Police Officer Preparation & Law Enforcement Resource - Archive

Hello all! I was hoping I could get some advice on how to help my LEO hubby with his sleep deprivation (he works nights).

It seems like no matter how much sleep he gets, its never enough!

I try to keep the kids quiet and in another part of the house while he sleeps, do most of the cleaning, cooking, lawn care, paying bills, running errands, etc. (I even work full time!) so that he can sleep longer.

Even on his days off he seems so exhausted to the point where it is making him miserable and thus making me miserable :eek:

I try to be as patient and supportive as possible but I am puzzled as to what more I can do for him. So, I am seeking out some opinions from other cops and/or their significant others.

My two questions are:
1.) Is this typical for someone who is working the midnight shift? If you work the midnight shift, how do you get more restful sleep?
2.) Is there anything more I can do to accomodate my husband?

*sigh* I have asked him directly, however, he always says "I don;t know".

Any insight or advice is appreciated! Thanks!

SexySunshine

Are you sure it's not a medical condition such as sleep apnea?

Sleep Apnea, What Is (http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/dci/Diseases/SleepApnea/SleepApnea_WhatIs.html)

Hummmmmm.....I didn't even think about that. Im going to check out the link that you included in your reply for more info. Thank you :-)

is your hubby new on the job? If yes the only thing I can say is that he will eventually get a bit used to it and will develop a routine that will get him there. I switch shifts every month and that absolutely destroys my sleep cycle. When I started out I needed energy drinks and coffee every morning when I worked days, most times when i worked nights and sometimes even on 3 to 11pm shift. Now I can go to work without that stuff. If he doesnt have any sort of medical condition then I believe he'll just get used to it. As for you doing all the work around the house...i wish my wife was like that....no matter how tired i am or what shift i'm on, i better be helping her out somewhere or i wont get any sleep no matter the time of the day.

I have it. First thing I thought when you said he was tired ALL the time was this guy has sleep apnea.


P.S. When it's all said and done, get an APAP and not a CPAP.

PPSC Training: Surviving the Nightshift (http://www.theppsc.org/Services/Courses/SNS.htm)

If it is not a medical issue, it could certainly be a stress induced issue.

Is your husband still working out and staying shape? Does he get out and do stuff with the family on his days off, or does he just want to laze around the house?

Something isn't right...he should not be like this.

is your hubby new on the job? If yes the only thing I can say is that he will eventually get a bit used to it and will develop a routine that will get him there. I switch shifts every month and that absolutely destroys my sleep cycle. When I started out I needed energy drinks and coffee every morning when I worked days, most times when i worked nights and sometimes even on 3 to 11pm shift. Now I can go to work without that stuff. If he doesnt have any sort of medical condition then I believe he'll just get used to it. As for you doing all the work around the house...i wish my wife was like that....no matter how tired i am or what shift i'm on, i better be helping her out somewhere or i wont get any sleep no matter the time of the day.

Thanks for the response! He has been on midnights for almost 4 years (out of his 6 years total). I thought he would be used to it by now but he doesn't seem to be. I was reading the link on sleep apnea and his symptoms doesn't really seem to apply, however, I think it is worth mentioning to his primary care dr just in case.

I heard that swing shifts are the worse! I am sorry to hear that! Have you talked to your wife about cutting you a little bit of slack with doing some things around the house? I dont know your situation but in the beginning I honestly was not as supportive as I am now which caused some rift in the marriage. I was angry that he was not home, didn't call me, worked long hours, didn't pitch in to help around the house, etc. Long story short - I never fully realized how stressful and demanding being a cop was. Long story short I learned my lesson , we went to a therapist who specializes with police officers and their relationships and I am happy to say that things are MUCH better. I'm just sorry that I didn't realize it sooner - it would have saved us from ALOT of bad feelings.

This is one of the reasons why I wanted to join this board. I wanted to learn more from other officers about how they deal with their marriages and what works best for them in order to make it successful.

Off the original topic, do you guys schedule your date nights? How do you handle being apart from each other?

