportive but not a scapegoat. Everyone needs to vent and I have found that my wife is a great person to vent to, but not on. She also appreciates it because she gets a better view of what I do at work.

There are bad bosses in every career. I know IT guys with bad bosses, plumbers with bad bosses, retail people with bad bosses, teachers with bad bosses, and secretaries with bad bosses.

If the bosses are your worst problem, you're doing okay.

-Citicop.

I agree with this too. I have a horrible boss myself, and at my job there's quite a few of them. My Regional boss comes in once every other month, and doesn't know anything about some of the people, but just comes in to criticize. Then my actual store manager who has yelled at me for calling off to be admitted into the hospital. That was illegal, and I put him in his place about it, but bad bosses are just something you have to deal with it. Almost any1 with power and authority are aholes.

I agree with this too. I have a horrible boss myself, and at my job there's quite a few of them. My Regional boss comes in once every other month, and doesn't know anything about some of the people, but just comes in to criticize. Then my actual store manager who has yelled at me for calling off to be admitted into the hospital. That was illegal, and I put him in his place about it, but bad bosses are just something you have to deal with it. Almost any1 with power and authority are aholes.

Not true, I have a lot of power and authority but I'm only an *** to the people who need it. I don't like to be but sometimes it has to be done.

I understand what you're saying and there's nothing wrong with having to be that way when you need to be. I was mainly talking about those that abuse their power and are 24/7 jerks just for the heck of it. Didn't mean to offend you in any way, I was just speaking for the vast majority.

The thing that gets to me is that if I have a bad work situation I could always switch jobs or companies. But he has 20 years before retirement. He can't go to another department because he'll lose the time put in plus the pay drops. The situation will eventually get better but right now I feel a little trapped.

Sounds like you have a job and he has a career.

The thing that gets to me is that if I have a bad work situation I could always switch jobs or companies. But he has 20 years before retirement. He can't go to another department because he'll lose the time put in plus the pay drops. The situation will eventually get better but right now I feel a little trapped.
Happiness is more important than money.... though money helps with being happy :)

20 years til retirement is a long time. He has plenty of time to make a change.

Does any other wife or husband of a police officer deal with this? I love his job because he wants to be a cop and I want to support what he does. I hate his job because it will literally change his personality for a few weeks when he has to deal with bad bosses.

I am the wife also. I also love my husband's job because it is what he wants to do and it makes him happy...or so he says. But I hate his job because he never seems happy. He has turned into a completely different man than I married! I was "warned" that this would happen before he went into the Academy 10 years ago but he swore that he wouldn't become "that guy". Well, 3 children later and lots of stress, he has become "that guy".

He thinks that I use his job as an excuse for everything that I don't like that he does. He doesn't see that his job has turned him into a pessimistic, negative, non-trusting person. He treats everyone like they're a criminal--including our children. He is short-tempered, self-centered/selfish, paranoid, anti-social, and controlling. He had none of these attributes before he became a LEO. I feel like I am in constant competition with his career--to keep the husband I married! Unfortunately, right now, I am not winning the battle!

People in marriages often talk about the person they married 'X' number of years ago and 'where they went.' The fact is, people change and that's not what is normally show in the Hollywood love stories that people pay to see. The younger a couple is when they get married, the more drastic those changes tend to be over time.

Just as he's changed over time, you probably have, too. Of course, you don't have the influences that he does due to his job, so your changes are probably to a smaller degree. Marriage is about sharing your life and love with someone. It's not a competition or a battle to keep your partner preserved like they were hermetically sealed on your wedding day. The both of you will have to adapt and change for each other over time. Were you exposed to the daily grind that your husband faces, you would either run away or adapt yourself to do the job, do it safely and get home to your family.

Don't lament the person your husband has become. Embrace it. Work with him, meet him in the middle and stop trying to "win." You never will...

I totally agree with your statement. People do change over time. Most of the time people can only identify the changes in others.

I work as a security officer, and I am trying to become a LEO. At the site I am at I will have trouble not feeling like "Paul Blart" because of some of the rediculous stuff I have to enforce. I also feel really good when I do somthing good, like enforce a guideline that is a good one.

I also test out every couple of months for the oppertunity to have an icecubes chance to become a LEO. I give that test 100%, every time, nomatter what. When I get farther than I have before, I feel like I am flying. When I get that letter saying that I am out of the process or "in the pool of potential future candidates" I feel worse than imaginabul.

That being said, people have ups, and downs. My girlfriend (will be wife after her college) supports me through up's, and expecially the downs. I do the same for her. A relationship takes being there for one another, and that includes "personality changes." If he is a LEO then I know how strong he had to be to become one. Every test I get closer, and better, and it always is harder to stick with it.

I suggest that you stick with him. Encourage him. Nurture the relationship. Being a LEO was probubly his dream, and it took a lot of work to get where he is. Just like being with you is a dream for him, and that relationship took a lot of work. But with either of those, you moust continue to work, or you will fail.

I think I've seen more divorces when it's the wife that becomes a cop and the husband isn't. I don't know if they get more confident and get farther out of the the "traditional" roles or not. But very few that I saw coming on married stayed that way.

One problem I've seen in some marriages is that the cop wants to bring the power and authority he has at work to his home. That can make things ugly.

As far as bosses, bad ones are everywhere. I had a cartoon above my desk that showed Charlie Brown wearing a suit. The caption was, "Doing a good job is like peeing in your pants while wearing a dark suit. It feels good to you, but no one else notices".