aCopsGF
07-02-09, 02:55 AM
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Brendon
07-02-09, 03:45 AM
I'm no expert, but it's very hard to have a relationship when you're that far apart anyways. He may have seen something that has disturbed him, he may not want to see you anymore. I don't know, I'm not him. :p
aCopsGF
07-02-09, 03:58 AM
I know you're not him. :p If I could ask him I would. The distance can't be helped while I'm in university. Some actual advice would be greatly appreciated.
suzanne1020U.S.
07-02-09, 04:18 AM
Hi, here is my advice....move on and wait for him to phone you.
When he does phone don't call him again until he phones you at least 10 times, and then still don't phone him. :)
Truth is it has nothing to do with his occupation and everything to do with the fact he's just not interested in being with you anymore.
It's not the fact your ex-boyfriend doesn't wish to speak to you, it's the fact he feels he can't speak to you.
Why? Only you know why.
This was pretty straight forward, but you deserve the truth. :)
I wish you the best.
When he does phone don't call him again until he phones you at least 10 times, and then still don't phone him. :)
Truth is it has nothing to do with his occupation and everything to do with the fact he's just not interested in being with you anymore.
It's not the fact your ex-boyfriend doesn't wish to speak to you, it's the fact he feels he can't speak to you.
Why? Only you know why.
This was pretty straight forward, but you deserve the truth. :)
I wish you the best.
aCopsGF
07-02-09, 05:47 AM
Maybe you're right, thanks. :(
pac201
07-02-09, 06:21 AM
Hi, here is my advice....move on and wait for him to phone you.
When he does phone don't call him again until he phones you at least 10 times, and then still don't phone him. :)
Truth is it has nothing to do with his occupation and everything to do with the fact he's just not interested in being with you anymore.
It's not the fact your ex-boyfriend doesn't wish to speak to you, it's the fact he feels he can't speak to you.
Why? Only you know why.
This was pretty straight forward, but you deserve the truth. :)
I wish you the best.
that is tough love ^^^
but she's right, if he's as withdrawn as you say then it is time to move on with your life...sorry.
Good luck and best wishes!
When he does phone don't call him again until he phones you at least 10 times, and then still don't phone him. :)
Truth is it has nothing to do with his occupation and everything to do with the fact he's just not interested in being with you anymore.
It's not the fact your ex-boyfriend doesn't wish to speak to you, it's the fact he feels he can't speak to you.
Why? Only you know why.
This was pretty straight forward, but you deserve the truth. :)
I wish you the best.
that is tough love ^^^
but she's right, if he's as withdrawn as you say then it is time to move on with your life...sorry.
Good luck and best wishes!
aCopsGF
07-02-09, 10:18 AM
I just keep reading how cops feel them selves changing and about how they feel like they don't have emotions anymore. I just thought maybe he was thinking he didn't feel anything for me because he can't feel anything at all anymore. Does that make sense? I don't know. He's just so different now. He still tries. He calls me a little and texts alot. Really I speak to him nearly every day dispite what has happened. I'm just heartbroken and confused.
Switchback
07-02-09, 10:28 AM
Unless the poor guy was at 9/11, having such a drastic change in the first 9 months on the job (where you often have more guidance from coworkers), he is in for a rough career.
Many here have been through a bunch o' crap. You HAVE to learn to deal with it. Some just aren't cut out to be on the job... they can't process things and put them where they belong (psychologically speaking).
Post 9/11, many agencies/departments have gotten much better at recognizing and assisting personnel after traumatizing events. There are a ton of good books on it, as well as many professionals across the country who are good at helping. We had mandatory counseling after returning from our overseas operations and it was covered at length, so we were given a lot of the info.
With all the help and knowledge out there, some people still just can't deal. It does not make them lesser of a person. It just makes it harder to be in certain career fields.
Many here have been through a bunch o' crap. You HAVE to learn to deal with it. Some just aren't cut out to be on the job... they can't process things and put them where they belong (psychologically speaking).
Post 9/11, many agencies/departments have gotten much better at recognizing and assisting personnel after traumatizing events. There are a ton of good books on it, as well as many professionals across the country who are good at helping. We had mandatory counseling after returning from our overseas operations and it was covered at length, so we were given a lot of the info.