PPSC Training: Surviving the Nightshift (http://www.theppsc.org/Services/Courses/SNS.htm)

THANKS FOR THE LINK! I am going to check this out for sure and forward to him!!! :)

If it is not a medical issue, it could certainly be a stress induced issue.

Is your husband still working out and staying shape? Does he get out and do stuff with the family on his days off, or does he just want to laze around the house?

Something isn't right...he should not be like this.

Yes he is still working out - he is in great shape *drooling*. Sorry :p . He tries to go to the gym at least 3-4 times a week and then he has 2 MMA classes he attends every week. It cuts into what little family time we have but I know he enjoys it.

We schedule family events on his days off and try to do them around his normal sleep schedule. Even then he seems to be exhausted. He prefers to stick around the house. Even when I schedule a date night out for us - and I go all out when planning our dates together - he seems to not be into it.

When I ask him if he is happy or bored or whatever he always responds with "I'm just tired hon". I even have nicely pointed out that I am picking up more and more things around the house so he can get more sleep, which he totally acknowledges and appreciates . . . he just can't give me a straight answer except "Im tired".

Now this whole thing is interrupting our - "private" times together. Not that I am tooting my own horn here but I have been told that I am an attractive lady and have even asked him if he still finds me attractive and he says "Its not you, its me".

Im not trying to air my dirty laundry out here - but looks like the window is cracked open a bit - but I didn't know if this was common among the profession, the shift or if this is an individual issue.

I do appreciate the insight from you guys! So thanks in advance ;)

Im not trying to air my dirty laundry out here - but looks like the window is cracked open a bit

Yep, but I stay away from "dirty laundry."

This can be a cruel world. Wishing the best for the both of you.

Yep, but I stay away from "dirty laundry."

This can be a cruel world. Wishing the best for the both of you.

Thanks Cat_Doc :) Maybe we should go back to the counseling . . . . . . .

Madam, your husband is a bad word. There is no known cure for this except hypnotism, or testosterone injections. You may get slapped around a bit when in this treatment, but it may be worth it. (Just kidding, :D:D:)

How old is he? I had this problem when I was in my late 20's and early 30's, but it seemed to go away when I got more comfortable when I learned the how to handle the stress a little more, and believe me, that takes some time. You go from a civilian to handling peoples problems whatever they may be in an instant. It can be draining. I would suggest that he gets at least 8 hours of sleep a night and move around a bit, jogging, walking etc. some each day. I know working out gave me energy when I was working midnights.

Is he possibly suffering from some depression? Any Alcohol abuse going on?

As a police officer I have seen and dealt with some of the most horrific and completely heartbreaking things that most people couldn't even imagine. Yet we continue to do it because we wouldn't want anyone else to have to deal with it. At times it can be overwhelming.

I'm just tossing out ideas due to the fact that I don't know what is going on in your home. If you think it is more of a marital issue may I suggest this book.

Amazon.com: The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands (9780060520618): Laura Schlessinger: Books

I have it. First thing I thought when you said he was tired ALL the time was this guy has sleep apnea.


P.S. When it's all said and done, get an APAP and not a CPAP.

THanks for the response. Would asking his primary care dr about be enough or do you have to see a specialist?

Normally his primary would set him up to see a specialist.
The specialist will then do a sleep study on him where he would spend a night in a controlled environment ( mock up bedroom). Some symptoms of sleep apnea are inability at times to concentrate, fatigue, headaches. I wanted to sleep another twelve hours after sleeping for twelve.
FYI , sleep is a relatively new field and from experience have found that if a doctor does not know answers to problems then his or her ego may disregard them and or you.
After spending time on the net and reading books I diagnosed myself and had to see three doctors until I found one who wanted to give me a sleep study.
I had severe apnea and would stop breathing about 73 times per hour.
Two of the docs said I had no issues and they had never heard of sleep paralysis which was another symptom I was having and looked at me like I was crazy when I told them my symptoms.
Good luck and if he does have apnea then one of those little machines will change his life.