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03-15-08, 05:10 PM
Hey, I'm not a lumberjack or a fur trader.
I don't live in an igloo or eat blubber or own a dog sled.
I watch TV too much. I buy what beer ads tell me to even though the microbrews taste better and don't give me gunky headaches.
I am Canadian.
I have a prime minister not a president. And I will vote for him again and again until all my countrymen agree he is as loopy as Trudeau or Mulroney and we have to beat him off us with sticks. We vote for them until we kill them. Yet Yanks still say we are a nice people. Go figure.
I am Canadian.
I believe in peacekeeping, not policing; diversity, not assimilation.
I believe ballet dancers should keep dancing until they are 80 years old, since I'm never gonna watch it anyway. But hockey players should probably get off the rink before they're 35. I believe serial killers should go to prison for a while, but smartass kid criminals, maybe not so long.
I love the Leafs. For 30 years. For no good reason.
I am Canadian.
I speak English and French, not American, and I pronounce it a-bout, not a-boot.
I finance a pension system that will not benefit me in my old age. I load up my RSP with maximum foreign content. My broker says we'll make a lot of money in options and high tech. He's 26. I believe him.
I am Canadian.
I believe the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal.
I would swerve for a squirrel but not a snake. I believe somebody else should shovel up road kill.
I believe Paul Martin is evil and Stephen Harper is a boob and Preston Manning is a joke and Jean Chretien was way past his expiry date. The only true heroes are actors in plaid flannel shirts who do TV beer commercials.
I hate the GST and carry a lot of cash, especially if we're remodeling the kitchen.
I am Canadian.
I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada, although I'm certain they're really, really nice.
I'm glad Elian is not my problem.
I know Wayne's World was a documentary about Scarborough, a lower middle class area of Toronto where Mike Myers grew up in, and not a comedy.
I believe doughnuts are good for you. Sometimes I spring for the full dozen. But I watch my weight, like Monica Lewinsky.
I am Canadian.
A tuque is a hat, a chesterfield is a couch and it is pronounced Zed, not Zee. ZED!
A call centre is a necessary barrier between me and the companies that sell gas, phone, cable that quite rightly don't want to hear from me. My bank pisses me off. I would change banks, except that I have already been a customer of all major six other banks and they pissed me off too.
I stand in line to talk to an ATM. I pay fees. I simmer. I sulk.
I am Canadian.
I know the cry of the loon is the sweetest sound on the planet. But since you can't make money in the woods, I do a loon call myself, usually late at night. I believe in high-speed police chases, unless they are chasing me.
I am Canadian.
I believe in bass boats, rolling up the rim and Saturdays at Canadian Tire. I don't say "Eh" and "okey-dokey." I brake for snowbirds and March break.
I paid to build a superhighway across the top of Toronto, paid again to drive it and will pay a third time to get my licence plate when it turns out several 407ETR bills were sent to the wrong place. I pay taxes in quarterly installments, so they can spend it as fast as I earn it.
I am Canadian.
Canada is the second-largest land mass, the first nation of hockey and where our Prime Ministers gets into the crowd and tries to choke protesters just for the sport of it.
More beer for everybody, quick.
Let's get really, really loaded.
(props to Dunf)
I don't live in an igloo or eat blubber or own a dog sled.
I watch TV too much. I buy what beer ads tell me to even though the microbrews taste better and don't give me gunky headaches.
I am Canadian.
I have a prime minister not a president. And I will vote for him again and again until all my countrymen agree he is as loopy as Trudeau or Mulroney and we have to beat him off us with sticks. We vote for them until we kill them. Yet Yanks still say we are a nice people. Go figure.
I am Canadian.
I believe in peacekeeping, not policing; diversity, not assimilation.
I believe ballet dancers should keep dancing until they are 80 years old, since I'm never gonna watch it anyway. But hockey players should probably get off the rink before they're 35. I believe serial killers should go to prison for a while, but smartass kid criminals, maybe not so long.
I love the Leafs. For 30 years. For no good reason.
I am Canadian.
I speak English and French, not American, and I pronounce it a-bout, not a-boot.
I finance a pension system that will not benefit me in my old age. I load up my RSP with maximum foreign content. My broker says we'll make a lot of money in options and high tech. He's 26. I believe him.
I am Canadian.
I believe the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal.
I would swerve for a squirrel but not a snake. I believe somebody else should shovel up road kill.
I believe Paul Martin is evil and Stephen Harper is a boob and Preston Manning is a joke and Jean Chretien was way past his expiry date. The only true heroes are actors in plaid flannel shirts who do TV beer commercials.
I hate the GST and carry a lot of cash, especially if we're remodeling the kitchen.
I am Canadian.
I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada, although I'm certain they're really, really nice.
I'm glad Elian is not my problem.
I know Wayne's World was a documentary about Scarborough, a lower middle class area of Toronto where Mike Myers grew up in, and not a comedy.
I believe doughnuts are good for you. Sometimes I spring for the full dozen. But I watch my weight, like Monica Lewinsky.
I am Canadian.
A tuque is a hat, a chesterfield is a couch and it is pronounced Zed, not Zee. ZED!
A call centre is a necessary barrier between me and the companies that sell gas, phone, cable that quite rightly don't want to hear from me. My bank pisses me off. I would change banks, except that I have already been a customer of all major six other banks and they pissed me off too.
I stand in line to talk to an ATM. I pay fees. I simmer. I sulk.
I am Canadian.
I know the cry of the loon is the sweetest sound on the planet. But since you can't make money in the woods, I do a loon call myself, usually late at night. I believe in high-speed police chases, unless they are chasing me.
I am Canadian.
I believe in bass boats, rolling up the rim and Saturdays at Canadian Tire. I don't say "Eh" and "okey-dokey." I brake for snowbirds and March break.
I paid to build a superhighway across the top of Toronto, paid again to drive it and will pay a third time to get my licence plate when it turns out several 407ETR bills were sent to the wrong place. I pay taxes in quarterly installments, so they can spend it as fast as I earn it.
I am Canadian.
Canada is the second-largest land mass, the first nation of hockey and where our Prime Ministers gets into the crowd and tries to choke protesters just for the sport of it.
More beer for everybody, quick.
Let's get really, really loaded.
(props to Dunf)