With all the help and knowledge out there, some people still just can't deal. It does not make them lesser of a person. It just makes it harder to be in certain career fields.
Drew27k9
07-02-09, 12:32 PM
He seems to check out emtionally from me unless it has something to do with sex. When we're together he's very passionate and loving. When we can't be together he's more interested in playing video games or being with his friends than being with me.
Since you guys are two hours apart, and I am trying not to be rude, but he probably is getting it from someone else. Forget him and move on.
Since you guys are two hours apart, and I am trying not to be rude, but he probably is getting it from someone else. Forget him and move on.
grumpyirishman
07-02-09, 12:49 PM
Since you guys are two hours apart, and I am trying not to be rude, but he probably is getting it from someone else. Forget him and move on.
Exactly what I was going to say!!! You are very wise Drew.
aCopsGF, it's not the job that is affecting him. We have all used that excuse from time to time. Usually it is not really the job. It's all the new women the uniform attracts. Of course, he still does sex with you. We guys do that. The more clingly you get, the more you will be pushed away, except for the sex of course. Both of you need to grow up and mature as individuals before anything will work as a couple...:cool:
/s/ Grumpy one who has been burned out so many years he lost count.
Exactly what I was going to say!!! You are very wise Drew.
aCopsGF, it's not the job that is affecting him. We have all used that excuse from time to time. Usually it is not really the job. It's all the new women the uniform attracts. Of course, he still does sex with you. We guys do that. The more clingly you get, the more you will be pushed away, except for the sex of course. Both of you need to grow up and mature as individuals before anything will work as a couple...:cool:
/s/ Grumpy one who has been burned out so many years he lost count.
aCopsGF
07-02-09, 06:04 PM
Thanks guys. I sincerely appreciate all of the thoughts and comments. Although I may not like or agree with some of them, they all have made me think. I really need to analyze how I feel about him and the situation before I worry about how he feels.
suzanne1020U.S.
07-02-09, 07:27 PM
Maybe you're right, thanks. :(
I would like to had, angel, that you deserve a gentleman to phone you and treat you like a gold everyday for the rest of your life. Keep high standards for yourself and men will treat you with the standards you give them.
Get that degree, and be the fabulously successful lady you are meant to be.
Hugs!!!
I would like to had, angel, that you deserve a gentleman to phone you and treat you like a gold everyday for the rest of your life. Keep high standards for yourself and men will treat you with the standards you give them.
Get that degree, and be the fabulously successful lady you are meant to be.
Hugs!!!
Samuel
07-03-09, 06:54 AM
My boyfriend has been a police officer for about 9 months now. While in the academy everything with him was going well. Now that he has hit the streets he is very different. He doesn't ever talk about his feelings, he can't hold deep conversations with me, he says he can't deal with the "emotional stuff", and he even broke things off with me entirely. He said he just feels differently. He says he doesn't care about anything in his life anymore. He says he can't feel anything. I tried asking him if there was something specific that he was upset about but he couldn't tell me anything. He said he just didn't know and that he didn't feel happy anymore.
He says that he likes being a cop and that he doesn't think the job is affecting him but I think that it is. He seems to check out emtionally from me unless it has something to do with sex. When we're together he's very passionate and loving. When we can't be together he's more interested in playing video games or being with his friends than being with me.
I guess my question is this.. I know that the life of a police officer is difficult and without a doubt affects their thinking and personality.. but is there a way to balance your work life and your normal life? Is there some way that I can suggest to him that he needs to find this balance? I wish he could talk to me but he won't. I am deeply in love with this man and don't want to see him hurting. He says that he doesn't feel anything at all.. is that a normal feeling for all police officers? Can he never love me again? :(
(We actually live 2 hours away from eachother. I'm in university and we hardly see eachother. Our relationship has had to survive through phone and texts.)
IMO - try to redirect your energies into earning your degree(s). Sounds like he still has some maturing to do...
He says that he likes being a cop and that he doesn't think the job is affecting him but I think that it is. He seems to check out emtionally from me unless it has something to do with sex. When we're together he's very passionate and loving. When we can't be together he's more interested in playing video games or being with his friends than being with me.
I guess my question is this.. I know that the life of a police officer is difficult and without a doubt affects their thinking and personality.. but is there a way to balance your work life and your normal life? Is there some way that I can suggest to him that he needs to find this balance? I wish he could talk to me but he won't. I am deeply in love with this man and don't want to see him hurting. He says that he doesn't feel anything at all.. is that a normal feeling for all police officers? Can he never love me again? :(
(We actually live 2 hours away from eachother. I'm in university and we hardly see eachother. Our relationship has had to survive through phone and texts.)
IMO - try to redirect your energies into earning your degree(s). Sounds like he still has some maturing to do...
aCopsGF
07-03-09, 12:52 PM
I would like to had, angel, that you deserve a gentleman to phone you and treat you like a gold everyday for the rest of your life. Keep high standards for yourself and men will treat you with the standards you give them.
Get that degree, and be the fabulously successful lady you are meant to be.
Hugs!!!
Thank you Suzanne :)
Get that degree, and be the fabulously successful lady you are meant to be.
Hugs!!!
Thank you Suzanne :)
noelchabanel
07-03-09, 02:57 PM
Since you guys are two hours apart, and I am trying not to be rude, but he probably is getting it from someone else. Forget him and move on.
Good advice...he's only had the job 9 months, unless he is a police officer in a war torn middle eastern country, that isn't probably the issue. I think he is probably just young and a bit selfish, like many college age guys are (I know I was). I'd enjoy the opportunity focus on my studies, spend time with my own friends, and look for a new person treat you special if I were you.
Good advice...he's only had the job 9 months, unless he is a police officer in a war torn middle eastern country, that isn't probably the issue. I think he is probably just young and a bit selfish, like many college age guys are (I know I was). I'd enjoy the opportunity focus on my studies, spend time with my own friends, and look for a new person treat you special if I were you.
WilliamTomFrank
07-03-09, 04:42 PM
Sorry to hear that. Relationships can be extremely complicated:mad:
On a light note......Im very avialable:D
On a light note......Im very avialable:D
Blackgoat06
07-04-09, 02:25 AM
I would like to had, angel, that you deserve a gentleman to phone you and treat you like a gold everyday for the rest of your life. Keep high standards for yourself and men will treat you with the standards you give them.
Get that degree, and be the fabulously successful lady you are meant to be.
Hugs!!!
Why do you keep using the word "phone you?" Are you E.T.? :D
http://www.star.le.ac.uk/edu/Root_folder/et.jpg
Get that degree, and be the fabulously successful lady you are meant to be.
Hugs!!!
Why do you keep using the word "phone you?" Are you E.T.? :D
http://www.star.le.ac.uk/edu/Root_folder/et.jpg
suzanne1020U.S.
07-07-09, 01:31 AM
Why do you keep using the word "phone you?" Are you E.T.? :D
http://www.star.le.ac.uk/edu/Root_folder/et.jpg
Just 'cause. lol
http://www.star.le.ac.uk/edu/Root_folder/et.jpg
Just 'cause. lol
lambchop
07-07-09, 03:57 PM
acopsgf, careers aside, when a guy pulls away from you like that, give him space. Give him tons and tons of space. If he calls you (and you need to stop contacting him) keep it brief and LIGHT. Don't try to do any relationship talk stuff whatsoever. He's a big boy and he can take care of himself just fine. Just be there for him (I really would not have sex with him, but thats just me personally) be sweet and friendly and most of all get out and live life. Be fulfilled and happy. That is one of the best things you can do for a guy and still love him (in a way that he understands love).
Before you get seriously involved with any guy, I would very highly recommend the book Love and Respect by Emerson Eggeriches. It's faith based,, but you can ignore that part and just read the stuff about what men consider loving. Your bf will thank you for it. *hugs* and all the best to you!
Before you get seriously involved with any guy, I would very highly recommend the book Love and Respect by Emerson Eggeriches. It's faith based,, but you can ignore that part and just read the stuff about what men consider loving. Your bf will thank you for it. *hugs* and all the best to you!
S-99
08-18-09, 06:57 PM
Maybe he's treating you like this to precipitate a breakup, because he feels guilty about breaking it off and wants you to do it instead? The advice above is pretty good, I think. If a guy doesn't treat you like gold from the beginning and continue to do it all along, then it's not going to get any better; hoping won't make it so. Start to distance yourself from him emotionally; talk to him less on the phone - don't take all his calls, etc.